I don’t want to drink alcohol at my Hen do’s or Wedding

[Butterfly1728]

I’m getting married this month and I’m feeling like I don’t want alcohol (gives me terrible anxiety and depression for days!).

How do I normalise that I’m not drinking alcohol without feeling pressured/judged? Not that I can control anyone’s thoughts anyway!

Do not do this. Absolutely ridiculous.

Just be honest and say I don't want to drink. It's not hard.

Just start laying off it now so by the time your wedding comes round nobody will notice ask the venue if they have non alcohol fizz for the toast if you want but I don't think anybody will care and definitely don't imply you are "late" that's a disaster waiting to happen.

If they judge then look confused.

"What do you mean?"

Like when someone makes an offensive joke. Let them explain why it's an issue.

Most responses can be covered by a shrug and "weird".

Regardless of what they say, people will only admire you for stopping drinking. It takes discipline and strength of character. We all admire that, if sometimes secretly, jealously, or resentfully.

Ah sorry, I misinterpreted your post and thought you wanted to hide your decision.

Lots of good advice particularly for people who will be reasonable and accepting of it.

For those who are three sheets to the wind, likely to be judgemental and pester you. I find that saying something like I'm pacing myself, or I don't feel like it right now, or in a bit usually placates people and avoids a tedious drunken discussion about your life choices. Then they forget entirely about you or have no recollection of the prior "maybe in a while" conversation :)

Drink non alcohol drinks. You don't have to justify yourself.

Why would you invite people to your hen or wedding who would judge?

I didn’t drink for either but in my case it was because I was pregnant, but not yet 12 weeks so not telling most people. Like you, people would have been expecting me to drink - I’m one who will happily go months without but for things like nights out or occasions I would normally always have more than a couple put it that way.

I did do a bit of subterfuge on the hen - ordered non alcoholic cocktail when I arrived before anyone else and told the waitress to please just bring me those and nothing else, when people would hand me glasses of fizz I’d hold it for a bit then pass it off. I know you don’t want to hide/ lie about not drinking but the point was nobody really noticed or cared beyond their own first drink or two.

At the wedding, we had a bit of a get together with my side the night before and I just said I didn’t want to feel rough the next day and I don’t sleep well when I drink. The day itself it just really didn’t come up - a lot of people asked if they could get me a drink and I just kept saying I was just so hot and thirsty could I please just get some water/ lemonade. Had the advantage of being true. Again - the day is such a whirlwind and hopefully everyone is just busy enjoying themselves, nobody is really bothered and I can’t image they’d stop to question you on it.

I wouldn’t necessarily make a big announcement about it - you may fancy a glass of fizz with the toasts or maybe on your hen do you decide actually you wouldn’t mind just one or two. Unless you want to tell people specifically to stop yourself? But if not that then I’d just carry on, order the soft drinks and just say ‘drinking usually makes me feel crappy for days after and I really just want to enjoy these special few weeks’ or whatever. If you get judgement or pushback (which I can’t imagine why anyone would!) you can just double down - we’ve waited a long time for this/ spent a lot of money/ got so much on in the run up and just need to focus on staying calm and enjoying it’ etc. And if they STILL push ‘why is it so important to you, please just leave it now’.

Some people might suspect youre pregnant but they can suspect what they want can’t they? You can either explain it’s not for that reason, or not - up to you.

It shouldn’t be an issue- drink what you like. I was inebriated at my hen night, but at my wedding I was mingling and dancing so much I didn’t have the chance to drink properly. Think I probably had barely touched drinks at most tables lol. You’ll easily get away with it. Not that you should have to ‘get away’ with not drinking! It’s perfectly acceptable and folk won’t notice. If they do tell them too much alcohol doesn’t agree with you. Or hint at wanting plenty of action on your wedding night so you and OH are taking it easy 😉

I was the only sober person at my wedding. 20 years ago. It was less normalised then. I just ignore the judgement. It’s never bothered me. Try mocktails. There’s only so many pints of juice o can drink!! lol. But I was the last one dancing at my wedding - on the tables!! It seems more normalised these days (possibly depending on your age).

