What Do I Do First?!

[Abbie05]

I’m approaching 31 and have recently got engaged. I’m so excited about planning a wedding! Realistically we aren’t going to be able to get married until 2 years time. I have always wanted to get married before I have children as want to enjoy it all without having the responsibility of looking after a child. My partner is really keen to have a baby before the wedding but I’m panicking as it won’t give me much time to get back into shape before the wedding. If I wait until after we are married I will be 33 when I have my first baby (if everything goes to plan) and then likely 35 for my second. I’m worried this will be leaving it too late and I’m not sure what to do first!

Realistically we aren’t going to be able to get married until 2 years time

This isn’t true. You could book an appointment at the register office and get married as soon as you like. What you mean is that you need to wait for a wedding!

If you want to be married, book the register office now.

I was a similar age to you. We got married in the local Registrar’s Office and had a smallish party afterwards. Baby arrived the following year

33 and 35 is not too old to have kids if you have no fertility issues - and many are not age related any way. But not clear why you have to wait two years to get married? Have the wedding you can afford sooner.

You need to work out what the priority is OP, is it having children, or is it a big wedding? You don’t need to save 2 years for a wedding, and it’s dangerous to just assume you will fall pregnant when you are ready, sometimes it can take a while! Or things go wrong. Are you ok with it if you potentially miss out on having multiple kids because you held off and waited for the big wedding? Personally if I really wanted kids I’d have a small cheap wedding now, but if I wasn’t too fussed I’d save and have the wedding of my dreams. It’s all about compromise

Doesn’t sound like you want a quickie register office wedding and that’s fine, I wouldn’t either! I’d personally go for it and try for a baby now. You’ve met the right man who is committed and you both want the same things.

Once baby is here you can plan a wedding accordingly even if it’s a bit different to how you imagined it. It’s a fertility gamble waiting 3 years when you don’t have to.

What’s your financial situation?

If you have a cushion to be comfortably able to bring up a child as a single mum, then it doesn’t matter so much.

If you’re reliant on two incomes (or your partners’ income + you PT, for instance), then I would 100% get married first.

Every day there are cautionary tales here from women who say ‘we planned a wedding but never got round to it and now I’m single with kids and skint’.

What budget does getting married in 2 years get you? Enough budget for a good enough wedding, or the dream wedding? If it's the dream wedding, can you downscale it to a good enough wedding, DIY some stuff, get rid of a few bridesmaids and favours and go sooner? As someone who got married just over a month ago, so it's all still fresh, what people appreciated was nice food, some wine on the tables, and a good singer for entertainment, so for me they're the 3 to prioritise.
I also highly recommend setting yourself a budget for the dress, a lowish one, and sticking to it- it's beautiful on the day, but it is just for one day and now it's in a box. Nobody wants to buy them second hand.

I would prioritise the wedding over the baby- once you have a baby, there's maternity leave, trying for baby number 2, maternity leave again, then bigger house and car to fit you in, bloody childcare. A wedding will not be your priority at that point, and it won't be the same wedding that you'd have now anyway.