My partner and I are recently engaged yay and have drawn a rough guest list and seen a venue we like. We're looking at roughly 60 people in the day and an additional 20-30 in the evening.
Here's further context. I'm an only child. My Mum died two years ago. So for immediate family I only have my Dad. I have decided to invite my aunts and uncles on my Mum's side and my one aunt and uncle on my Dads side, as I'm closer to them and so my Mum feels 'represented.'
My Dad's side I've never been close to, they would make mean jibes to my Mum and are generally quite arrogant, unpleasant people. I have one aunt on his side who is nice and is my godmother and will reach out now and again. He has four other siblings I have very little to do with
Whenever my Dad sees them at family events (I rarely go or rarely invited as there's like 20+ cousins) he always comes back moaning about them and they all make underhanded comments to each other. Recently it was his birthday and only my aunt, mentioned above, sent him best wishes. The others didn't bother and my uncle had the cheek to ask to borrow a tool a few days later. They have offered no support to my Dad since he became widowed.
So back to the guest list. We have identified 60 people including 14 family (roughly 9 from my side, 5 from my partner's, he has siblings and parents but no close extended family). I mentioned this to my Dad and he asked about his family and I said probably just his sister and brother in law. He was quite shocked, he hasn't pushed back. He just said a few people might be upset, but I'm like Why? Surely they're not bothered either and anyway it doesn't bother me that they are as that relationship doesnt exist anyway
For context, he's not mad on my Mum's side of the family but they're the side I have more of a relationship with and that my partner has met. He has also offered some money towards the wedding which we haven't accepted yet but I can see it seems harsh to accept the money and essentially not have most of his family there.
However it's our day and I want to prioritise having the 60 people that mean the most to us.
My consideration was inviting the wider family to the evening do as to be honest, the stakes are lower and less time with him. I've even said to my Dad I'm happy to have a couple of his best mates at the evening do as they've done more to support him than family.
What do people think?