Feeling very down about how I look... advice and support needed

[bigsadsal]

Ok, this is me. 45 years old, 5 ft 3 and 2 stone overweight. HOWEVER.. I could live with being on the larger side if it werent for the fact it is all on my belly. I hate it. I hate myself. I am small boned with good legs and then this monstrosity hanging over.

Potted history.... first pg 13 years ago, CSection, then pregnant within 8 months with dc2. Had VBAC this time but don't know whether the CS followed by a large baby quite quickly has contributed to my woes.

Until mid 20s was very slim. Could eat whatever and not gain. Started gaining late 20s, then worse with each pg.

Ive read a little about the condition with pg where your tummy muscles can separate and not knit back together properly?? Wonder sometimes if this is part of the problem; other times I think maybe im making excuses for being a fat pig.

I dont eat massive amounts - way less than when in my 20s - but probaby the wrong things. I like my creamy sauces, mayo etc also bread is a downfall. Wonder if I should give up wheat?

Exercise - well i walk a fair bit, 3 miles a day minimum, swim once a week, would go more but its fitting it all in. Have tried exercise classes and running but am asthmatic and it wasnt for me.

I have felt increasingly bad about how i look but I seem to have reached a all time low. I hide myself in baggy tops and wont undress in front of dh.

What i really want to know is - is there any hope? I know from reading this thread some of you ladies have done amazing things, losing 5 stone etc but i have this horrible feeling that even if i manage to lose the weight, I'll still be a disgusting shape.

Are there any ladies out there who are apple shaped like me, and have managed to sort themselves out? What worked? (diet and exercise wise?) What didn't work? (sometimes I wonder whether all my walking is doing any good for my belly at all. ok it burns calories but not from my tum it seems)

Or for someone like me, is surgery the only answer? (Im serious, I would rather know if its the only way i can stop looking 6 months pregnant)

I accept I am never going to be waif like. I can live with that. I can even live with being on the larger side, but i CANNOT bear the thought of the rest of my life feeling so damn awful about my body.

Hi bigsadsal, big hugs to you, I don't have any real answers for you but just wanted to say don't let it get you down xx

Thanks for the hugs. But it does get me down. I think ive avoided really facing up to it for a good few years now. Meanwhile, the weight creeps up and im in size 18 clothes.

Weight on your stomach is a symptom of eating more carbs than your body can handle. Wheat is the worst carb you can eat and a lot of people are intolerant to it without noticing so cutting that out can only do good things for you - chances are a lot of your problem is bloating. I recommend something like Atkins - high fat, low carb. I've been an apple all my life and it might just be wishful thinking but I think I'm starting to see an hour glass shape coming through on Atkins.

Thanks queen. Do you cut out all wheat?

I dont normally respond to a weight thread, but thought I would with this one, as your history was quite similar to mine.
I have been normal weight now for a few years since being a stone and a half over, after having all my children.Some were ceasars and some were normal births. And my health is normal.
My stomach does have a bit of overhang skin, but I have managed to get rid of most of the weight around my stomach by cutting down a lot on the fatty foods.Fatty foods go to my stomach, apart from nuts which go to my behind.
I didnt give up any foods, as always wary of doing this, as always scared I will lose out on some nutrients, some of which may yet be undiscovered?

I've got a similar problem to you. Arms and legs ok, but stomach always looks 6 months pregnant, even though I had my last child 6 years ago.

I had a virus and lost weight recently and my stomach went down a lot. But now it's almost back to where it was. I eat fairly healthily but probably not enough veg and too many carbs.

Sorry I'm rambling and not being of much help. Have you tried your GP? Weight Watchers?

Should have said however, that I am not apple shaped, cant remember what shape, I am top heavy on the whole.

I feel for you. I have the same self esteem issues.

I did lose 3 stone after DS2 and I found that as I lost weight (WW for me but different things fit for different folks) that my stomach got smaller - I still had the overhang and got pregnant again before I could address that, I suspect that it would only be fixed by sit ups or something although probably never theway it was.

I hope you find something that works for you soon, investigate things like Slimming World and Weight Watchers as I feel they allow you to get on with life without making you feel like you are giving anything up. I did do Dukan for a bit and it has amazing results but for me I couldnt reconcile the idea of not eating any carbs, but it may well be that you love it. I find losing the weight the first encourages more exercise and I find classes the best as someone else is setting the pace.

Good luck and i really hope you start feeling better about your self soon.

It's good to hear from you ladies about what's worked for you. I think what has put me off addressing this is that I'm almost fearful I might find something that works, and then find it impossible to stick to. I guess though that something to kickstart the process, maybe cutting out all wheat and a lot of carbs might then give results so I'd have the incentive to carry on and maintain the loss.

What do you ladies eat instead of wheat? I eat a lot of bread, toast etc so will need a replacement

I find it really difficult to replace wheat entirely, but I guess things like plenty of veg and salad alongside a good source of protein. You could try the kick start of Dukan as it will definitely incentivise you, just go to the website and enter some details and it tells youhow long to do it (Attack I think it is called). You basically eat protein for 3-10 days and nothing else. It is hard but you really see results. The only issue perhaps is that when you reintroduce other things on another eating plan it may come straight back on, although not sure.

Perhaps, protein (fish, meat etc) with salad, vegs and fruit.

In the past I have only had carbs at one meal. So if you need your toast then have it, but have soup/salad etc for lunch and a good lean protein with lots of varieties of veg and salad at dinner.

I am dubious of leaving something out completely.

rice is very filling.I still eat quite a lot of bread, toast etc myself.
and some chinese still seem to eat just about only rice and are still healthy.
When I lost my stone and a half, I severely cut back on chips, crisps etc, had more of foods that were definitely healthy, and ate smaller portions overall. I used to weigh myself once a week, did not stress if I had one bad day a week, and did not stress if there were some weeks that were better than others.
I wrote down my weight loss, or not, each week, so that I could see my progression overall. I gave myself the goal of doing it in 1 year. It took eight months.
And dont forget to stop at some point.
Good luck.

I've cut out all wheat because if I have even a tiny bit I get really bloated and gassy so it's just not worth it. I can't believe I used to be like that all the time, I had no idea I had a food intolerance until I started low carbing.

bigsadsal, I could have written your post , similar height, shape and weight to lose. I have read loads about dieting this week, some of the things I found out about food have literally scared me! I am confused by all the cut out wheat, only eat protein diets etc but have been eating 'good' food, veg, salad, fish. I can't imagine having to sustain a diet where I can't eat this or that, I need to lose the weight in a manageable way. I have four months until my much needed holiday, I need a plan.

Something that has been an instant boost for moral was getting my haircut then popping to a charity shop for a new top, albeit in a size 18, it was cheap, something new to me and did actually give me a small 'lift'.

Far fewer people are genuinely intolerant to certain foods than think they are IYSWIM. I'd eat your normal diet, but a lot less of it, and in particular lose the creamy sauces, mayo etc.
Yoga type exercises which tone your tummy muscles without exhausting you might help with your floppy middle. Like you, I walk miles, but it had no effect on the bits that got stretched by the dds! I've been doing yoga stuff on the Wii Fit, definitely helping.

I am apple and had been trying to lose the baby weight for 9 years ..... [bublush]
I walk about 10 miles a week but this did nothing for me whatsoever! I started the dukan diet and lost weight realy quickly!
I cut out all bread - I love toast with an inch of butter but the size of me was enough of a motivation to try this !
Also all pasta ! Which again is a nightmare for me!
Give it a try as I know this worked for me , unsure if it works better on certain body shapes !!!