Wedding Friday

[Trudy1019]

Ok so literally planned this wedding in less than 8 months, my wedding is Friday we have 3 kids so haven’t really had time to be with maid of honour or best man. I’ve basically planned it all myself the organising of the day - had a phone call yesterday off f.o.g how he doesn’t know anything - why isn’t groom going in with the best man - why haven’t the grooms family got lifts sorted for them - I’m stressed. I’ve done all the planning myself I haven’t organised lifts for anyone - I’m staying which will be tonight with the bridesmaids for the night before my mother has booked a hotel so she’s able to with us I also offered this option to m.o.g but nothing was taken - they knew about this wedding 8 months ago surely lifts should of been sorted or taxis? I feel my family is too involved now and I feel awful I haven’t stopped crying I don’t want anyone feeling left out it’s just no one has reached out to me about anything I’ve just plodded along with my mothers help - got told the m.o.g knows nothing which is bs I’m just over whelmed all I do is try and please people - I mentioned how my moh is doing a speech “that’s not traditional” “ never knows bride party to say anything “ then went quiet … I’m really trying right now I feel like cancelling . And to top it off m.o.g is on table 4 which my partner said tonight she will kick off but he told me to move that table from 2 down as she doesn’t get along with his step mum and then she fell out with 2 other members of the family so I had to move them and then there’s no other family members on there just friends which we didn’t want to be at the front when we have the groomsmen and bridesmaids - I now feel awful as my family are table 1 then f.o.b and groomsmen partners table 2 and she’s number 4 I just feel like cancelling all together my partner is chilled he’s like it’s about us stop worrying she shouldn’t fall out with people then this wouldn’t happen …. I need help reassurance - thing is if I was mother of groom I wouldn’t like being table 4 but she is literally the only family member on there the rest is a close neighbour and son and then a friends parents and grandparents .. am I an awful person? 😭 I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know how I’m going to explain when she says something …

On top of this the past week I’ve been constantly asked to run around after his side and I’m also working full time booked no time off for the wedding whilst I’m looking after 3 kids, my sister who I hardly see is requesting a plus one my nephews girlfriend is wearing ivory low cut short dress and all the things I’ve booked contacted me all yesterday I can’t cope

Tell your DP he is responsible for sorting his family, including seating. If he has put his mum on table 4 presumably he knows what he’s doing.
Youre not responsible for transporting anyone, and you can have anyone you like doing speeches. Ignore the comments. Let DP deal with his family. Direct any complaints to him . They sound difficult, and he will know how to deal with them.
Focus on sorting yourself and your children out, and enjoy the day. You are not responsible for DPs family.

Don’t cancel. Put your husband to be’s mum on table 1 with your family and demote some siblings to make space for her. Ignore everything else.

Don’t cancel, tell fil that your dh is responsible for their side and tell you dh he needs to sort what’s happening with his family including lifts and seating arrangements.
Then relax, any further comments refer them to your husband to be.

Move a few people off table 1 to make way for your future mil, putting her on table 4 was an oversight by both of you. Parents of both bride & groom go on the top table.

Your fiance can speak to his dad about the best time for taxis to collect them for the wedding.

People don't usually offer to help because they know the bride and groom usually plan their own wedding. Doesn't look like much delegation went on with yours but it's no problem. You're having the wedding you want & that's all that matters, however your fiance can tweak things so his family have more of an equal footing with yours.

I wouldn't be moving MIL if that doesn't work for you. No one will even notice what table she's on and will set the tone for the rest of your relationship with her!

OP, your own and your future DH’s parents should be on table 1 - not step parents or new partners of your parents, the actual parents. When my DD got married, her father (my ex) and I were on the top table - his partner couldn’t come (unwell) and my DH was on a different table with my sisters. I know wedding seating plans are an absolute nightmare, but this sounds as though you will be falling out with your MIL before you’re even married!
As for lifts, it’s for your fiancé to sort and organise lifts for his family, or to tell them to sort themselves out - it absolutely isn’t your problem.
It can be hectic in the run up to a wedding, but don’t let it get on top of you. It will all be lovely on the day!

