Critique my catering plan

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Give me your most viperish take - I’ve got 18 months to sort this.

Plan: early June. 2pm ceremony, 2.45/3pm reception. Gorgeous huge local garden, marquee/stretch tent for cover as needed. Seats and occasional tables scattered about. Circulating staff facilitating the food. Vintage china (hired). Buffet food tables/tablecloths.

Fizz on arrival (cremant de Loire) or sparkling elderflower. Jugs of water available.

Cocktail bar making jugs of 4 different cocktails for the staff to circulate- likely Pimm’s, a gin cocktail and 2 nonalcoholic ones.

Vegetarian sandwiches from local sandwich place: cheddar and chutney, Brie and grape, roasted veg &hummus, cucumber.

Crudites and 2 dips, probably tsatziki and hummus again.

Cake: 2 mini scones per guest with clotted cream and jam (300 scones). Choice of rich chocolate cake, lemon drizzle, Victoria sponge with strawberries and cream. Additional gluten free and vegan option depending on numbers needing this.

Wedding cake bought from local
cake maker: fruit cake layer, gluten free layer, vegan layer.

Also plain strawberries with/without cream on offer (the venue is a farm that does pick your own strawberries).

Big question: is it crazy to think I could make the scones and basic cakes myself and freeze them over the months, and hire someone to defrost them over the previous 24 hours, ice them and manage them on the day? Money isn’t necessarily the issue so much as preferring my own baking. 300 mini scones, 10 each of the large cakes above.

Also, because I'm now overinvested, how are people going to assemble and then eat the scone? If I've got my glass of cremant in my one hand it will be tricky to apply the cream and the jam correctly and then I'd have to eat it like a cake?

I think you need to read the OP's updates. It is going to be quite a substantial afternoon tea.

I think it sounds fabulous.
We had our reception in a marquee in summer and thankfully had hired a blow heater with the marquee as it was a cold day. See if you can have one pencilled in with the order in case it’s chilly.
Your invite is clear and I’d be very happy to attend with the arrangements you’ve outlined. Keep us posted!
PS. I wouldn’t freeze scones is my only other comment. Buy pre made but perhaps get some special jams to lift them.

Ok sorry I missed the additions. I didn't at any point even mention it was vegetarian, let alone say I had a problem with it. I was asking if that was all the food. Not saying I thought there should be a hog roast.

They are "mini" scones? I imagine they are tiny, prefilled and can be eaten in one or two bites?

I think for 2-6 afternoon tea it sounds perfect. Maybe just add some mini butchers sausage rolls as an option for those who don’t like sandwiches or in case it’s cool.

I don't eat refined carbs or sugar. I'd be surviving on crudites. You need to make clear it is afternoon tea, then I'd kind of know what to expect.

Are there any younger kids coming? I wouldn’t generally say my kids were super fussy but the sandwiches would be all a bit ‘fussy’ for them- ie the chutney would spoil the cheese etc and they don’t have a big sweet tooth so the cakes wouldn’t appeal. Might be an idea to do the kids a little individual box of kid friendly stuff (a plain sandwich, bag of crisps, piece of fruit and a choc muffin?) if they are like any of the kids I know!

No, the OP says that it's fully vegetarian. Non negotiable.

It sounds as if she's making it very clear.

We had a late afternoon wedding so that we only catered once for guests, rather than serving two meals, which is fairly common for day weddings, usually a sit down and then an evening buffet. I’d move wedding to 4-4:30pm, imagine that means your party starts at 5:30/6pm. I’d drop the afternoon tea concept (unless you are some sort sandwich fanatic and it’s an in joke that guests will grasp). Serve canapés (staff serve), fizz (staff serve) and pizza (buffet). Just get one cake, why do you need so many? If you are a star baker, make and freeze the canapés? Assuming this isn’t a party crowd, you could be done by 9pm.

Sounds lovely to me. I recently went to a wedding that was just tea, cake, sandwiches etc in church hall afterwards, no evening (or in that case booze), and everyone said how lovely it was. Really chilled, chance to chat, choice of food not set meal etc. as long as it's clear that's what it is that's great.

I also have been to a fully veggie afternoon tea for another wedding and it was nice despite not being veggie. My 5yo DD was horrified by the savoury options but more than filled up on the sweet!

