Wanting to keep our destination wedding date with a newborn — am I mad to think this can work?

[Bianca2025]

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate some honest advice or experiences.

We’ve planned a destination wedding, and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. It’s lovely news, but the timing means our baby could be around 2 months old — maybe even younger — when the wedding happens.

The thing is, I mainly want to make it work and keep the date. I love the wedding we’ve planned, and I don’t feel ready to give that up. But I’m also wondering… am I mad to think this is actually doable with such a tiny baby?

I’m a very organised person and I like having things under control, so the idea of travelling abroad and managing a newborn while also being a bride feels like a lot to wrap my head around.

Has anyone here had a destination wedding with a very young baby? Or travelled internationally with a newborn?
How did you handle the flights, the logistics, feeding/sleeping, and actually enjoying the day?
Did you bring extra support? Would you do anything differently?

Even if you haven’t done it yourself, I’d love to hear what you’d do in my situation.

Thank you so much for any advice ❤️

Its not just baby... its you.
You may still be bleeding
You you've had stitches, you may still be uncomfortable sitting
If you've had a c section, seatbelts may still be uncomfortable
If your breastfeeding, you may have leaky boobs or blocked ducts etc
Your hormones may be all over the place
You ve severely sleep deprived.

(I realise I'm not selling motherhood here... but honestly, none of that matters when you've got your baby in your arms . However, long distance travel, or celebrating, may not be the top thing on your list of things to do.)

Also... it took us several weeks to get a registration appointment both times (one 7 weeks, the other 4 weeks). The passport was the easy bit.

I think it’s a really bad idea… for so many reasons.
And yeah, not having a passport will make it impossible anyway!

A white dress while you’re still bleeding. Leaky boobs and sleep deprivation. You just want to be in your own home with people bringing you food and tea…

Just echoing others’ comments. FTM here and my baby is five weeks old. My experience may be useful to hear about because it’s pretty middle of the road - some things have gone quite wrong, and others have been straightforward, which I reckon is a realistic prospect.

Had an emergency section at 40 + 5 after a long, difficult induction and labour. Though fit before and throughout pregnancy, it’s major surgery and I found the first 3-4 weeks quite difficult with some degree of pain most of the time.

Our baby is a relatively good sleeper at the moment, but that’s just luck, and of course we’re still pretty sleep deprived. You could get a terrible sleeper - one of my mum friends is up every half hour at the moment. It’s hell for her.

In terms of feeling physically well, I’m much better than I was, was able to start with walking a couple of days post section and am just now back to light exercise in the last week (think gentle swims, easy static bike sessions). My baby weight had mostly gone within a week so I would’ve been able to fit into my wedding dress in your situation, but again I feel that’s quite a lot down to luck and I had no idea if I’d be a totally different shape for a few months postpartum. Having said that, my scar and swelling are still pretty prominent and I’m definitely not feeling my best. In your shoes, I’d be wondering what size to get my dress in.

Overall though, I’m still a relative shell of myself and if I was due to get married in three weeks’ time, I’d be regretting setting that date. As others have said, the concern about baby vaccinations is really valid!

I’m generally someone who thinks I can do anything I put my mind to, even it’s when a bit ridiculous, but knowing what I know now, I could not advise this.

I took my seven week old to Italy for a wedding, it was very tight to get the passport, I had to go to London and do it in person, and I was still bleeding up to six weeks after birth. I don't think I would have wanted to do it as the bride! I was breastfeeding so had to wear something I could get my boobs out in, and I was getting almost no sleep.

Think about what the youngest age your baby is likely to be, what will you do if they are unwell or very late or you have to have a C section?

I think you should move the wedding.

I want to say go for it! But.... 🫣

Ignoring the passports.. when i thonk back to pp with my kids...

I would have had a breakdown / spent the day crying / had the worst wedding ever if i did it with my first.

With my 2nd i'd have got through it somehow with grited teeth and maybe enjoyed a few bits of the days. (my standards were way lower at this point in life so that would help).

If you have an EMCS or anything goes wrong you or baby could barely have left hospital... my second was in nicu for almost a month! We didnt expect it at all.

I'd look to push back 2 months or so or pull forward.

I wouldn't so soon.

