hit my lowest or should that be highest?

[maighdlin]

background. I have always been overweight. Every since i can remember i was the fattest of my age. i have never been able to lose weight. I have tried weightwatchers several times, general healthy eating and exercise diets and the crazy ones when i was a teenager (champagne and cigarettes diet anyone? lasted near a week on that.) after seeing my wedding photos i went to the doc to see about getting help to lose weight. i was put on xenical tablets which did nothing but give me really bad cramps and lost about half a stone in 10 weeks. I then found out i was pregnant and was taken off them. my preganancy was the only time i ever lost a significant amount of weight. i had hyperemis the whole nine months. and was a stone and a half lighter at 39 weeks than when i started. yesterday however i went to a hospital appointment and they weighed me. normally i don't pay attention out of denial but the nurse told me how much i weighed. i was a hateful and horrible 23 stone 6 pounds. i have put on 3 and a half stone since giving birth nearly 18 months ago. I have never in my life felt so bad about myself. im a size 22 coming up to a 24. i swore i would lose weight when i went to a 20, then a 22. never happened. i don't do "diets" but when i do try i try to do it a healthy eating lifestyle change rather than a you will never have any thing nice again diet. nothing ever works, apart from vomiting several times every day. how did i get so bad??? I do eat bad foods but a good chunk of my daily diet is healthy foods, eat my five a day etc. i do hate "fake" foods, diet versions of normal foods. i hate the taste of artificial sweetener, anyone who says there is no difference is talking shite. i'd rather go without.

after a night of contemplating suicide i have made an appointment with my doctor for next week. i can't stay like this or get worse. no diet has ever worked for me. i could eat nothing and still gain weight. i have been tested for everything so there is no real reason for it like thyroid trouble.

Didn't want to read and run, though I don't really have any pearls of wisdom for you. I think you've already done the best thing possible in arranging to see your GP. One difference I find that really helps is to make sure my family and friends know what I'm doing and why. I used to be so ashamed of being overweight and tried to deal with it in secret, but it doesn't work for me without the support and extra willpower you get from being upfront about it.

Speaking to your doctor is the first move & you've done that so well done.

I would suggest writing a food diary on one side write down what you have eaten & when & on the other your mood at the time & just after you have eaten. this should help with reasons of what & why you are eating.

Also maybe record your food on here & we'll all see if we can assist.

Another thing is write down reasons of why you would like to be fitter/slimmer & try & make the positive things rather thatn knocking yourself down. Positive thoughts always win over negative ones.

thought i'd come back to this thread rather than start a new one. since i last posted i am down to 22st 1/2lb. I didn't cut anything out completely but instead of having a tub of ben and jerrys i had one scoop of their frozen yoghurt, completely changed my food ratios in my meals, more veg than carbs etc.

i did feel like giving up though when i had an attack of gallstones, (on waiting list to have gallbladder removed) normally really fatty stuff sends it off but this last attack was brought on by special k and banana fgs. completely wrecked me all day and i didn't even have nice food to help me :(

went to the GP today and he was a bit condescending. i know exactly what i have to do but i need help to continue doing it. so he said he would be a hard arse and make me come every four weeks to see him, which may help me. i still have a long way to go but without wanting to sound like a knob a long journey starts with just one step.

When I had put on 4 stone the doc said I could visit her every 4 weeks to get weighed. I found this quite good motivation

maighdlin its a shame the GP was so condescending. I think you need to find another GP. But I think you know yourself that if you eat healthy foods and also eat tubs of ice cream then the weight goes on.

I have recently lost 2.5 stone in 3.5 months - lost the first 2 stone through tesco diets totals plan - basically you log EVERYTHING you eat and it calculates the number of totals. That way if you've been good all day you have enough left for a scoop of b&j frozen yoghurt. But yes you need quite a lot of willpower to follow. I hate artifical sweetner too.

I don't know if you have tried but I found the paul mackenna CD quite good to keep me focussed.

Also in the long run unless you address some of your food issues you'll just put the weight back on again.