Hosting wedding at own home

[callalillies]

Thoughts on this?
We live out in the countryside with just over an acre of land, fiancé is a chef so would want to do all the catering himself with a friend. The house is a small cottage but the nearest town, 20 mins away, has a couple of small hotels / b&bs so guests (60-70) could stay there. Seems like it would be incredibly cost effective and obvious choice but just never seen or heard of anyone I know doing this!

Friends did this in the middle of nowhere. They’re put up yurts for guests to stay in. Some guests went to b&bs - they made sure every taxi driver in the area (not many!) was available to work that night.

We stayed in one of the family yurts, a few single people / couples brought small tents - it was an amazing wedding!!

Hosting at your home is absolutely fine but I really think your fiancee should just enjoy the wedding as a groom rather than being involved in the catering.

We did this.

30 years ago this July, it was fabulous.

That's because the last thing a bride and groom want to do, is slave away in a home kitchen preparing a meal for 70 people, when they should be out with their guests having fun on their wedding day. Who will prep, cook, serve, wash up ?

When you say your guests can stay in the nearest town - have you done your research ? Are there at least 30 rooms available ? Are they all available on the date you want. You'll need a marquee with flooring, toilets, organised car parking. (And a friendly tractor owner to tug cars put of the mud if it rains)

The nearest example I can give you was a relative who catered for about 80 people at a big birthday bash - full cooked dinner, in her standard house kitchen. What on earth possessed her I have no idea. Serving dinner took an age as she had to serve in a small area. They paid local teenagers to serve. She was absolutely knackered at the end of dinner and then had to wash up. She didn't enjoy the party at all.

Have the wedding reception at home, but pay for a professional mobile kitchen service, plus a bar and a marquee, with toilets. Have you seen how much it costs to hire a marquee ? You may save a bit, but with a lot more hassle for yourselves

We did this last year - it was amazing.

Do not allow your fiance to do the catering on his own wedding day for 60-70 guests. Absolute insanity. The day goes by so quickly as it is.

I own a mobile bar and we go to these events ll the time, however they always have caterers, us for the bar, waiting staff etc.

It is completely unrealistic for the groom to cook for 60 people on his wedding day, he would need to be prepping the food from the night before early into the night then up early in the morning to continue, when would he have time to get married or speak to his guests?

Sounds lovely, @callalillies . I don't think it's particularly unusual- lots of the wedding receptions I've attended over the years were at the bride's home, including mine and my sister's.
The key thing you'll need to hire is a marquee, and you will need to pull together some waiting staff. You could hire a mobile bar and band and then need to think about loos and and parking/transport. It's also nice to have somewhere any small children can be looked after. An 'at home' reception is usually much more relaxed and low key so long as you have enough helping hands. I couldn't say if it would end up cheaper or more expensive- that might depend on your negotiation skills and network of ropeable helpers.
Congratulations and good luck!

Sorry should explain the catering more - he doesn't want to be slaving away in the kitchen as such, wants to essentially do a hog roast etc, easy outdoors cooking - he could probably get some more chef friends to help, but he does want to be 'head chef' of his own day so to speak!

I love a garden wedding! My husband is also a chef and was adamant he would do the evening food at our wedding (in a venue). I managed to persuade him not to and he said in hindsight he’s so glad he didn't have to do any catering in the end… the day goes so quickly and the few days before are busy enough without having to sort food too.

one thing to remember is get plenty of waiting staff to help serve drinks, food and clear away. One wedding we went to decided against hiring anyone for the day and the bridesmaids/groomsmen begrudgingly had to clear in and serve drinks.

Had not considered the clean-up operation, assumed we would crack on with it the second day with a mighty hangover to be honest! Definitely yes to wait staff, we know many already so they'd be willing to help at a slightly reduced cost as they are sort of friends too. It all just sounds so easy! Famous last words I'm sure

Go for it I say. Why not? We are doing exactly the same except a meal in a nice restaurant first, then back to our place.

Do it!

My family has always done this. But our family house (for several generations) is big enough to have the festivities inside if necessary, and accommodate quite a few of the family guests. It's chaos, but it's just lovely. And actually far more relaxing.

I don’t know anyone who did it at their own home. But I’ve been to several weddings held at bride or groom’s parents’ house. Fancy portaloo things, big tent in the garden for meal and dancing.

Get caterers though, the groom can’t do it!

I went to a wedding like this in July...pissed with rain all day and night and was miserable. There was a gazebo type thing but it was too small for all of us and leaked due to volume of rainwater. And we were camping. There were lots of outdoor activities planned but a total washout. I would have a plan for all weather!

Where will the ceremony be? Will it be a lot for everyone to travel for the hotel to the ceremony, to your home for the reception, then to the hotels again?

25 years ago we did it. Marquee across multiple gardens, big street party, buffet food from Tesco, hog roast in the evening with band and mobile bar.

I know people always say it but we had lots of comments saying it was the best wedding ever. The hardcore lot stayed in the marquee overnight and it became like a bit of a festival.

You don’t mention but you can’t get legally married in a field, or have a field designated as a place of marriage. Needs to be somewhere with a roof (gazebo would do) and then be open to any person wanting to get married. But nothing stopping you having a party in a field.

Sounds great!

We got married at home, and we live in a suburban 3-bed semi 😂That was just the ceremony though (Jewish ceremony, so can legally take place anywhere, and needed a different location to the party for various Jewish reasons). I had covid just before, isolated from my husband, so didn't have any time to sort out the house or beautify it - it was literally just coming downstairs in the morning and getting married in the back garden.

Totally doable, BUT...how will you feel about your new DH being stuck cooking/supervising rather than spending the afternoon with his new wife?

We considered getting married in my parents garden but once we had factored in marquee and loo hire it was more expensive than hiring a big barn.

Have you totted up the costs of;

Catering
Wait staff
Glassware
Crockery
Cutlery
Portaloos
Marquee & floor
DJ
Event insurance
?

We looked in to doing our wedding at home, but the costs were a LOT higher than I imagined, plus you are responsible for the coordination of all suppliers on the day -do you really want to be dealing with suppliers issues on the morning of your wedding?

Not to mention the issue of parking for everyone, taxis, and them getting back to their cars the morning after. It sounds great, but the logistics are harder to work out than you might think.

That being said, if you are a highly organised, laid back person, and your guests are laid back, go with the flow types, it could be done on a budget and be fantastic.

I agree though to oversee the catering and have it done by people he knows would be a good idea.

Wedding receptions in own homes are invariably lovely.

We’re doing it next year. Can’t wait tbh. It is not a cheap option, at all, but you can have exactly the things you want and the numbers you want instead of what the venue wants you to have, and to me that’s more than worth it. I’m also hiring a day-of coordinator as we will be down the road at the church when a lot of suppliers are trying to deliver.