I'm just looking for a bit of support really...
I'm 5 foot 7 and for a long time weighed about 8 and a half stone which is according to the BMI scale about a stone and a half underweight, which I can well imagine because I was heavily into not eating and then purging whatever I did eat on a regular Monday/ Wednesday/Friday/Saturday basis. I don't really want to or think I would be able to go back to that weight as I was incredibly miserable and my partner watches me like a hawk (in a good way) to make sure I don't do it.
After a bit of a trauma I then put on about eight and a half stone in approximately four years but because I have such bad body image a lot of the time I wasn't even consciously aware of the weight - which I know sounds impossible but that's the only way I can describe it.
The crunch came when I looked down at my ankles one day, and was disgusted because they were fat and puffy. I've always had really slender wrists and ankles and it was then that I realised just how massive I was. I lost about three and a half - four stone in a year and a half. soem of it through healthy eating and exercise and the other part of it through fasting.
The thing is, I just want to be a normal acceptable weight now. I would be happy at ten stone, which is what the BMI scale say I should be, but this last three and a half stone is really getting the better of me because I can't find the motivation to do it.
On top of that, I am worried about being sucked back into the unhealthy way of keeping the weight off...whereas I wouldn't say I was bulimic because although I was binging on occasion and most definitely purging, I haven't done the purging for years. What I would like to do though is ask if there is anyway I can see someone about body image/unhealthy relationship with food? I did join weightwatchers but I found the meetings slightly unhelpful. I am desperate to join LighterLife but there's no way I could afford it.
I am searchign for teaching jobs and I don't want to be the chubby teacher. I also don't want to be a fat mum. I suppose I am looking for hints/tips/advice and most definitely support... Sorry it's such a long post!