How do you help a child lose weight?

[menagerie]

I know the obvious answer: get him to exercise more and eat less food, especially less fatty and sweet stuff. My problem is that he was severely underweight for the first four years of his life, so doctors recommended a very high fat, high sugar diet. Eventually it worked and he got an appetite but now it's unstoppable. As he was always in pain when he ate due to chronic reflux, he never learned to associate food with hunger, and satisfying hunger. He was forced to eat when he didn't want to and now he has no natural brakes on his appetite. He's now nearly 9 and his BMI says he is well overweight, half way to being obese. He doesn't look it. He's very sturdily built any way - chunky bones, and stocky body but he does have a chubby tummy with cellulite on it.

We have a healthy(ish) diet - freshly cooked meals every day - not fatty, always eat 5 a day, but he seems to constantly ask for snacks. I do say no, but often find he's helped himself to yoghurts (3 a day sometimes) and big glasses of juice and milk. If I see, I gently suggest water instead, and am not buying yoghurts as often as I used to, but this doesn't seem to have made much difference.

Is it best to try and just stabilise his weight and wait for his height to grow into it iyswim, or should I be actively helping him reduce? He is 132cm and weighs 34.8 kg.

I'd love to hear from people who successfully helped their children lose weight or get slim. I have horrible memories of my sister being put on diets as a child and she is now medically obese. She hated all that denial so as soon as she had control of her own food she crammed full of sweets and crisps and never stopped. I do let my children have treats every day because of this, as I don't want them to be these forbidden temptations. But he doesn't seem to have more than other kids do. (E.g Quavers a smoothie and a frube in packed lunch, small cake or couple of biscuits after school.) Is that far too much every day?

Sorry this is long. I realise I feel very emotional about his weight. I spent so many years trying to coax him to eat, and feeding him up, I probably didn't ease off soon enough. I can't bear now trying to stop him from eating so heartily, but know I have to change that attitude.

All tips welcome.

Yes, no supper. There are too many puddingy things. Yogurt for breakfast and lunch and a pudding after dinner too. And the after school biscuits. It's all quite a lot.

I'm not one for low fat things really. They sometimes have a lot of sugar in and they don't taste as nice, which is important I think.

I would try weetabix, porridge or even beans for breakfast to fill him up. You don't want him to be hungry.

foreveronadiet - your feedback on what I give him was almost exactly the reaction I was having in my head as I typed it out. It's just too much, and I need to stop adding so many trashy foods. However, it's exactly what all the other kids have in their packed lunch. They often have choc kitkat too, or two frubes and real crisps (almost double the calories of quavers. I'm trying not to make his lunch look too different from everyone else's, but I will tone it down a bit.

No food as reward is one I'm conscious of but very bad at. It was the reward when I grew up, always, and I find it very hard not to do it without thinking. (They come in from a wet cold walk and I have already made cocoa and am baking muffins before I realise a hot bath and a board game would have been a better idea.

Can you speak to the school about healthy eating? At my DC's school no crisps/chocolate etc allowed in packed lunches. They have take fruit, vegetables, yoghurt, crackers etc.

Can you get him used to natural yoghurt - have fun adding berries and fruit?

Have for breakfast - 2 slices of toast, or cereal or yoghurt and fruit. To drink 1% milk.
Offer for lunch - sandwich, bottle water, carrots/cucumber, apple and frube or humzinger.
Offer for dinner max 50g pasta, plus protein probably also 50g and veggies. Fruit or yoghurt for dessert. Sugary treats like ice cream / lollies / crisps for the weekend. My DC are allowed one treat on sat and one on sunday.

I do think though you need to stop buying a lot of the stuff - the petit filou, the quavers, the juice, the smoothies, low fat spread and also you need to work out how much he should be eating.

If he's hungry then offer apples or rice cakes. Or distract with a story?

All good ideas. I'm off to pick him up from school soon, armed with some apples...

Good luck OP...I know it's hard...my DD loves sweets with a passion and it's hard saying no at times...especially if like me you often went without as a child.

You might find success if you cut out the low fat foods and replace them with more natural, healthy fats. These are more satiating and fat is actually important in a diet...not just for children, but for everyone.

If I were you, I'd also try to cut out some of the carbs, even whole wheat ones. They aren't necessary, and along with the sugar in the yoghurts, his insulin levels will be all over the shop, causing him to crave more carbs.

I understand wanting to keep his lunches similar to those of his friends. Instead of Quavers, melt some cheddar and Parmesan cheese on a baking tray lined with parchment. Allow it to harden, peel off and cut into squares. Then he'll have cheese crisps that will be far more filling than regular crisps with a bit of fat to fill him up.

I would just really think about all the processing that goes into his foods right now. Keep it as basic and natural as possible. It might be tough at first, but getting his insulin levels stabilized will really help to cut down on his cravings for sweets.

Really pleased as I've just managed to get him onto a MEND-style programme nearby, starting from September. Woman was really friendly and it sounded just right for him.

menagerie I don't have an overweight child but I have 'battled' with weight and issues related to it for about 20 years. So lots of good wishes to you for tackling this now.

