Not being chosen to be bridesmaid

[ZanyPinkSeal]

My long term friend of 25 years hasn’t chosen me to be one of her bridesmaids. When we were kids we were best friends. We now live far from eachother however I’ve always put in effort to maintain our friendship. She has children and I don’t and I’ve always gone out of my way to visit. We live very different life’s and I’ve always respected that.

Shes having a smallish wedding and from what I can see her bridal party consists of 3 people one her sister and daughter. I am currently pregnant and baby could potentially be a month or even 3 weeks at the time of the wedding. I wonder if this is why. Regardless though I do feel hurt by it. I feel like I’ve been through a lot with the couple and view her partner like my brother, I’ve also supported them through a lot! For me personally if just shows that I maybe valued the friendship too much.

Am I overreacting or is it valid, I clearly am full of pregnancy hormones right now! Haha

Pregnancy hormones can I’d say - other than this is it a friendship you value and do you feel loved?

I’d count yourself lucky. Being a bridesmaid is the worst.

Sister and daughter is a very "family only" feel which is probably to avoid her having to choose any friends. I did the same, kept it small and family only to avoid upsetting anyone.

I think you're over-reacting, a bit. She has a small bridal party, you'll be a new (first time) mum. She can't fit in everybody and she's recognised you'll be otherwise preoccupied.

If one is her sister and one is her daughter, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her not to have chosen you, sorry. She’s not obliged to have friends as bridesmaids and it’s not like she’s chosen other friends over you

Given she's only having her sister and daughter, I wouldn't feel very left out by this. It would be different if she was having other friends I think. Much easier to enjoy the day and navigate a newborn baby without the hassle of being bridesmaid too!

ok thanks all, maybe I am overreacting, I guess it is just that I would have chosen her so it hurts abit.

If she had other friends I’d be upset, but the fact she’s just had her sister and daughter I wouldn’t worry. Not everyone wants a big deal for their weddings. I’d process your disappointment but just take comfort in the fact it’s unlikely to be personal and being a bridesmaids is hard work. Something you don’t need with a small bub trust me.

DIL just had her sister. Kept costs down and meant there was no chosing. If you are likely to have a new born I'd be very grateful to your friend.

You may not even want to go to the wedding with a 3 week old? I couldn’t go to my friend’s wedding and she also didn’t expect me to.

I don’t think there is any reason to feel hurt, especially as it seems she’s gone for more of an intimate, family feel, rather than 12 other friends.

I’ve recently had the same thing happen. Life long friend (she’s my cousin), I had her as one of my bridesmaids, and she’s not having me, just her two sisters.

I can empathise; it hurts! And has left me questioning if I value the relationship more than she does etc etc. Afraid I have no real advice, just solidarity!