Wedding planning driving me mad!

[Rach7291]

I am honestly so over trying to plan a wedding. I’ve been engaged 6 years and we haven’t got married because we can’t decide what sort of wedding we want. My Stepdad (that was basically my dad), passed away 6 years ago. I also lost my grandad 3 years ago. I have a almost non existent relationship with my real dad. My Stepdad would have given me away but when he died, it would have been my Grandad. Now i have neither of them, it doesn’t feel the same. Me and DP are thinking of just getting married just us and DD. I feel alot of guilt for not having my mum there. I also feel guilty for not inviting my real dad, even though i know i shouldn’t feel guilty.

anyone been through something similar and actually made a decision? I know its mine and DP’s day and I can’t please everyone but i’m finding it really hard.

You don’t have to follow traditions. You could choose to walk down the aisle with your mum, or alone, or go in with your partner. Don’t agonise over it. Being married is the important bit, not the wedding itself!

I’d do you DP and DD at the registry, couple of Mumsnet randoms as witnesses. Organise a party for everyone afterwards! I think the emotion of not having the people you want there makes a big do difficult, do the necessary and then celebrate.

My son is getting married next year. His lovely fiancé lost her father two years ago and they have decided that her mum will walk her down the aisle. They have asked me to be a witness so that I would have a part to play which I am thrilled about.

The “ rules” about who does what at a wedding ceremony do not matter anymore.

Oh bless you. Forget convention - a wedding is what ever you want it to be!

One of the most memorable weddings I went to was just a handful of people at a registry office followed by a meal. The couple were so happy, it was small, intimate and a day full of love and laughter.

The wedding is just a day, the marriage and your life together is what matters.

You don't need to be "given away", but if that's important to you, then your mum can do it.
This is 2025 - you just need it to be legal, and anything else is entirely up to you. You can organise it in a couple of weeks, tbh.

Its not about anyone giving me away, its more about the guilt i’m feeling.

You don't have to be 'given away'.

You can walk down the aisle on your own, together with your fiance, or with your mum. Or anyone else you like!

My dad died shortly before my wedding. Everyone I knew claimed to have been told by him what his wishes were for my wedding - funny that he didn't share them with me 🤔

Anyway I planned the wedding with a theme of 'stuff that I like' - Mumsnet was very helpful for having a sane wedding forum.

Have the wedding at a registry office, walk in together with your dd between you with your mum and other people close to you there and book a table (or private room) at a favourite restaurant, just don’t mention the word wedding, they double the price! Simple but meaningful with the people you love there. Let your dd choose a dress and pick yourself something you otherwise wouldn’t treat yourself to rather than a traditional gown perhaps, my friend bought a beautiful silk midi length dress by a young designer and a £600 handbag for hers then wore it on the plane later that day when they flew to Sicily for the weekend

Sorry OP, cross posted with your post about the guilt.

I'd separate out your relationship with your mum and dad, genuinely do you want one, both or neither there?

Even though I was a grown adult who had left home 15 years previously and held a senior management position, I found wedding planning was an unexpected transition into adulthood I hadn't expected - I had to make decisions that didn't please everyone and live with them. And there was a lot of guilt and desperation to people please.

Ultimately even if you have amazing relationships with both your mum and dad, there would probably be something about your wedding choices they didn't like. It really is about a new phase of your adult life even if you think you have been an adult for years.

Guilt about not having your mum there? Then have her there! And don't feel any guilt about bio dad what so ever. You could always send him a post-wedding photo note card to tell him it happened and, if you wanted, extend an invite to meet you for a meal or something low key to mark that it happened. Make it easy on yourself!