At 4 weeks PP DS ended up in hospital with meningitis, and I was carted to a different hospital on the same day he was admitted with sepsis.

This was picked up, rather begrudgingly, by a community midwife who was coming to check that the triple feeding method we had employed to get DS back up to birth weight was working.

You don't know what sort of birth you'll actually end up having, although I'm sure you have a preference, but the infections we both had were an increased risk for both of us due to a C section.

I ended up with pretty bad post-infection fatigue, and there's no way I could have gone to a wedding down the road, never mind a destination wedding by 2 months PP.

And I actually felt fine, swimmingly so for the first 4 weeks. No pain from the C section, up and moving, better than ever and so glad to have been done with the hyperemesis, so I just couldn't have predicted what was going to happen.

I think you'd be crazy to try to go ahead with it.

First baby, so more likely to be late --so potentially the travel and fuss of the wedding 6 weeks after labour. I had a vaginal birth but quite a few stitches, and would not have been up to walking far 6 to 8 weeks after, and there's always so much walking in airports. You'll potentially be cluster feeding, so need to be with your baby all the time, though if breast feeding doesn't work out for you, you'll have to schlep formula, bottles and steraliser with you.

My DS didn't work out that night and day were any different from each other till about 3 months, so I was living in a bubble of tiredness for the first few months - very happy, but exhausted.

I went away with DS when he was 5 months, and it was really easy, he was portable, sleeping at night, still EBF, but we just pottered around.

If you want to get married,and generally it's in mother's interests to be married, bring the wedding forward and marry at home.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP but this sounds like a really bad idea.

You have absolutely no idea how your pregnancy and labour could go - anything could happen that might lead to complications around the birth or affect the babies date of arrival etc and that would throw all your plans out the window.

Both my babies were born via c-section and for the first 4-6 weeks in particular I was in discomfort unless I was lying down, even sitting down for more than an hour at a time was unpleasant…. So I’m not sure how you’d cope with a long distance flight if you found yourself in similar circumstances?

In the early months the baby does nothing but feed and the sleep deprivation could be exhausting. I used to cry at the thought of visitors coming over, never mind having to spend the day getting married and being surrounded by people and being active and happy. I genuinely couldn’t have done it.

Yes you may have have a fantastic pregnancy with a baby who arrives in time, and you have a perfect labour and a great recovery and a baby who feeds 3 hourly and sleeps through the night by the time the wedding arrives, and you’re back to yourself and full of energy but that’s a LOT of ‘possibles’ and extremely, extremely unlikely.

I imagine this destination wedding is costing you a fair bit of a money and there’s no way I would want to take that chance and end up having, what should an amazing and memorable life event, be ruined.

I would definitely re-book for when the baby is about a year old and have a fabulous wedding then.

I travelled internationally with a newborn- literally the quickest possible with passports etc as we were living abroad temporarily and I wanted to visit my family. But in your shoes I would delay the wedding- you want to be feeling your best so you can enjoy the day. There are so any variables- give yourself a few more months and make your life a lot easier.

Bringing extra support sounds good.

You just don't know how things will pan out so it's a big gamble. I was physically absolutely fine after birth - no issues/pain at all. But I didn't leave my house for the first 6 weeks other than to attend medical appointments - baby had feeding issues that meant our early weeks were horrendous. We were essentially house bound and I was getting at best 1-2 hours sleep a night (in several mini sleeps). Some nights no sleep at all. Zero chance I'd have wanted/enjoyed a trip anywhere! I was a zombie.

How old will baby be? With dc1 and dc4 I could absolutely have done it within weeks of them being born. I recovered very well and they were very ‘good’ babies. Dc2 was born with bilateral talipes so we had weekly hospital visits and numerous operations from 6 weeks old and dc3 hated being a baby and screamed for the first 3 years of his life literally continuously.
Where is the destination? How much support will you have? I wouldn’t say it’s a definite no that it can’t happen but I would also say that the best laid plans can go to shit if baby doesn’t play the game and you won’t know until they arrive.

ETA sorry - just saw baby will be at most 2 months. How long is the flight? Will you have time to get their passport? You could still be bleeding at that point. Either establishing breastfeeding or coping with milky boobs. It’s a lot. Not to say it couldn’t work but even with my dc1 and dc4 and how well I recovered it still seems a long shot either way a baby of approx 6/8 weeks. Dc2 and dc3 then absolutely not.