Just say you’re not drinking! I decided not to drink much on my hen night, I had about 2 drinks then for the wedding I had one glass of champagne and that was me. I just didnt want to drink and told people no. People just to conclusions I was pregnant which was wrong but I wanted a clear head and to enjoy myself without getting carried away.

Anyone who offers to buy you a drink then make it a soft drink or a mocktail etc

On antibiotics. Abscess. No questions asked! You’re welcome :) enjoy!! X

Just ignore any judgement, its absolutely no ones business. Have to say this post made me smile remembering my own wedding day, I don't drink much and never really did but on a hot day I love an ice cold cider and our wedding was on an absolutely roasting day, I was so busy talking and mingling that I hardly got to drink at all but later on in the evening my ex followed me out to the hallway and quietly handed me a lovely cold glass of cider and just said 'take a minute for yourself', I sat in the hallway and enjoyed that drink so much, he was right I was parched from talking etc. Do what is right for you and pay no heed to anyone who has the cheek to mention it.

I love this 💕

Just tell your attendees/friends that you don’t want drink alcohol. If anyone pushes just repeat like a broken record.

There are lots of drinks/mocktails without alcohol now because more people choose not to drink for various reasons.

I hope you enjoy your celebrations.

She said she didn’t want to fabricate a story though

contact your venue and ensure you have something nice and non alcoholic. Dd1 is getting married in October her venue had several choices for her.

I woild not worry about normalising. Just doing it makes it normal.

1. if you don’t want to drink, GOOD FOR YOU! Don’t drink! It’s your day and you’ll do what you bloody well like. I don’t dare ANYONE to start remonstrating with you and demanding to know why you’re not drinking. Ever, actually! But especially on YOUR special day. It’s a great idea but to drink - you don’t want drunk eyes in your photos, you want to feel clear-headed and ‘present’ and to appreciate every single second.
2. Get some alcohol-free fizz so that you can have a glass of bubbles to sip and toast with and generally wave it around.
3. CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you have a super hen and a wonderful wedding and wish you happiness all your married life.

If anyone judges you then don't invite them, faking it suggestion is ridiculous to be perfectly honest

People are allowed not to drink, anyone who thinks different needs their head examined and yes I am a drinker

I didn’t drink much at all at my wedding, I wanted to remember every second.

I didn’t make a big deal about it - just every time someone offered me a drink, I said thanks but not right now, maybe later on. If someone handed me a drink, I said thanks is so much, held it for a bit and put it down somewhere or gave it to a friend! Easy enough to do. Had a glass or two of champagne with DH when we eventually got back to our room!

Incidentally I’m at a wedding this weekend and don’t plan to drink. They’re long tiring days without the added strain on the body of added alcohol. You’re doing the right thing for you so don’t doubt yourself!

Is it really still such a big deal? I’ve not drunk since 1997 and no-one bats an eyelid, but my friends all know and none of them are big drinkers either.
There are loads of non-alcoholic drinks on the market now. I would just say “oh I’m not drinking tonight, on a health kick” or say you need to lose a few pounds to fit into your dress. Hopefully if they’re real friends they won’t make a thing about it or tell everyone you’re pregnant!

Just tell the truth - you’re finding hangovers + the hangxiety too much lately and you really want to look back at your hen / wedding with nothing but happy memories…it’s only a couple of weeks until your wedding and you would rather keep off the booze so you are at your best.

You’re not expecting anyone else to change what they are doing and will be having just as much fun!

Or just be honest. Alcohol gives me anxiety and depression and this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and I want to enjoy it.

OP you’ve already said that you’re one of the last remaining big drinkers in the group, and that the rest of them have toned it down. So why would they judge you for doing the same?

Make sure there is a nice supply of juices and refreshing iced water and cordials.
Research some mocktails and enjoy experimenting with flavours. It is your hens do and wedding so make sure there is a wide choice.
No one notices what others drink and everyone respects when someone doesn't want to drink alcohol.