All I wanted to say was to be gentle with this and to try not to make it into too much of an issue, try and make it about healthy eating rather than about calories/weight loss/body image etc - too much. You had a hard time with your son when he was little and it is perfectly understandable that now he has gone rather the other way. I totally agree with the idea of him sort of growing into his weight rather than trying to lose tons. It's a really good idea to make food fun, healthy, natural, eating lots of fruit and veg (yes, fruit has natural sugar in it and dried fruit is quite calorific so you have to be careful not to go mad) but I do feel natural foods are really good.

So I certainly second the view about keeping food natural. Also, it is hard but part of the job is teaching kids to make smart choices, so limiting food etc but also allowing them to make sensible choices. Maybe your son could choose his treat sometimes, Quavers or ????, I always used to give my kid a chocolate mini roll and a packet of crisps in her packed lunch but now I limit it to one or the other and she has not missed it or even mentioned it!

I don't think (personally) that it is always bad for nice food to be used for a treat or for a celebration, but as much as possible it would be nice to use other things (comic books, a visit to the swimming pool, a trip to the park, some craft materials etc for rewards/treats). Also for commiseration it is very important not to use food for this! It is so tempting when bad things happen to reach for the biscuit tin myself and I need to remind myself with kids that a hug is just as effective as a biscuit when a head gets bumped etc!

Thanks Italian, and everyone else. Feeling a bit in despair now as I told my son about the MEND programme yesterday and he was sounding interested when super-skinny DS1 shouted: Is that a Fat Club? Is he off to Fat Club?
DS2 went off and stuck a cushion over his face on the sofa and said he didn't want to go and didn't want to be in the club for people who can't do things. Then he listed all the sporty boys at school. Unfortunately there is a group of boys who are top in academic stuff, top in sport, taller than the rest and also rather nice - the teachers' and the girls' favourites. He's just started ot notice this and it upsets him.
DS1 really didn't mean to be nasty, and was devastated when he saw how upset his brother was by what her said, but he has no idea, being natural thin and sporty, how difficult it is to struggle with sport all the time.
So now he doesn't want to go to MEND. We will still go, but instead of it being something to look forward to, he thinks it's a club for fat failures. I feel so frustrated I could cry. I couldn't even be as angry as I felt with DS1 because he had tears in his eyes as soon as he realised what he'd said wasn't funny but upsetting. he;s not a malicious child. But grrr... DS2 could do without it all being such a struggle.

menagerie Oh dear, what a shame. Try not to let it get you down. I am sure DS will take his cue from you.

If I were you I would enlist DS1s help in getting DS2 back on board. DS1 can explain it was a silly comment and he did not mean it.

Maybe you can decide either to make MEND sounds super fun or you can simply say that DS2 is GREAT, FAB, WONDERFUL etc and you just want him to be a bit healthier! When he is healthier he will be better at sports (probably) and then all the girls in the class etc will see that. Sadly being a bit heavy can mean other people take notice of the extra weight first, NOT all people but a few people.

My DD is very messy and untidy, her hair looks a mess and she wants to be friends with all the dainty little girls in class who are immaculate. I used to ignore this a bit but now I have started to explain (she is 6) that although it truly is (100%) what is on the inside that matters, if our outsides make us look messy or whatever then some people will find it harder to be friends with her! BUT this approach is not right for weight (in my opinion!) because weight is harder to change than brushing your hair (IYSWIM)

I may not agree with this attitude others have about appearance, at all, and may wish to challenge it in my personal life, but I have to be honest and say it is true in the world in general.

But for your son, you really do want (and I try with my daughter to) to pass on comments in a way that builds the child up and helps them to realise they are really great and important, WHICH is why for you I would emphasise the weight/health side NOT looks and also that improved weight and body shape will make it easier for him to get good at sports.

All the best. All is not lost, this is a blip and neither DS2 (nor DS1 who has NOT BEEN TO MEND SO DOES NOT KNOW - you can tell DS2) knows what it will be like so make it sound like a nice adveture, time together and maybe in a while a fun reward like a new football or something (if you can afford it) could be an incentive to work towards (just an idea).

Thanks Italian. Your daughter sounds so sweet and lovely. The fact that she isn't preoccupied with things that don't matter - surface stuff - says so much for her. And the way you handle it sounds very positive.
The truth for DS2 is that to be even average at sport (he is plump and has dyspraxia) he would have to put in an enormous effort, and I'm not sure he's willing to, although when he does (e.g. with his cycling) he gets good results.
But I'm sure he will enjoy MEND in the long run - a bit of one-to-one time, which he always loves, and as you say - how can DS1 know? He hasn't done the course.
DS 2 is being good and going for water over juice and milk, and for fruit not too many sweets. He's making an effort without my intervention, so I'm very proud of him already. (I always have been - but I'm proud in particular of this attitude.)

menagerie great news. I think your positive attitude will help your son so much.

Please do join us on the eating less thread if you wish to.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/big_slim_whatever_weight_loss_club/1216651-Anyone-want-to-join-a-thread-about-Eating-Less