Not sure why people always on about hungry people at weddings, surely everyone knows you need to eat something before a 2pm wedding to keep you going , or load up on a massive cooked breakfast, and your way they'll be eating faster than a lot are at sit down meals.

Do it your way op.

But don't layer the cake for dietary requirements!

Edited to say why are people obsessive about the size of the scone when they are also getting sandwiches and multiple cakes?

Why on earth would sandwiches at an afternoon tea be a joke? Afternoon tea is a very well established concept as a standalone event and as a wedding reception.

Something finishing at 9 is a very different beast to something finishing at 6 and clearly not what OP is after at all.

I'm not sure if you'd find someone to work with someone else's cake? A professional might have issues with their insurance as they may be worried that they can't prove there is no cross contamination etc. They may be worried that they'd get the blame if you'd accidentally included gluten in a gf cake for example. So I'd check whether you could get anyone to do this as a first step. Or accept you'll need very simplelast minute decoration (fruit and icing sugar) or decoration that will freeze well, or rope friends into decorating / cutting / setting up for you

If you post your wedding menu on MN, no matter how well thought-out and comprehensive it is, you’ll ALWAYS get some posters commenting “why don’t you get a pizza van”, “I’d just do a few big pots of chilli and jacket potatoes”, “I hate sandwiches/cake/cold food, I’d literally starve to death during the speeches”.

Your plan sounds lovely OP. Most people know what afternoon tea is, so as long as that’s on the invitations you’ll be fine.

Why should she drop the afternoon tea idea, if it's what she wants?

This ⬆️

Wow there are some weird views over what afternoon tea is on this thread! Adding 'platters' of savoury options makes it a buffet not afternoon tea!
OP it sounds lovely and if people cant sort themselves out to last until 3pm then they need to give their head a wobble. An 11am Bacon or sausage butty would solve that problem, especially if they cant stand the though of a day without meat!

You’ve essentially suggested OP change the whole wedding. I don’t think that’s what she was looking for 😂

Also I think your original timings are great for what you have planned. People will have a much better idea of what to expect for an afternoon than if it goes anyone evening which might confuse expectations a bit.

Scones are odd. I’d struggle to manage them if not a full sit down venue. Why scones? They’re such a faff with the butter, cream, jamming- and boring. Not special. Not suited to a wedding, it should be celebratory surely? I think you should take the afternoon tea idea less literally.

Are you being serious? Honey sandwiches? Banana and Nutella sandwiches?! Strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches?!

WTF?!

Here's my take:

• An afternoon tea wedding is different but fine. Just make it blindingly, 100% clear in the invite and any other communication that it's an afternoon do only, no evening meal, no drunken dancing until midnight etc.

• Lean heavily into the vintage afternoon tea vibe, eg lots of colourful bunting, homemade looking cakes/scones (even if not made by you). Platty jubes street party vibes with less Union Jack? Or read the chapter with Bill and Fleurs wedding in Harry Potter book 7 for inspiration as it sounds like a similar style you're after.

• You definitely need some warm food in there. Pizzas sound perfect, much prefer that to quiche.

• You need colour to balance the beige. Platters of fruit, salads etc. Dressings and dips.

• I may have missed you mention it but you must have lots of tea and coffee available with ample refills. It doesn't matter how hot it is, even if it's 30 degrees I want tea/coffee with my cake! Have a decaf option as well and maybe a fruit tea option.

• You need enough seating or at least enough tall pedestal tables for people to rest their glasses and plates on, there's nothing worse than wanting to eat lovely food but having to precariously balance your drinks and food.

• Don't worry about timings and hungry people etc. Nobody turns up to a wedding expecting IMMEDIATE FOOD RIGHT NOW! NOW! Every wedding I've ever been to across multiple cultures has the ceremony before any food is served, so people wouldn't expect to have food before 3pm and should line their stomachs beforehand accordingly. If its really hot on the day, having free bottles of water available during the ceremony would be a nice touch, they can help themselves from a big basket on the way in or something.

Ah sorry I totally missed that bit! Sorry OP

OP, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you should more for fewer people. Why does a 2nd wedding need 150 guests? You mention taking people by boat, which sounds absolutely dreamy. I would narrow down the guest list and do something chic and affordable, not spread your budget so thinly. The afternoon tea concept, unless every guest is seated doesn’t work, as this idea relies on the towers being served to seated guests who remain in place until the tea is done. You need to consider your venue and if it works the plan you have in mind.