Critique my catering plan

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Give me your most viperish take - I’ve got 18 months to sort this.

Plan: early June. 2pm ceremony, 2.45/3pm reception. Gorgeous huge local garden, marquee/stretch tent for cover as needed. Seats and occasional tables scattered about. Circulating staff facilitating the food. Vintage china (hired). Buffet food tables/tablecloths.

Fizz on arrival (cremant de Loire) or sparkling elderflower. Jugs of water available.

Cocktail bar making jugs of 4 different cocktails for the staff to circulate- likely Pimm’s, a gin cocktail and 2 nonalcoholic ones.

Vegetarian sandwiches from local sandwich place: cheddar and chutney, Brie and grape, roasted veg &hummus, cucumber.

Crudites and 2 dips, probably tsatziki and hummus again.

Cake: 2 mini scones per guest with clotted cream and jam (300 scones). Choice of rich chocolate cake, lemon drizzle, Victoria sponge with strawberries and cream. Additional gluten free and vegan option depending on numbers needing this.

Wedding cake bought from local
cake maker: fruit cake layer, gluten free layer, vegan layer.

Also plain strawberries with/without cream on offer (the venue is a farm that does pick your own strawberries).

Big question: is it crazy to think I could make the scones and basic cakes myself and freeze them over the months, and hire someone to defrost them over the previous 24 hours, ice them and manage them on the day? Money isn’t necessarily the issue so much as preferring my own baking. 300 mini scones, 10 each of the large cakes above.

It's an afternoon tea and perfectly suited to the occasion.

I think that expecting guests to have only vegetarian sandwiches and homemade cakes and strawberries between 2pm and midnight is unrealistic, people will be starving hungry and drinking. Is there anywhere they can buy a more substantial meal nearby? I get food is a huge budgeting issue, but if you want a more casual wedding you need to make sure people can access a full meal at mealtimes. We had my wedding in the London local area where I live and after the registry office ceremony we had fizz in the local royal park with some crisps, snacks and sandwiches (lots of local places to eat nearby if people wanted more substantial food) and people joined in drinks and drabs through the day - then an evening party from 6ish with snacks/cakes/light Buffett fare and wine/beer provided - but the option to buy a full meal in the pub downstairs or one of the local restaurants with a more casual ‘come and go’ vibe than a conventional wedding. I am not sure you can do the ‘big white wedding’ thing and not provide a hot meal for guests without it being really unpleasant - hungry guests full of booze.

Be clear that it is an afternoon tea on the invite rather than a wedding breakfast so that people know to organise a full meal before or after. Otherwise we would typically grab a sandwich on the way for 2pm wedding and aren't going to then want more sandwiches. Could you time for 1pm -5pm so that people can get a dinner reservation after?

I think that expecting guests to have only vegetarian sandwiches and homemade cakes and strawberries between 2pm and midnight is unrealistic
Given it is finishing at 6 that is entirely irrelevant.

If you've got staff walking around with platters of food, make sure the gannets don't position themselves by the kitchen and intercept them. I went to an event once and we wondered why there as no food as we had expected platters of food to be circulated, it was because all the food was picked off by the time they could get near to us.

That's not the wedding she wants. She wants afternoon tea, at the appropriate time.
They'll all be on their way home by 6pm.

Have you ever eaten afternoon tea standing up? I haven’t and wouldn’t want to either. The concept relies on each guest being seated as they would be for afternoon tea at a hotel. The OP says there will be a tent and occasional chairs and tables. To me that doesn’t imply space for everyone to be seated, so I do find it all a bit bizarre.

I think that expecting guests to have only vegetarian sandwiches and homemade cakes and strawberries between 2pm and midnight is unrealistic

Yes it would be @Lotsnlotsoflove but the OP is planning on ending the day at about 6pm. She isn't planning an evening do.

Are you also serving tea.. as in cups of tea or coffee at a station?

It's an afternoon tea buffet. I don't think there will be a shortage of chairs?

Honestly, I think that’s really stingy

Yes, I've been to a wedding that had an afternoon tea where that was served on trestle tables. People helped themselves to various sandwiches, cakes, scones etc as they wanted and had a lovely time.

I don't find it odd in the least. Why is it different to eating small canapés that are circulated to you?

You don't "need" non vegetarian sandwiches at all, that's silly.
I say this as someone who isn't veggie but my husband is! I'd cope for one afternoon without meat, I never understand people who can't (medical issues aside,)

Honestly, I think you should read all of the OP's updates as it sounds lovely.

I would include more naturally gluten free savory options so people can graze etc as gluten free sandwichs are often dreadful...

not sure anyone would want to risk icing that many pre-baked cakes, poss health & safty/food hygiene issues?

I went to a Royal garden party last year and it was essentially like this. The main issue was you could either have food or a drink at any one time. You don't want food with cutlery.

This! For allergy sufferers, or celiacs cross contamination is a real issue. I would look at your stacked cake and think no way am I eating that.
If you do have guests who are requiring gluten free their goods really do need to be completely separate from the muggles food. Your staff circulating food need to be really aware of cross contamination issues, washing hands/changing gloves if switching between normal food and gluten free. They need to be really clear with whether they are currently serving gluten free or not. Buffet's fill me with dread, people can't help themselves with touching food then reading a label and returning the item they touched back to the plate in disgust that it's gluten/dairy free etc.

I enjoy weddings better without an evening do. It sounds lovely. I hate having to shout to other guests over a band. 🤣

I had missed the food circulating and standing up thing - I would want to sit down if juggling scones and drinks etc, and ideally to be able to see what is available on a buffet or stand on table, rather than individual things circulating. It's hard to know what to take and how much to eat if you can't see everything available, if you see what I mean.

Reading the OP, it sounds like guests won’t be seated? If they aren’t I don’t think the ‘afternoon tea’ concept works, purely from an events perspective. The nature of cream teas is you sit and dress scones. Aunt Ethel won’t want to hover with her coffee in one hand and a drippy scone in the other - neither would I. Maybe the venue can seat everyone? It doesn’t read that way to me.

Finger food, some less carby options, more savoury, and no fruit in the sandwiches.

Normally I like crudités and dips but not with that many people. They always look revolting after a couple of people have smeared them around and dropped crumbs in them.

Yes to quiches, or some kind of filo parcels - spanakopita or borek style - which taste great hot or cold. Also small falafels or bhajis are veggie friendly and easy to eat in one or two bites.

Fresh fruit - even just strawberries with mini meringues.

Had they miniaturised and dressed each item for this party? I’ve attended the royal warrant holders events and they made all items small; to allow for serving standing. So mouthfuls of food rather than platefuls. One is elegant the other not.

I was thinking that actually - I can't eat cake, cheese, or clotted cream (probably no scones either) as can't have dairy so I'd be screwed 😁
Hopefully there's no-one like me at the wedding lol.
Otherwise it'd just be pimms and gin cocktails all round <hic>
If it was me I'd throw some vegan options in there as well then everyone can have them, they're more inclusive and still vegetarian.

The wedding finishes at six they will not be there until midnight…🙄

Same here. Mini pre filled scones, mini sandwiches and cakes, very manageable.