Wedding presents

[bou]

We had a very small wedding. My parents gifted an expensive luxurious bed set and my friend knitted products easily of value of £300. PIL gave a champagne bottle of exactly the same we were serving. Sil gave a Prosecco bottle. It seems there was absolutely no effort involved. There is high possibility that sil is marrying soon so should I give them Prosecco bottle as well?

Although some on here are trying to justify night as day, yes it’s a rubbish gift from the grooms DPs, it’s more like something you would give if you got an evening invite. And yes it means they don’t like you - sorry.

If it’s a very small wedding I think a bottle of something is fine as a present.

You sound exhausting. They got you something. Surely it’s better that they were there to celebrate with you. If you have an issue with it, tell them. Or is it easier to winge about it on the internet instead of being honest? Give them the present back and continue playing games. Can’t fathom it.

Oh for goodness sake: why can’t the bride complain: it’s very much a token gift they recieved: it’s the type of thing I’d bring going to the engagement party or evening reception of a colleague that I didn’t know well.

is it a second wedding for either of you?

Prosecco for your sibling getting married is definitely not the English way. The only thing we often do is provide a registry or specifically ask for things (recently its often cash or honeymoon vouchers but can be specific gifts from a department shop), so I guess by not asking for anything they had free rein. I (as a normal guest) would aim for about the value of the meal (I normally give the equivalent of about £100 if husband and I both come). For a sibling or close family I'd give that plus something personal like their favourite champagne, or something marked for the day. As an example my brother bought us our first dance as a piece of art (sounds weird but very thoughtful), my parents bought us an incredibly fancy designer pen (to sign the registry, which we weren't actually allowed to use in the end).
I think she's deliberately chosen something both cheap and thoughtless. Evening they were financially struggling they could get something thoughtful.

You've two choices - be the bigger person and do what she should have done, it'll make her feel small and guilty. Play her at the same game and save your time and money and gift her a bottle of cheap wine too.

I'd give them some cheap cava and plastic picnic flutes 🤣

I don't think my parents or PIL got us any wedding presents. I never expected any certainly. Seems a bit weird to me for parents to buy wedding presents. Not sure why.

But people on here are told all the time to buy a bottle of champagne if they haven't been given any steer. Not sure why that's suddenly not acceptable.

You should buy the gift for SIL and her husband that you would have done had their wedding come first. Don't make it a competition or a time to score points. Trying to do that is boring and petty.

Buy a couple on mugs with bride and groom on

Or give SIL the champagne her mother gave you.

No its not the English way. Please don't insult us like that. You just chose a shitty family to marry into, they dont like you and didnt want you to marry their son. A crap present was their way of showing that. Sorry OP, enjoy 50 years of marital misery unless you put your foot down and demand some respect.

Did they give a card with money too? It’s quite common to give a bottle of champagne and a card with money too. But I would only do a bottle of champagne for a work colleague.

I agree it’s very little thought so 100% do the same!!

I would be tempted to pair up the Prosecco and champagne bottles and put his and hers labels on them and regift them 😅.

But (sadly) back in the grown up world, as a PP said, I’d just leave it to DP to deal with it because then at least if they don’t like future gifts from you guys, they’re hardly likely to make overly negative comments if your DP takes accountability always for them.

there could reasons, money, thoughtful re sane champagne as wedding, or just they had other stressors on that you don’t know about.
I think yabu as it sounds very ungrateful. I find wedding present shopping hard - want to get it right but difficult to know what to get so often might go for a ‘safe’ option after weeks of deliberating

Materialistic or what? Good luck with your future.

Just saw mil and he started to discuss with Dh about SILs big birthday. There is apparently very nice bracelet sil wants and mil was asking if they can go halves.

i would understand a bottle of champagne as a present from friend or collague. It just shows no effort was put in knowing mil puts so much effort on other people’s presents

I would pipe up, well we only got Prosecco for our wedding so why would we go halves on a bracelet

Same bottle back sounds good to me!

If you are irish (as I am), wedding presents are definitely lower value in England than they tend to be in Ireland ime. But a bottle of prosecco is quite thoughtless. It isn't about the money really

When I got married (divorced now) SIL&BIL gave us cushions for outdoor seating that we didn’t have. I was very perplexed at this gift. But fair enough, maybe she didn’t know we don’t have garden furniture. So I brought them back to B&Q after finding out where they were from. Only to find that she had bought them in the previous years sale and they were now worth the grand total of £1. They said I could exchange them only for the same items and they would take the £1 off. So I had to spend £34 on cushions in a colour I actually liked for furniture, I still didn’t have. And I stored them until I had furniture.

Yes, I could have sold them on eBay or something like that, but I always found that was way more hassle than it was worth.

Mil was not happy when Dh dropped the bomb that we are abroad on sils birthday. She was muttering about how the big birthday is important. For that she said that as dd has her birthday later this week she should share the day with sil to celebrate her as well.

Who cares? She doesn't like you, you don't like her. Get used to crap presents. Personally, presents are not a big deal for me so I'd not give a shit if I got a bottle. In saying that if it's something thoughtful it's a bonus. But your expectations are too high in the knowledge MIL doesn't like you, that's the only problem here.

As for presents. Either leave it to DH and not care, or give her something of your standard ie don't act like a brat, act like an adult.

I would leave all present buying for them to your H, I would be polite to them as they your H family but not let them concern me.

What does DH say to their gifts?

Let what MIL says go in one ear and out the other. Unless you live with them, you don't need to spend time with her listening to what she wants.

She doesn’t like you and you don’t like her so who cares? You also sound grabby. Why are you so much more focused on the presents than the people who made the effort to turn up to your wedding and celebrate with you? I don’t give wedding presents at all because the whole culture is so entitled. If my company isn’t enough for someone, well, tough!

We had over 20 of the same photo frame from a well known High Street card shop for our wedding. I wouldn't have dreamt of looking down at anyone for that, I just thanked everyone for their kind gift. It was funny taking them back to the shop afterwards tho 🤣