I'm a big believer in the fourth trimester.
The first 12 weeks is the time to focus on you & your baby, responding to their needs and settling into being a family.
Id say it was 10 weeks with DC1 when I realised we'd turned a corner & I felt like feeding was going okay and I may just be able to do this.

My feeling is you won't fully enjoy or get the best experience from either if you cram it all in together.

Nobody can tell you how motherhood is going to change everything. No doubt you 'could' do your wedding with a very young baby, but why on earth would you?!

Even if you give birth on your due date and everything is super smooth then getting an appointment to register the birth, then applying for the passport (including giving the counter signatory time to donor) and then receiving the passport back is a huge ask in 8 weeks.

Round here atm you wait 3 weeks for a birth registration appointment.

Way too many unknowns

And no way would I have been in a fit enough state with my baby to go abroad at 5 to 8 weeks. In fact, I know only one couple who would’ve been in a fit enough state to go abroad at that point. They had a miracle child he slept through the night from day one.

Definitely postpone

Thats true - with dc4 we had to wait 2 1/2 weeks to register the birth. Depending on the time of year you could be pushing it for a passport.

Does anyone else remember when you could travel on your parents passport? My name was literally written into the back of my mums passport (my sister was written onto my dad’s) I think I was about 6 but that was the early 80s 🙈

I agree with everything above, but just moving it to next year might not be that easy if your guests have already booked flights etc they may not do that twice. What stage are you at with paying for venue etc and what stage are guests at? Is this somewhere they could have a nice trip to anyway? assuming you’ve done save the dates or invites and people are booking already?

another option might just be to tell people (if they love you enough to come to wedding they can know if anything goes wrong with pregnancy) that you’re pregnant and you’re not sure if you’ll be able to go to the destination at all let alone host the wedding, but if you and baby are well enough you’ll fly out and host and engagement party out there and the wedding will be the year after.

I am a real mind over matter person but absolutely no way could I have done this with any of my 3.

I had very easy births with minimal interventions but I was wrecked every time. Bled loads, had pelvic girdle pain and needed crutches and belts, boobs were leaking rocks, had hormonal break outs etc.

I would absolutely not want any photos of me taken in the immediate post partum weeks to be ones I had up for life.

I was a bridesmaid for a best friend 6 weeks after dc2 and it was a mission. My dress had to be altered a lot and fittings were stressful as I was bleeding and leaking and feeding etc. I had to have the dressmaker lined up in advance and spare dresses and fabrics etc. My body was unpredictable in every direction. I could only wear flats due to my joint issues and my Mum had to come to help with sorting me and the baby with feeding and settling etc. Absolute drama.

Also, we travelled in the UK when dc3 was 5 weeks and he hadn't had any jabs. He caught chicken pox and was desperately unwell and I was so guilty as we could have stayed home and sheltered. There is absolutely no way I would risk a plane, public transport and then a different health system for an unvaccinated baby. That's before you think about water purity and sun and heat safety with a tiny one.

I went abroad with a six week old baby after a caesarian and it was fine. However she was my fifth baby, it wasn't my wedding, there were no complications, etc. Absolutely no-one can tell you it will be fine as there's too many variables.

No don't do this. There is too many emotions, not to mention money, invested, and it will most likely not go to plan.

Have you seriously looked into getting married in the next few month- I didn't show with my first till 20 weeks or so but even with a bump it will still be much easier and relaxing to have the wedding before you have a newborn. I'd be focused on that.

One thing to consider is who will be looking after the baby? If you’re expecting a relative to pay to come to your Wedding abroad for them to then spend the day looking after a young baby, which can be both exhausting and very time consuming, it’s a but cheeky. I would do it for my DC but I would think it just a little selfish, afterall, you only get to celebrate the Wedding of your DC once or twice maybe and I would like to enjoy that day without being a babysitter.

i would move all plans to same date the year following.

As per PP most first babies are late, I was in pain from vagina, struggling with breast feeding and bleeding at 6 weeks post partum plus baby not yet sleeping for more than a few hours (8 weeks old before 5 hours).

What everyone else said, plus you could end up having to lean on your family/friends a lot, which will make the whole thing less enjoyable for them.