Advice needed - daughter and jab

[Slidingthrulife]

I am really struggling to know what to do. Daughter has lost 8 stone through the jab over the last 12 months and has gone from 17 stone to 9 stone. It has been dramatic and her overall mental wellbeing has improved beyond doubt but I am desperately worried about her and her eating. She is decreasing her dose and she does eat but not really very much. We both work in health care and I know that her colleagues including doctors have expressed their concerns to both myself and her directly. I have taken advice and try not to talk about food or weight and I no longer comment on her body shape but will make reference to a style or colour of clothing suiting her and also I promote beauty comes from inside as well as outside. I food shop regularly and she will come with me and pick up bits and pieces and we will eat together more social eating rather than round a table. She is 27 so I can’t (and wouldn’t) tell her what to do but try and promote talking about how she feels. She is happy - really happy but is tall and looks so thin. Her hair is also starting to thin out which i know really bothers her.

I have family expressing their opinion and I shut the conversation down as I know there is an issue but just don’t really know what to do

Her BMI is in the healthy range (I have no belief in BMI) but on talking to my health colleagues they tell me that this is what disorders are measured on.

I guess I just would like to know if anyone else has experienced this and how they have dealt. Her diet is “healthier” in that there is no longer fast food deliveries; we both go to Pilates to try and exercise to promote a healthier approach to life and I really try to encourage eating but without making an issue

However I am worried sick to say the least

Her BMI is in the healthy range and she is happy. There is nothing to say, really.

I understand it must be a shock for you and colleagues, but she is an adult with mental capacity (I presume) and unless she comes to you voluntarily for support (which she may not even need) then, with respect, it’s none of your business.

Bloody hell, good for her. Even with help that’s one hell of an achievement. She’s probably extended her life by decades. You should be happy and proud.

I imagine after her experiences she is far more clued up than you are about health, weight and fitness. We all, generally, eat far more than we need to and exercise far too little.

I had a similar experience years ago when I lost 8 stones through hard work and determination. My (incredibly vain) mother told me I was “nicer when I was fat”. She could handle a daughter who wouldn’t tolerate crap anymore.

Maybe just try being happy for her?

Couldn’t. Sorry don’t know how to edit.

Again, good for her!

I think if she is a healthy BMI and tapering her dose down, it doesn’t sound too frightening. But you do sound frightened, and you’re there seeing it and we’re not.

I don’t think you’d be wrong to say that you’re worried and to ask what her plan is for reducing the dose further? Do you think she’s got it from a legal provider?

How tall is she and what weight? That honestly sounds healthy op as long as she is now done with the jabs and only maintaining. She will probably look quite different for a while and she has to grow into her new body.

Why are you worried sick? She is a healthy weight now, at 9 stone she’d have to be extremely tall for that to be verging on underweight.

The hair loss will likely resolve on its own over time. It can happen with large weight loss and isn’t something to be worried sick about.

Family members presumably didn’t voice their opinions on her weight when she was obese, or did they? But now she’s a healthy weight they all have an issue with it? Why?

Well unless she moved to underweight, as a 27 year old woman I’d say well done, good for her, she’s a healthy bmi and happy, she eats healthy, she’s titrating down, she exercises, everyone needs to back off you included. Support her, she’s done well.

It's cos your her mum.. my own mother said to me the other day, your thinner than me now.. which I totally am not, I have a BmI of 22 and am 5 foot 10, so look very different with 7 and half stone loss.. they just not used to it..

If you met your daughter for the 1st time ever and looked at her, would you say she looked ill and underweight? Probably not.. it just gonna take time to get used to the new look..

I mean this is the nicest way, it's just all new, and quick.. I've gone from very obese to normal looking in a year.. its a shock to some..

She probably had some very disordered eating before the jabs. Were you worried sick when she was 17 stone?

It will be a shock to you but try not to worry. She’s a healthy weight and happy. Chances are she’ll gain a little when she stops the jabs but really it sounds like she’s massively improved her health. At her previous BMI she was at risk of some serious conditions, like diabetes.

I'm not sure how much there is to be worried about just yet. From what I can gather, here are the concerns:

-She looks very thin. However, you've also said her BMI is in the healthy range, so medically there isn't an issue here yet. Could it be that you and her colleagues (including the doctors, who are just as fallible as we are when it comes to skewed perceptions) may just be comparing her to the older, fatter body type she once had and, as such, her new weight looks more stark and dramatic in comparison? A lot of people are viewed as underweight when they have dropped a lot because their loved ones are just very used to seeing them heavier.

• She doesn't eat much. Well, that's a side effect of the injections. You say she is titrating down, so it's clear that she isn't intending to keep on a high dose or follow a starvation diet. She's obviously aware she's not eating a great deal, hence reducing her dose. Is it possible that there's also an element of you being used to the portions she used to eat?

• The hair loss. This honestly does happen for so many people with a large weight loss. It doesn't mean they are starving. The body does readjust in the end, just takes a little while.

I know it's scary and it's really clear that your fears come from a genuine place of love. But honestly, I don't think this is something to worry about. If she stops titrating down or if, in a year, she is still not eating, or if she continues to lose and goes into the underweight BMI then I'd maybe worry. But right now, this all looks totally fine and healthy.

I'm sure there are people who go too far with WLI but I don't see anything in your post to suggest that your DD is demonstrating disordered eating. The hair loss is telogen effluvium and very likely inevitable after an eight stone loss. It will come back.

