Seating Plan

[Dolly1958]

I attended my nieces wedding with my sister and her husband. I don’t have a partner. It was my 1st time out after a replacement hip operation 3 weeks previously. The seating plan had a table of 10 of our close family. Including 2 of my brothers and sister. I was not put with them. I was on a table with total strangers and was upset. I didn’t make a fuss but now on reflection I am even more upset as I can’t find a reason as to why my niece couldn’t at least have put at least one other family member with me. I am still unsteady on my feet, walking with a stick and I felt isolated, I feel like she didn’t consider my feelings at all.

They did the seating plan ages ago didn’t they. You sound a little bit needy. Can you not talk to other people? I’m sure they were willing to be kind to you. Maybe that’s where 1 place was available to even up places? It’s only a meal.

I understand why you are upset. They could have put you on a table with other family members.

Even if you hadn’t had the operation when they made the seating plan, they shouldn’t have put you on a table where you didn’t know anyone. But I wouldn’t say anything about this to them now because it’s over and can’t be changed and it will look as though you are creating a problem. If I was the only family member on a table of strangers at my nieces wedding, I’d be upset too.

The seating plan was actually being changed on a regular basis. My niece told me that herself.
If you want to call it needy to want to be with my brothers and sisters ( who I don’t see on a regular basis) then yes I am. I love them and wanted to be with them. I’m not ashamed of that. They were just as upset as me.

It happened, you weren’t happy but dwelling on it won’t change anything so move on.

What can you change now?

I’ve recently got married and the table plan is extremely stressful, we had to change ours so many times and it was mainly to make the numbers work.

If you’d spoke about the seating plan or your niece spoke about it did you ask at the time who you were sat with or ask if it would be possible to seated with X because of the mobility issues?

When my niece got married, she asked me in advance if I minded being one of "the flexible people" as she was really struggling with the plan as obviously people don't know each other in convenient groups of 10.
I said of course. I don't mind who I sit with. Whatever I could do to make her big day smoother.
Because I genuinely love my niece and was obviously going to be at the day for several hours when I could talk to my siblings or whoever else I wanted to talk to, and it really wouldn't be difficult to chat with some other people for the 90mins or so it takes to have the meal.

I was quite touched that she realised it would be no issue at all doing that to help them.

Now, you clearly have a different outlook on life, BUT, as others have said, what would be the point of raising it now? It's done. Over. Complete. Finished. You having a moan won't change the fact you "suffered such hardship", but it will upset people.

This has sometimes happened to me. Usually a sister or bro-in-law swaps seats for a while etc.
You would have been able to mingle after the meal. Did you get up and see them walking about?

It's over so try not to dwell on the table seating. Do you think Niece thinks of you as very good at meeting new people? She perhaps thought you would enjoy yourself.

Why did you not ask if you were sitting with your siblings if you knew you were having an operation, were probably going to be unsteady on your feet and would prefer to be next to a family member?

Seating plans are really stressful because you can never make everyone happy. You could always ask why you were put on that table just to see what the reasoning behind it was. As for feeling bitter you need to let that go. It does no good dwelling on the past. You cannot change it.

Maybe she thinks you’re easy to get on with and a good conversationalist? It’s only for a couple of hours max you are at the tables, unless it was a very short wedding, that leaves plenty of time to catch up with family. It’s their wedding event, if you want a catch up with your family plan something else later.