Dress code - can I say you can dress up if you want?

[Doughnut100]

Our wedding is a nice town hall, then pub reception. I'll probably be wearing a massive needle & thread gown, my partner will wear a tweed jacket, blue trousers and waistcoat and brown leather shoes.

I was going to write in the information for guests something like "dress fancy if you like (or not if you don't)!" to make sure everyone is comfortable. I'd like people to dress up, but for example I have male friends who probably don't own suits, and I don't expect anyone to spend money buying a suit for this.

Two people have already asked me if they can dress down, and one person asked to dress up, and I said yes to everyone!

However I've just done an internet search and it seems that people like to have a clear dress code so they don't feel over or under dressed.

Is there another way I can word this? Or do I have to be more clear?

I do think you need to give some kind of guidance, most people will find it difficult to know what to wear and will be stressed about getting it wrong.

Thank you. Hmm I've told someone they don't need to buy a suit but I don't want a fully casual wedding. Is there an in between I can say?

I hate dress codes at weddings, if it matters ask, if not can you not just say nothing or come in whatever makes you happy?
Surely your friends know you're a big dress have a party kinda girl?

I really see you’re trying to be nice - but can you imagine if you turned up in a full on wedding outfit plus hat / heels etc and you were the only one as the rest of the guests were in jeans and a shirt??

Or you went casual and everyone else had gone glam?

You really need to pick a dress code: I’d suggest ‘smart - but suits not required”

I think what you have suggested to write is absolutely fine.
Who would wear a hat to a wedding roses days unless specified?!

Yes I mean this was exactly my thoughts. But then I totally understand @FusionChefGeoff 's point...

And yes exactly @Brbreeze I certainly don't expect anyone to turn up in a hat!!!

I actually think I like "Dress fancy (or not!)" To me that says dress up, but if for whatever reason you don't want to, it's fine.

I love a specific dress code. Whether it is black tie, fancy frocks are whatever. At least you know what is expected. The worst is ‘smart casual’ which is a bit of an oxymoron.

How about ‘dress for a party’

Sounds like smart casual sums up what you’re after

This 100%

The only wedding I've really 'ummed and ahed' about for months was the one where they said dress up if you want or dress down if you want.
I became quite anxious about what the expectation was. I like to dress up for a special occasion and was really worried I'd stand out a mile which I definitely didn't want to do.

Surely most people expect to dress up for a wedding, so if you don’t say anything that’s what they will do, and if a few dress down then that’s fine too.

Ambiguous wording would worry me as I wouldn’t know what to wear then! I’d personally say nothing. People know what to wear for a wedding. But Smart - but suits not required - is also good.

A non-ambiguous dress code helps people plan/feel confident.. ‘dress up if you want to’ is unhelpful imo.

‘Cocktail’ would be the one.

Given the amount of threads on social media about suitable dress for weddings it seems that many people have no fucking clue.

Smart casual

I like your original plan. It's what I'd do if I ever have a wedding.

People generally have a few favourite outfits, and they know whether they're more comfortable being slightly overdressed or slightly underdressed. So it gives everyone a chance to choose the perfect thing to wear.

Love your thinking on this! Maybe the point is you want as smart as people are comfortable with?
So something like “Dress code: as smart as you like” or “party clothes in your own style” so it’s clear you don’t want to force new suits on people but don’t want them coming in t shirts and tracky bums?

I would find what you are planning to say utterly confusing and wouldn't know whether to dress up or down. Even smart casual can be confusing. I was at an event with that dress class recently and the clothing ranged from super glam frocks, heels and fascinators to long skirt, trainers and denim jackets (me!). It really wasn't a super glam event. Why do you even need a dress code? I've never been to a wedding that has one.

Agree with this tbh. People naturally wear what they want to and the settings will give enough of a clue that there’s scope to be more casual if people prefer. Saying anything might be more confusing - people can always ask if they’re worrying about it.

Haha so many different ideas on here!

So far I like:

1: Say nothing
2: Dress code: smart - but suits not required
3: Dress for a party
4: Dress code: as smart as you like
5: Party clothes in your own style

Can I ask any of the hardline dress code people if any of those are good enough? Surely number 2 ticks most boxes?

To be honest our friends are not the kind of people that would ever judge someone for how they dress. So I'm erring towards saying nothing. We are sending invites by whatsapp so people can easily ask if they need.

Number 2 implies that suits shouldn't be worn, whereas presumably you wouldn't mind if people actually did wear suits? In my experience the default expectation of men's wedding attire is a suit so they probably do need to be told that no suits is ok.

Sending out the invitations by WhatsApp rather than a physical invitation would imply to me that it's a very casual affair indeed as would pub reception. In that case if you want people to dress up then you probably will have to say something, probably number 4.

I think the opposite. Everyone knows own what the general dress code is for a wedding. Some will choose to go up or down from it. But nobody needs to be told a dress code unless you want something out of the ordinary.

It always comes across as demanding to me however you phrase it

Exactly this. It’s a wedding. I don’t know when grown adults started needing direction on what to wear for perfectly normal occasions.

Another who thinks 'say nothing'.

If anyone is then anxious about it, they can then ask.

On reflection I’d go with say nothing…