Is it worth it

[Chittychattymatty]

Got engaged last summer. Now we are starting to plan it. Initially we wanted something small and intimate. However it seems the smaller the wedding the more expensive. Wanted to go aboard more bang for your buck, but a very close friend of the groom is doing that around the same time we wish to get married. So we
Found a venue that is balanced. Chapel on site it's beautiful. The cost per head is expensive but we can do it within our budget. However I am not enjoying the planning whatsoever, nor is my fiancé. Did anyone regret their wedding day. I love him and will be with him forever. He's my best friend. Family are not putting us under pressure but are excited to celebrate. Neither of us are traditional I just don't know what to do. 25k for one day? Any advice, experience opinions..

My simple advice is do what is right for you and s@d everyone else, it’s your day and it’s your life together afterwards 😀

Absolute waste of time and money. Get married at a register office and use the 25k for something more worthwhile.

I’d rather use it for a trip of a lifetime rather than a dull wedding where most people would probably be doing something more interesting instead.

I might not be the best sounding board though as I’m about to get married without telling anyone.

I loved planning our wedding. It was ten years ago, we married in a hotel with 100 guests. It cost 6500. ( for everything) our parents paid for it and we paid for the honeymoon . It was the best day of my life.
Is it that it’s not the wedding you want? or not the price you want?

I didn’t really enjoy the planning or even the day itself particularly. And we spent £25k almost 10 years ago.

I don’t regret it, as everyone had a great time and DH loved it, and the money didn’t affect us much - we didn’t save for it.
BUT if I had my time again I would do something simple. A registry office followed by a party in a nice pub or somewhere special to us. I wouldn’t worry about feeding 100 people canapés, a 4 course meal, late night snack and lots of booze. It really isn’t necessary. Lots of people came to mine who I’ve barely seen since and have never bought me dinner.

My DH and I did this and we wouldn’t have had it any other way - think we spent about £500 all in, and that included our wedding rings!

It was done exactly that way for years and years. Social media and Z-list reality show people put paid to that. People can't seem to ignore all the noise.

My husband and I were not planning a big wedding but I remember the planning, omg I remember thinking I’d just like a weekend that isn’t involved in any planning at all. We only had about 50 people to the main buffet and then another similar amount in the evening. It all went really well but I do sympathise with the planning, it seems never ending.

25k for a small wedding is insane. I had a wedding of 80-90 guests and it cost 12k.

If you’re not enjoying planning and don’t want to spend the money just get down the registry office, have a lovely meal out with your nearest and dearest and go on a lovely honeymoon.

We spent about £12k in 2019. Ceremony, meal, party after. I DIYed a lot (which I loved), had a sample dress so got it cheap, kept rings super basic and cheap. We had about 50 people and a few more for the evening (mainly our colleagues as we both had jobs that involved working Saturday so they wouldn’t have been able to come for the ceremony).

I have zero regrets. It was the best day, not just because I married my husband but also because it was the one time where my family from Scotland, my family from the south, his family from Liverpool and his family from Devon were all in one place. We spent enough we felt like we had an amazing wedding but without spending on stupid, ott things that have become so popular. We definitely could have cut back on things to make it cheaper - we had a photographer and videographer, the videographer was pricey but we absolutely LOVE our wedding video and was worth it for us personally. Our venue was quite pricey and we went for more expensive caterers as we had to cover vegan, kosher and toddler needs as well as fussy grandparents so they were super flexible with options.

That's excellent!

For my first wedding, we got married in the local registry office, followed by a meal for the guests (family and close friends) in a local hall. My DF kindly paid for the caterers. In the evening we had a proper reception in the same hall with lots of family and friends which was kindly paid for by my MIL.

For my second wedding. we got married in the same registry office and just had a small buffet reception at DH's home which I was in the process of moving into.

Personally, I think your way is the best way. The simpler the better!

Hi Chittychattymatty — huge congrats on your engagement! 🎉 Totally hear you on the stress of planning. It can feel like a lot, especially when you’re not loving the process and just want something meaningful and low-key.

Weirdly, small weddings do often end up costing more per head — the fixed costs don’t shrink just because the guest list does. It sounds like you’ve found a lovely venue though, and if it works with your budget, that’s a big step forward.

That said, it’s absolutely okay to feel unsure or even frustrated. Loads of couples don’t enjoy planning — it’s basically a second job. If you’re both feeling a bit off about it, maybe strip it back to what you two actually want and just build around that. Let go of the stuff that feels like a chore or doesn’t mean anything to you.

As for the £25k — it’s a lot, but for some people it’s worth it, and for others, a registry office and a pub lunch feels just as special. There’s no wrong answer. It’s your day, and it should feel like you.

It honestly sounds like you’ve got such a solid foundation with your partner — and that’s what really matters. Everything else is just background noise.

Wishing you both all the best with whatever you decide 💛