@Trudy1019
You're nearly at the finishing line so don't run out of steam now.
You've done a marvellous job of organising a wedding in 8 months, think you've missed your calling there, Wedding Planner!

Let DP sort his parents out, I've never heard of the happy couple arranging transport to the wedding unless everyone is setting off from one place, such as Bride, bridesmaids, parents.

Isn't it understood that the B&G have enough on their hands and everyone makes their own way there?

As for MIL I'd definitely move her to table 1, it would be very disrespectful and hurtful as a DM to be relegated to the "friends" table.

If you can't move anyone, speak to the venue and insist on another place being set for her, everyone will have to budge up and make some room.
It's only for the meal, as soon as the meal is over everyone tends to mingle.

Have a lovely wedding, update us on how it goes, I love a wedding 💒

I’d definitely move you MIL to the top table. That’s quite the oversight to have not thought of that before.

why hasn’t you DH (to be) sorted out his own family. He can book taxis today. It’s not big deal.

Put actual parents on the top table, the rest is fine. MIL on table 4 is likely something she won’t get past.

His mum and dad should be on the same table as your mum. The step mum gets moved down

Tell his family that your oh is arranging his side of the family but no transport is being arranged

I think it’s very odd not to have the mog on the top table.
Your oh needs to speak to his family and explain what is happening. Tell them if he had booked transport or not etc.

Hi sorry the top table is just me & my partner and then the guests are scattered in front of us.
I’ve actually messaged to see if I can get a new table plan if not when the tables are numbered I am putting bridesmaids & groomsmen near us followed then by my family & her table . So it’ll go 2 3 1 4 look silly but she will then see my family table is next to hers so there’s no difference. I can’t put her on my family table as my family table is full and they don’t really speak in exact so I’m just trying to solve everything .
thanks so much everyone I feel a bit more calm today x

Do yourself a favour and give your tables names rather than numbers. MIL on table four is not going to be a great start to a marriage.

Give all the tables apart from the top table names instead of numbers.

Any issues or judgements from anyone just respond with "if you don't like it, don't come."

Just so say totally normal to feel this way. Youve done amazing to plan the wedding in 8 months. I had a huge falling out with my mum before the wedding over something neither of us cared about and she also laughs now about how she and her mum fought over non-existant wedding cars i.e. wedding and reception next door but they fell out over the cars they would have got if they had needed them. Its the stress.

If you are redoing the signs, consider table name not numbers ie rose, Daffodil, then no one can be made about their ranking.

Also any queries from grooms side is immediately directed to groom. MN tinkly laugh and 'youll have to ask dh about that' also fog and mog seem tricky. Have MOH or best man be on point to redirect them so you can keep your bubble of happiness on the day

Weddings are stressful but they are expecting too much from you, it's not your job to arrange their transportation.

His mum should be in table 1 though, your parents and his together, and his stepmother can go somewhere else. It would be hurtful to put his mother in table 4.

Great advice from PPs to change table numbers to names. Hierarchy problem solved, ruffled feelings averted!

I don't know your in-laws or your relationship with them OP, but thinking about it from their side, they might have been waiting for you to tell them your arrangements - whether it was who was being picked up in what car, when: or whether they were totally in charge of making their own arrangements as long as they got to the venue by x o'clock. And perhaps being mindful of your busy life, they didn't want to bother you or look pushy when no info was forthcoming.

These 'minor' details are difficult to work out, and it's why I fume when people casually say that planning a wedding is as hard as you want to make it! Weddings are a masterclass in project management and diplomacy. Most of us aren't professionals and we do our best.

That's exactly what you've done OP. And as long as you have a genuine smile, appreciation and welcome for everyone on the day, all will be fine.

Only just seen this thread.

I hope you had a lovely day @Trudy1019 and everything worked out for you.

I hit around the seating of parents and step parents but having them all host their own tables filled with their friends. My parents had one table, his mother and step dad actually sat with their exes (partner swap in the 1970s and they all got on).
Anyway hope it’s all been sorted and have a great day!