If she is a healthy BMI then she is not 'so thin' as to be dangerously underweight. Tall frames carry weight differently. I am 6' and look very slim despite my BMI only just being in the healthy range.

Stop talking about her to your colleagues. It's none of their business. You don't have to answer this but are you a healthy weight? Are you confident that you know what a healthy food intake looks like?

The thing is, she already had an ED to be that weight previously - probably binge/ compulsive eating which is extremely unhealthy and put her at strong risk of diabetes and obesity-related conditions. The hair loss, as others have said, is a byproduct of weight loss. If she had been very overweight for some time then people won’t be used to seeing her at a healthy weight and will see her as very skinny.

I too have lost a lot of weight in the last year, down to BMI 22 due to MJ and have had some negative comments from others. I also had hair loss which has resolved itself. However, with the tapering-down and the exercise, it does sound like she is being sensible and has made sustainable changes. Hopefully, she has altered her eating habits such that she will be able to maintain as healthy weight. You are going the right thing backing off from constant discussions with her, and like a PP, would avoid discussing her weight with other people.

The doctors and nurses she works with have expressed their concern to you. Really? I doubt they’ve expressed any concern tbh as it would be a massive breech of confidence. I suspect they’ve commented in a very admiringly way.

Her BMI is in the healthy range (I have no belief in BMI) but on talking to my health colleagues they tell me that this is what disorders are measured on

what does this even mean? BMI is a good indication for weight for the vast majority of us, unless a real athlete. And it’s based on height v weight, so if she’s a healthy bmi she’s not underweight, but no professional should be making eating disorders based on bmi, unless it’s very underweight ie anorexia or very over. And it’s by far from the only factor.

is if you who is worried, what is your own weight like?

I wonder if she is still getting regular periods. I lost 3.5 stones in 4 months on weight loss injections getting to 9.5 stones (I'm 5'5") and my periods stopped. I am 43 though so not quite the same as your daughter. My periods stopped for 4 months and came back 4 months after I stopped the injections. If she's still having regular periods I think it would be less concerning. Also when she stops the injections she will probably regain a little weight, at least half a stone even if she keeps her calorie count consistent.

That’s quite fast weight loss and a lot faster than the ops daughter, who has lost 8 stone in 12 months, if you extrapolate your weight loss, you’d have lost 10.5 stone in the same period.

I’m not sure what the problem is.
I have lost eight and a half stone in the past year, nine months of that on mounjaro.
I am 5ft 8 and my bmi is now 27.
I have had some hair loss but this is normal with losing a lot of weight and has happened to me before with big losses. It will stop after weight stabilises.
Your daughter is tapering off her dose so it sounds like she is being sensible.
Her bmi is fine.

Why would it? They aren’t treating her - they are her friends and my friends so actually this is a conversation on a different level ?

Thank you for all your comments. Some exceptionally helpful; some are just people coming to their own conclusions. I suspect a lot of you are right in that if you saw her today you would think she was very slender and for what it is worth I have a health weight and I did have concerns about her over eating

i have sought comfort in a lot of replies and now feel settled about it all but those that almost criticise me for caring - I don’t understand that - am I not allowed to care? I have made it clear in the original post that we talk openly and we have a very relaxed attitude towards food. I guess I was seeking some reassurance rather than anything else. Thank you to those who have - a lot of what you say is good!

It's really inappropriate for work colleagues to be expressing health concerns to their colleague's mum, especially when she is not unwell or underweight or indeed doing anything that would warrant concern. I'd be furious if my work colleagues contacted my family in this way. It's a real invasion of privacy.

Back off with what? Being concerned? Trying to support her?

we live in a world that promotes being kind but it clear that some really don’t

9 stone is a healthy weight.

I know for my family and friends, seeing how little I eat now is a shock, because they were used to me eating loads. But it’s actually just a normal amount. Today I’ve had a burger (work lunch) and some cheese and crackers, plus a yoghurt. My mum was horrified until I pointed out it was actually over my calories!

Her colleagues shouldn’t be commenting on her medical history unless they’re her treating doctor. That’s incredibly inappropriate.

Op, you can’t seriously think it is ok for colleagues to express unfounded health concerns for a healthy weight adult woman, and your wording was so Ott.

you said you were desperately worried, worried sick, talking with colleagues about eating disorders.

your daughter has done amazing, she’s now a healthy weight, she’s exercising and eating healthy, she’s happy, she’s titrating down.

were you also talking about her behind her back when she was obese?

somehow I doubt you’re a healthy weight.

No being desperately worried, worried sick, discussing eating disorders with her colleagues. All your words.

I know where you’re coming from OP. The thing is at the moment, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about with regards to your DD as she’s still a healthy weight and seem to be reasonably reducing her dose which is good. It’s hard when you’ve always known someone to be obese and they are now a healthy weight, they’ll look very small whereas if they’ve always been 9 stone, this wouldn’t be an issue as that’s what you’ve always known.
However, when I read posts on this board and other places, MJ has the tendency of bringing out ED in some people, the fear of never wanting to be obese again mean some don’t know when to stop or taper down till they become underweight which carries its own serious risks too but I don’t think a legitimate pharmacy will keep selling the jabs to some one underweight anyway unless they’re lying so you don’t have to worry in that respect.