Wedding guest worry

Imagineit · 2025-08-13T04:40:34+00:00

hi everyone, we had our engagement party a few weeks ago and one of the guests (partner of my FH’s friend) got either very drunk or something else (just seemed different to ‘drunk’ to me) and became loud, overbearing and eventually fell over. I’m worried about him being like that on our day and wondering if we can change their invite to evening only. Biggest issue is he is part of a larger party who would all have to travel to be there. Also he’s the parter of FH’s friend who is lovely. What do I do?

Nosleepforthismum · 13/08/2025 06:00

Might have just been a one off where he accidentally had a few too many. Happens to the best of us at times so I wouldn’t write him off unless you know he’s got form.

You can change the invite to evening only (assuming invites haven’t yet gone out) but I know lots of people that wouldn’t bother with the expense and travel for an evening reception unless it was local. So you can do it but be prepared for the couple to decline.

Springadorable · 13/08/2025 06:39

I think you have to assume he'll be the same, especially if there's wine on the tables or free drinks. So he'll be annoying whenever he arrives. Have either of you been out drinking with him before and can say if this is the norm? Or can you speak to his partner as she sounds lovely and is probably mortified about his behaviour and just lay your cards on the table that you can't have that sort of behaviour during the speeches?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/08/2025 07:00

He’s your finances friend, can’t you get him to have a word and tell him to behave?

Original poster

Imagineit · 13/08/2025 09:09

Thanks for all of these suggestions. I’m going to have a chat with my FH tonight about it. Invites are not out get and also inviting evening guests from 6pm so it’s not super late? I think the worst thing was the way he was so irritating to FH’s tee total friend, hanging off him and being really lairy. I was convinced it was more than just alcohol as well because he was so coherent but talking super fast. There was a point he was dancing round my living room with one shoe held over his head 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 13/08/2025 10:20

I think people generally behave at parties how they normally behave at parties. And it sounds like this guy inflicted his bizarre, overbearing, probably drug-fuelled behaviour on people the whole night. If he's like that at the engagement party of a friend of his partner's - where most people would want to show their best side - what might he be like at a whole day or evening of drinking wedding?

I'd be furious. Have you really not discussed it already with FH, OP? That's surprising. No explanations/context from him... no apologies from nice friend, or lairy guy himself? Does it feel like there's a bit of a conspiracy of silence in that friendship group, for nice friend's sake?

I wouldn't be inclined to risk a repeat performance at my wedding, day or evening. It's not just your day but other people's that he'd be ruining. Some people (his friends) might find that behaviour a laugh - 'Oh, that's just knobhead!' - but to others it's intimidating. I doubt the venue staff would be able to ignore it either.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/08/2025 12:05

Imagineit · 13/08/2025 09:09

Thanks for all of these suggestions. I’m going to have a chat with my FH tonight about it. Invites are not out get and also inviting evening guests from 6pm so it’s not super late? I think the worst thing was the way he was so irritating to FH’s tee total friend, hanging off him and being really lairy. I was convinced it was more than just alcohol as well because he was so coherent but talking super fast. There was a point he was dancing round my living room with one shoe held over his head 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

If he’s going to do drugs, then a 6pm start won’t make any difference.

Original poster

Imagineit · 13/08/2025 12:58

I’ve spoken to FH this morning. And he’s been totally supportive and has called his friend who is linked to this guy. Friend said whatever we choose to do is fine. I am not sure how we go about this at all, can we realistically just cut him out of the wedding and keep his wife and other family members?

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Springadorable · 13/08/2025 14:13

Imagineit · 13/08/2025 12:58

I’ve spoken to FH this morning. And he’s been totally supportive and has called his friend who is linked to this guy. Friend said whatever we choose to do is fine. I am not sure how we go about this at all, can we realistically just cut him out of the wedding and keep his wife and other family members?

I think you can if you don't really know him, but are close to his other family members. Hell, there are plenty of posts on here about close relatives of the bride and groom not making the cut, let alone someone this far removed.

CoastalCalm · 13/08/2025 14:32

Sounds like coke was consumed

Original poster

Imagineit · 13/08/2025 17:37

We sent a save the date last month. How honest would we need to be here or could we causally switch it to the evening? ESP since it’s from 6pm? Breaker for me is that FH says the guy hasn’t even messaged to apologise for his behaviour. There’s no way I’m paying out for this guy to get pissed up into some state on our day

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Springadorable · 14/08/2025 10:44

Imagineit · 13/08/2025 17:37

We sent a save the date last month. How honest would we need to be here or could we causally switch it to the evening? ESP since it’s from 6pm? Breaker for me is that FH says the guy hasn’t even messaged to apologise for his behaviour. There’s no way I’m paying out for this guy to get pissed up into some state on our day

Well he's definitely going to do the same at the evening do if he hasn't even apologised as he sees that behaviour as acceptable. I agree he's taking coke and like most people becomes and arrogant bore. I would actually say why to the friend, and say she's welcome to come for the day if she wants but he's not invited due to his previous behaviour as you can't risk that around elderly relatives and children (for instance) and not have him at all.

weddinghelp2026 · 19/08/2025 13:56

Sounds like he was annoying but this made me laugh "There was a point he was dancing round my living room with one shoe held over his head"- the horror!!