how to I change my relationship towards food?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

I am soooo overweight and I hate the way I look so much, i spend every spare moment hatring myself for being so fat and ugly and having no self control - but dieting seems the hardest thing in the world.

I know its just - eat less = lose weight, but I can't do it!

So the answer must lie in changing the way I view food, and then my behaviour would be easier to change right?

Soooo how do I do it? I honestly have no idea where to start, I am like an idiot, just trying to do the same things in the same ways and failing and hating myself for it

Hi Double,

you are so right - if it was that easy we wouldn;t all be in this boat.

I've lost almost 2 stone over a 10 month period, so fairly slow and steady - but it's been doable because my head has been in teh right place.

I followed Neris and India's Idiot Proof diet , which is low carb - but the best thing about the book is that it's written to tackle the 'headstuff' .

The headstuff is what you need to get right in order to lose the weight and make it sustainable and the book really does have some great ways to look at it.

Low carb also worked for me as the high protein and high fat id fill me up so I didn't get hungry - and if I did I had cheese or nuts (small amounts only!)

The hardship is that sugar is forbidden! but i found it easier to be completely forbidden rather than allowed in small doses.

Good luck!

how about a referral to a therapist? this would help you really break down your relationship with food and give you strategies to support your newly changed behaviour.

you could try writing down the pros & cons of being the weight you are now & also do the same for being smaller.

put the list some where you see it every day. I found the cupboard where I kept my bread & the fridge where the cheese is kept good places!!

Try & picture your self slimmer - think about how much healthier you'll feel. A positive outlook reprograms your brain to help you lose the weight.

also write down everything you eat & why you ate it & how your mood was beofre during & after. It'll help you work out if you are a boredom eater or an emotional one.

For exercise consider getting a DVD called the 30 Day Shred (jilliam Micheals). It is pretty intense but you will see results with it & it's only 20 mins long. We have a thread on here.

I also think the Neris and India book is a good idea, as they deal with the issues you mention. The best thing about their diet is that some stuff like sugar/carbs is totally not allowed so no temptation just to eat "a bit" and then to end up eating too much - if you are hungry you can eat cheese/nuts to fill you up.

Alternatively why not find a ww/sw group to get some RL support? Food diary also a good idea, as is a friend to do it with.

Also do your supermarket shopping online and buy the right sorts of food.

I have just lost over 2.5 stone since October, for me the key is weighing and writing EVERYTHING down. I only have 5 lbs to go and I am now so much more confident about the way I look - and thats keeping me motivated to continue!!

thank you for all your responses.

I think my relationship with food is the only visible sign of how out of control my life is (along with biting nails). So in a way, it makes me feel awful and like I've failed that i am not 'together' enough to control my eating and weight, but on the other hand am strangely wedded to it as its the only bit of me thats being true to how I feel!

I think a bit of me feels like if I lose weight / eat less, I've lost the only venting/ escape route for emotions. However my self esteem is totally at rock bottom and I feel so self conscious and crap about the way I look - all the time, so in itself is one of the problems that I am eating to comfort self.

So by that train of thought, it sounds logical to get some of the life stuff sorted out first, or that this isn't the right time to diet... but that feels untrue too! If I don't get a grip of my eating and weight, then I feel like I can't do anything, and also, the other big problems in my life I am powerless to resolve currently, so being fat is one of the only things I can control... so why aren't I doing it?

I just feel exhausted by the whole thing and want to give up and go eat chcolate biscuits :-(

I can't do therapy as am on the waiting list to do counselling for other life stuff (waiting 6 months so far grrr). Also can't do weight watchers as I have no free time for myself as my life is a strict regime of work -> home to baby -> work etc

so Neris and India's Idiot Proof diet sounds like something I should take a look at... but will you help me work out whats going on in my head so I can understand whats going on please?

Saying you don't have time for weight watchers is another lie you tell yourself to enable the behaviour to continue. I think you need to bring this up as soon as you do get therapy, you'll be surprised by what issues it will throw up that you didn't expect. Neris and India is worth a read whatever diet you decide to follow, the principles will be the same whatever. I know people who have lost stacks of weight after reading that book and having it suddenly click. You are making excuses to stay the way you are, which means that somehow, bein goverweight serves a purpose for you. Does it make you feel safe? Invisible?

boobooglass it's not a lie, it's because I have to rush straight home to my baby after work so can't attend any meetings. I am a single mum without any support networks so am always late & exhausted & putting caring for me last.

I did attend a few before I got pregnant though & they were quite motivating although not dealing with underlying issues.

I do wonder why I find it so difficult to get control of eating though, I wonder why cos you're right there must be a reason

You can do weightwatchers online and then don't have to go to meetings. Or go at lunchtime when at work. Or find a babysitter?

The book you talk about was free with cosmo magazine but not sure if it was this month of last month

There you go. You put caring for yourself last. That's what you get out of eating. Are you rewarding yourself or punishing yourself? You probably think the former when actually it's the latter. It's so easy to get bogged down in the reasons you can't lose weight. No babysitter, no time, when actually, none of that would make the slightest difference if you truly wanted to lose the weight. I hope the counselling coems through for you soon, so many women I know (myself included) have a truly fucked up relationship with food, and it's only through lots of counselling that I have got past it and seen my behaviour for what it really is, something that gives me a sense of control. Which is pretty silly really. It's just food when we get down to it. Ask yourself, when you take the food out of the picture, what's really wrong?

Double - might be worth checking out the Paul McKenna thread.

Read Allen Carr no more diets, it really makes sense and so far so good for me

Thought about this for a few days and it's really struck a chord with me- you're so right...

I AM punishing myself by eating, whilst thinking it's comforting/ rewarding me. I think I am not worth being attractive, I think I am punishing me by making myself ugly on the outside like I am on the inside.

But what to do with that?

Just a thought but may be you need to change the way you look at yourself rather than focusing on how you look at food. you aren't an idiot, you aren't fat and ugly and you don't not have any self control. If you were your friend and someone said the things you said about yourself to them, you would most prob be livid!!!! Be nice to yourself.

If you see eating as your only outlet, don't forget that you can still eat on a diet!!!! Weightwatchers has treats (i assume) and other diets like atkins allows you to eat cream and cheese and meat. Pick a diet that suits your lifestyle and the sorts of foods you like and stick to it.

This guy talks a lot of sense. he lost a crazy amount of weight and now helps other people work out why they overeat. www.thedietguy.co.uk

Take care.
xx