Wedding abroad

[Natsash]

We’re starting to think about our wedding. We live in the uk though we have families in both Poland and Greece.

My partner is set on having a Greek Orthodox wedding as that’s his religion. I’m happy with that, I’m Catholic for reference. He will be seeking advice from his church on how that would work but from the general research we’ve done there shouldn’t be any issues.

Now onto the planning. We’re considering the UK, as there are Greek Orthodox churches and it puts both of our families on even footing in terms of travel and accommodation. Especially since there a good few members of our families that live here as well.

We’re also considering Greece (an absolute dream, the weather, the atmosphere, the food) but we are in agreement that for that that to happen we’d have to shoulder the cost of my family coming. Here are the few things I’m now seeking thoughts on:

• accommodation: I’m thinking 4 people per room/ suite for 3 days/nights, this is based on family units of course, one family unit does consist of grandma, aunt, 18yo and 14yo. It’s the only one I’m a bit hesitant about due to the kids being older (one technically an adult). Would it be reasonable to say to everyone that we’ve paid for the accommodation but if anyone would like extra rooms/ upgrades / extra days they will have to be at own cost?

We are aiming for 3 days and only one of them to be the wedding. This gives everyone a chance to settle in and perhaps sightsee or go to the beach on the off days. We’d love to have everyone for a week but that’s not very realistic budget wise.

• food and drink: the wedding will obviously be catered and drinks provided. We are also considering a welcome bbq on the first day (attendance optional) but is it reasonable to say that all other food and drink is not being covered by us?

• transport: we’re aiming for all accommodation to be walking distance (5-10 mins) from the church and then a coach/ minibuses to transport everyone to the venue. We are looking at the way back to hotel as well, we will be providing the transport but just thinking through options of minibus or taxis as I’m conscious that people will leave at different times. All other transport will be own responsibility.

• flights: we’d be paying for those, what’s a fair luggage to include for 3 days?

Does the above sound reasonable? Happy to answer questions if anything is not clear or if I missed something.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect an adult family to share a room for three days, that isn't ideal. The rest sounds just about ok, but really it's always a push to have abroad weddings as it basically takes five days of travel/annual leave for a three day wedding. I'd say you need one luggage bag per two people, assuming same household.

@Swaytheboatthank you, this is the only family that has adults in that’s not parents with two kids under 10. I will definitely be looking into perhaps a bigger apartment or separate rooms for them. We are thankfully still at the inception stage of our planning so any feedback is welcome so we can better prepare and consider the options available.

edited to add: we are also absolutely understanding that weddings abroad are a push. I guess we’re in a bit of a bind as no matter where we do it it’ll be abroad for a lot of people considering everyone’s locations. Thankfully both of our families are understanding as at one point they were spread all across Europe. Equally we’re understanding that it is a big ask and while we’re hopeful that everyone can make it, there will be no bad blood if they can’t. I want to make the whole event as easy for everyone as possible.

It's lovely that you are actually considering your guests - so often weddings abroad are all about the couple and the hassle and expense suffered by people obliged (because it is an obligation) to attend is ignored. Sounds like you'll come up with a good plan.

Will your guests be able to afford the overall costs ? Time off work ? They may already have their annual leave booked.

If everyone can make a city in the UK which has a Greek Orthodox church, that is the obvious answer. Who on earth wants to fly all the way to Greece for only 3 days, and then have to share rooms? It sounds awful.
Just have your honeymoon in Greece - weddings abroad are for people trying to escape their families, so they don't work if you take the whole family with you!

@Neveranynamesleft we are looking at about 2-3 years time, maybe even 4. We would give at least a year and a half notice so hopefully it won’t coincide with annual leave. Regarding the cost, that’s why we’re looking at paying for the majority of it. Both of our families are in good financial positions as far as I know, which is why I’m thinking that except for flights/accommodation/transport, it would be reasonable to cover any extra costs themselves. Saying that, if we find that any can’t, we want to have contingencies in place and will probably re-think the whole idea.

@Miranda65

Sums it up really.

@Miranda65 thank you, I appreciate the thoughts. I probably should have made myself a bit clearer regarding the sharing situation. All bar the one family I mentioned in the post are parents with two kids under 10. So I presumed they’d stay together.

I appreciate 3 days in Greece is short. Unfortunately wherever we go it’ll be an ‚abroad’ wedding for most. Out of approx 50 guests only 7 (3 being kids) live in the UK and are spread all over.

