Attending a wedding without newborn

[JJ1992]

Hey!

Looking fot some advice - my partner is best man at his close friends wedding this year. The wedding is one of those weekend long events and he is expected to stay Fri- Monday. I have kindly been invited to stay at the accommodation for this time period too.
Thing is - I've only gone and got pregnant and now my second child is due around 8 weeks before the wedding.
My mum has already signed up to watch both the kids for 2 night - night before and night of. But realistically - I'm not sure I'll cope leaving my baby for this time ! I exclusively breastfed my first and loved it - but i didn't really spend any time away from him for the first 5 months or so.
I have no idea how birth is going to go , if feeding will be successful again or how my hormones will be by 8 weeks PP.
I am getting anxious about not taking advantage of the bride and I don't want to pull out last minute- but realistically I can't see me staying two nights - even one would be a push.
It seems it's a bit of a non- negotiable that my partner goes for the full three nights however as he is expected to help with best man stuff.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it's worked out okay ? The wedding venue is around an hours drive to my parents so if needed I could do a bit of pumping while there and drop it off at somepoint. Am I actually gonna be up for any of this though 😂😫

Couple have never mentioned bringing baby - this would really be my preferred option but I don't feel close enough to the bride to ask... may ask to take him for the night before even? Is this cheeky? Should I just pull out now and save everyone the hassle? I'll have serious FOMO that my partner gets to have all that fun and I don't but guess it's not really about me 😂😫

Your husband needs to ask if you can both bring the baby with you - he’s the best man so must have a good relationship with the groom!

I wouldn’t leave a baby that small and don’t really see how you could when breastfeeding.

My DH was best man at a wedding about 10 weeks after we had our second. Both kids came with us (honestly the toddler was hard work so if there’s an option to leave the older one, I’d take it!). We stayed 2 nights. But DH was clear there was a limit to how much stuff he could be involved in in terms of days around the wedding as we had a long way to travel and he didn’t want to leave me alone with both kids.

In your position I’d be saying to DH that he needs to ask if baby can come. If yes, happy
days. If no, then you don’t go and he needs to be reasonable about how much stuff he does and how long he’s away for.

Surely if your husband is best man he is close enough to the groom. I would get him to test the waters about bringing the baby along.
If it’s a no then you’ll have to pull out unless your mum can come and look after the baby at the wedding venue and you can pop off to feed when needed. Not sure where your older child will be in this scenario though.

Taking a baby that age would be non negotiable to me. Your husband needs to ask.

I’d just let the B&G know that your husband will be attending on his own , not a big deal really .

These are friends of both of us and I would like to go to the wedding if I can.. ideally would like to avoid being myself with the two children while he is at a 3 day wedding with a big group of our friends ! But I see what most people are saying - I should plan for an alternative to leaving baby for two nights as it's probably not gonna happen.

If you can’t attend with the baby, I wouldn’t have him go for more than the day. It’s way too early.

Have they definitely said your older child isn't welcome or are you just assuming it's child free? Do they actually know you are pregnant and your due date?

Just ask, it's not in the least unreasonable to ask as long as you accept their answer. And they have to accept that if they are going to be ridiculous enough to expect a 8 week old not to come that lots of people won't prioritise them.

I would have happily gone with both DC at that age, with just the baby a little reluctantly if DC1 wasn't invited and no chance at all without DC2.

Not a chance I’d be going without the baby at that age. Either take him/her if allowed or don’t go.

I would ask, typically even " child free" weddings don't mean babies less than 6 months who they would assume you bring.

I would never leave a baby that young for more than a few hours. Definitely worth asking if you can bring the baby along, most couples are fine with ‘babes in arms’.

Your options:
1 Partner goes, you stay home or go visit your parents.
2 You take the baby with you, with the couple’s permission. But (speaking as someone who did something similar), the odds of the baby being fussy at EXACTLY the time the ceremony is on and you having to take him/her out and so you miss the key part anyway are pretty high. And you’ll be pretty tired still at the 8 week mark so unlikely to enjoy the wider event.
3 If your parents are only an hour away, stay with them and then you and your mum pop over for the ceremony and she stays with the baby in the car while you watch the ceremony, say congratulations, then leave.

Personally I’d go with 1. Also, you haven’t factored in your older child, who will likely be unsettled and jealous about the new baby. You disappearing for a few nights, whether with or without the baby, isn’t going to help that.

I don’t think you can realistically leave an 8 week old EBF baby. Could you go for the day of the wedding and have your mum stay with the baby in your room so you can feed?

he’s best man! God some people think the world has to stop when you have a baby. Sure, if there’s an issue that’s different, otherwise, an 8 week old can be left with the mum a couple of nights! (Not saying this has to happen as mum is invited, just saying, it totally can happen and dad is not a twat for doing so)

Do you have to go? Surely your DH can go without you?

Also, my wedding was child free but we had about 6 newborns there . they asked and I said of course as it was because we didn’t have enough seats for everyone’s kids but babies are different

I wouldn’t want to go, personally. I’ve always wanted to be with my babies solidly while they are less than a year old. And I don’t care much for weddings so I’d rather be with my baby. I have a wedding to go to in the spring and tbh I don’t even want to leave my older (primary age) DC for it. There’s no right or wrong answer, but don’t feel guilty or bad in any way at all if you decide you want to stay home.

it won’t work to leave a breastfed baby, the baby will be so stressed out and so will you.

id say that you are unable to attend as you will have a newborn. The bride and groom really ought to then say that the baby is welcome, but they may not.

I’d plan on the basis you are BF. You might not be able to pump and baby might not take the bottle, baby might not be well etc..
Id speak to them and see what they want to do. Maybe you can do it but maybe you can’t. They might want to save on the cost on someone who might not turn up or only comes for a few hours at best. I agree about saying you’ll come for the ceremony and leave.

One of my best friends was due close to my wedding date. She really wanted to come so I said to do whatever worked best for her. Hopefully if you’re all close to the bride & groom they’ll be able accommodate whatever you need to make it work if you want and feel able to go.

That being said, if it was me I wouldn’t feel comfortable staying away from my newborn. Maybe stay with your parents (or have them stay with you if you’re closer to the venue) and you head to the wedding for a couple of hours instead of doing it the other way round.

Anyway in the end my friend had her baby on the morning of my wedding, so needless to say she couldn’t attend!

Bugger this, my daughter had been to 2 weddings before she was eight weeks old and there was absolutely no question of her not coming along
A newborn needs to be with his mother that’s just not up for debate

Thanks for all the feedback - looks like i need to put my big girl pants on and ask the question !