Why am I sabotaging myself?

[Hawkmoth]

Found out two weeks ago that I've lost 12kg since February... since then I've put 2kg back on.

I don't know why I do it, I've been eating crap... almost purposefully.

A few years ago I lost loads of weight and when someone commented on it I went home and ate a packet of biscuits. Why?

Hi Hawkmoth. Why why why?!! Is it because you feel confident that you can lose it easily again? I know I have thought that in the past. Then a few more pounds pile on... then it's a real struggle to shift it, then clothes feel tight... but just a couple more biscuits can't harm... I can still fit into a couple of things so I can't be that bad really and I look ok - perhaps a takeaway wont make that much different... and so it goes on!

Anyway, sorry, I don't know why you are sabotaging but we need to stop before it's out of control.

Good luck x

I have been asking myself the same question.
The nearest answer I can truthfully give myself is that I honestly can't imagine being slim again and it almost feels like a ' what's the point' emotion I've got.

It has become a self fulfilling rallity to me.

I want to lose 2stone, Don't think I can. eat shit. Oh look I haven't lost weight, see I told you I would never be slim. That is the cycle I have in my head and I can't break it.

I am in the same position. I do the same, as do a lot of my friends.

It's a short term gratification thing, for me. I want to be slim, but I want this cheesecake at this precise moment in time, more.

I don't think I could lose it easily again... but maybe not being able to imagine myself at a healthy weight is true.

Anyone else feel safer being a fat and invisible person?

"People don't like me because I'm fat - that's their problem. If they don't like me thin it's my problem".

Fat's like a comfort blanket keeping out the real world.

I don't feel safe by being fat at all.

I was skinny, well slim up to about 2 1/2 years ago and being fat is a new expierence to me. I hate it but keep thinking oh, just one bar of chocolate won't make a difference, nor will this glass of wine,
You see what has changed is not my diet but my lifestyle and I try to convinence myself it is just a hiccup I'm having and it will be ok again.

Quite clearly it isn't.

Upahill... I'm miserable now, what if it's not because I'm fat... I worry that's the root of it. If I got thin and was still miserable I might have to face up to something beyond my control.

But how to stop it? It's not like I'm eating because I'm hungry. Grr.

My advice would be to look at things that could be your issues now.

Forget about the weight but look at your life as a whole and think what you are happy with and not happy with. What would make it better (don't include the weight) what can you do to change it? What would happen if you changed things?

This is just off the cuff and what I sometimes do when things are bad. Sometimes things can't be changed.

Maybe then once you have a clearer picture of your life,emotions and issues you can look at how your weight affects things?

Can't change a great deal ATM. I'm applying for jobs, trying to be more proactive in myself.. but it's hard.

The stupid thing is, weight is one thing I CAN change and I CAN control, but some part of me is holding back... because I'm an idiot at times!

I know life would be easier if I could run round with the kids, have the energy to do housework, go swimming without dying of shame etc... but I need a kick up the arse to stay on track.