If you aren’t doing it for a couple of years that’s going to make planning and paying for it really tricky. Consider that the younger family groups will have secondary age children by then - the 14 year old will be doing GCSE’s. That’s school holidays only. As it’s your money guests will be less inclined to worry if they can’t make it for any reason.

Having said that we hired a very lovely massive Airbnb place that was both venue and accommodation. That worked well although there was some swapping of rooms depending on level of partying.

@Amperoblue thanks for your input! You’ve made a really good point about the ages of the kids in a few years time. Thankfully most of them will still be primary school aged but I’ll have to discuss the school holiday schedules with the parents well ahead of time! We ideally would like it to suit as many guests as possible, we both love our families and would love for all to be able to attend.

I’m happy to hear you’ve had a fab time at the Airbnb!

How many were you thinking? I had 45 (we only had one turn down the invite). I think this could be really tough to organise actually (unless money is no object).

If it’s school holidays you will be eating in parents annual leave at a prime time. Which school holidays? Summer too hot? May and October are short.
Some might want this as a longer holiday rather than taking leave twice - will people be ok that you are paying different prices and paying for some people’s main holiday?
When will you buy flights? You need to have them early enough so guests have confirmed flights but not so early that they don’t know dates for other events.
How are guests getting to the airport - you’ll have to factor in travel times that suit different circumstances.

This is why people have small destination weddings or let people buy their own flights. Unless you are a travel agent it’s a lot of faff to organise.

I know plenty of people who have had large destination weddings and have not paid for hotels and transportation. For some reason on here it gets peoples backs up.

You’re probably overthinking it. Pick the venue you want and go with it. Some people won’t be able to come. That’s what happens at every wedding. Have the wedding g you want.

@Amperoblue I’ll try to answer each question best I can:
We’re looking at about 50 guests, about 25 of those already live at the destination. We haven’t looked at dates yet but would be looking at any time between April to July potentially - the reason is we haven’t spoken to family yet and as we’re basically spread across 3 countries I don’t have great knowledge of school holidays in 2 of them (I moved to the uk when I was a child so don’t have school experience in my home country)
Regarding extending the holiday, we would not be able to pay for everyone to do that, which is why we are hoping to pay for 3 days for everyone travelling in and if they wish to extend their holiday this would have to be done at own expense.
Flight would most likely be booked about 8 months out as that’s roughly when we find that prices are ok when booking to the destination (as in 8 month in advance usually gets us the best prices and we have tested that with several dates - I appreciate this can change depending on trends).
Airport - inbound we’d either organise a coach to the hotels if most are on the same flight. Alternatively, if flights are spread we’d do the ferrying ourselves (mostly partner as that close to the wedding I would be tying up the loose ends). Same for way back, we will be staying about 2 weeks so can do the driving.
I would absolutely let guests buy their own flights. Perhaps that’s a far better idea and just say I’ll contribute x amount.

this is all at the inception stage and we’re just theorising but I have to admit, thinking about the questions asked by you and others is really making me excited and terrified so we’ll see which direction we’ll end up going

I think the fact that half the guests live at the potential destination (and yet others would be coming from a 3rd country) makes this very different from a couple who are both living in UK who choose to head off to a destination they don't have a connection with. It is was it is when you blend different nationalities in one family.

I think, with notice, if it were my sister or a really close friend, I would be happy to pay to travel to such a wedding, but I'd want to make it a week's holiday too. I'd rather pay out the money, than be put to share a room with 3 others (particularly grandparents and teens).

But a pp makes a really good point about dc missing school.
If you are arranging a wedding abroad to include several dc, then you need to do it in the school holidays - which of course doubles the price of everything.

If it were for a cousin or a less close friend, I would have to make a decision depending on cost and my budget at the time.
At this stage in my life, I'd go, but 20 or 30 years ago it would have been out of our budget, and, quite frankly stress levels to pack up the family to fly abroad for 3 days and then come home.

we are hoping to pay for 3 days for everyone travelling in and if they wish to extend their holiday this would have to be done at own expense.
AND
Airport - inbound we’d either organise a coach to the hotels if most are on the same flight.
aren’t compatible.

Flight prices charge by day and time not how long you stay. A lot will depend on which day of the week you choose.

We found guests who wanted a longer holiday all arrived earlier - some where a week, some a few days. They left on Sunday or Monday as we were honeymooning there the rest of the week.

There was actually less to worry about in terms of loose ends . The location backdrop did all the work - no table flower needed etc. Having a restaurant took away the need for ordering marquees and chairs or toilets etc. Very straightforward.