Help me see some perspective, weight related.

[foreverondiet]

Don't want to post of AIBU as might get flamed but would like some perspective please.

In October 2010, DS2 (DC3) was 6 months old and I was 12 stone 5 (5 foot 4) BMI 30, body fat 40% went back to work and started my diet, I have lost 3.5 stones and so far (10 months on) have kept it off. My BMI is now 21 and my body fat is now around 20% - I am, at 37, as slim as I have ever been.

What motivated me to lose the weight so successfully (much more successfully than after DD or DS1 when I got back to around 9 10, was that my mum was very rude to me when DS2 was 10 weeks old.

Something along the lines of "forever, you are so overweight you are putting your health at risk" - the mad thing was that her BMI at the time was almost as high as mine. Its true I was moaning about being fat but everyone else was being nice and saying its ok, you lost it after your previous pregnancies, you'll lose it again. I haven't really been overweight other than post pregnancy, weight had fluctuated though between 9 5 and 10 5.

Her comment was extremely hurtful and I still think about it.

Anyway I spoke to my mum this week - I'd visited my gran at the weekend (a long drive away) and I said that I was a bit shocked my uncle (my mum's brother) had put on so much weight - I haven't seen him for a few years. My mum said, and yes isn't gran terrible as she mentions it to him, she said it wasn't appropriate to mention as he was 60 years old, ie grown up?. And she went on for a bit about why gran shouldn't say anything. I said that she was a good one to talk since she had commented on my weight when DS2 was only 10 weeks old and I was EBF, and at 35 was I not an adult too?

She then totally denied the comment, and hung up on me when I asked if she was accusing me of lying. Since then both DB, DSIL and DH have said they remember her saying it. But my mum will not apologize as she didn't say it apparently.

I should probably drop it and apologize to her (which is what she wants) esp as my sisters both say that she has said hurtful things to them and then denied. I think its her defense mechanism.

My parents live abroad, but coming to visit in March, my Dad thinks we should just pretend it didn't happen and move on.

Thoughts?

Well in a way she did you a favour as her comment got you to lose weight & you now have a healthy bmi

I dunno, I'd be inclined to let it go now you're thin & wonderful

Me I'm still fat so I'd be seething still

Yes am very happy to be thin and that I had motivation to keep on going with diet. She is still a bit overweight (although not by as much as before) but is of how motivated I have been!

I have done the whole family a favour really as my two sisters have lost a stone each (motivated by my success) plus my brother has lost a stone and has another to go but is still dieting.

I guess the comments and denial she made this week just opened old wounds. I had come to terms with her comment infact was even pleased perhaps now I am thin!

A really nasty comment from my husband was the motivation I needed to lose weight so I know how horrible it feels. If you can try and move on from the comment as your mother has probably done you are a favour as you will have a healthier, happier and maybe longer life. It could be worth apologising as you know the truth and just say something like I thought you said that but I could be wrong as I was quite sensitive about my weight but feel and look fab.
Well Done on your weight loss, I often see your posts and find your tis regarding weight maintenance very helpful.

Sorry about all the spelling errors etc but hope you get the gist of what I am saying.

Both times I've found the motivation to lose weight have been in response to hurtful comments from people. Anger motivates me more than any other emotion. I'm very grateful to these people, and very occasionally remember the comments and just feel grateful.

It's hard when its someone so close to you, and even harder when they do the selective amnesia thing. Just try and let it go, because it's probably not going to get you anywhere. She's obviously not going to apologise so just put it down as One Of Those Things and enjoy your new slinky figure!