Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

Original poster

Pregnant Bridesmaid advice

11 replies

Maz45 · 29/04/2025 07:51

Hi,

one of my best friends who is a bridesmaid at my wedding has just told me she is pregnant which is such lovely and amazing news! She has told me early as she was concerned about her role in the wedding (which she didn’t have to do but I respect that she has done so). My wedding isn’t until early 2026 however, I’m thinking about her comfort at this time. She still wants to be a bridesmaid however, I’m very much aware that she will be very newly postpartum by the time the wedding rolls around and I’m not really sure how to approach this. I want her to understand that should things go smoothly and she is still feeling up to it at the time then she absolutely can still be a part of my wedding as I would love that however, my practical brain is telling me that with this being her first and her being so new to motherhood that she might be more comfortable as just a guest or even not attending as she may want to have that time with her newborn. Of course I want her to be there as she is my best friend but I want her to be comfortable and excited about her pregnancy rather than focusing on my wedding.

i have told her that we should wait until closer to the time to make any decisions as it’s so early we don’t know how she’s going to feel or how the pregnancy experience is going to be for her. Is this the right thing to do?

OP posts:

Hercisback1 · 29/04/2025 07:56

How newly post partum?

I think you roll with it. To be honest there's not much bridesmaids do unless you're bridezilla. She can turn up, walk down the aisle with you, hold her baby for the rest of the day.

DappledThings · 29/04/2025 07:58

Don't overthink it. You've done all you need to do which is make it clear she's very welcome to still be a bridesmaid or to take a step back if she doesn't feel up to it.

When is she due and when is your wedding?

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 29/04/2025 08:02

The main thing is to make it clear that the baby is invited! I’ve read a million posts on here where people want post-partum women to be comfortable without their newborns actually being allowed to be with them and it just does not work.

Keep it open, don’t be too demanding of her time, leave her dress as late as you possibly can (bodies change after pg) and just don’t turn into a bridezilla (which you don’t sound like you are doing).

Original poster

Maz45 · 29/04/2025 08:03

Hercisback1 · 29/04/2025 07:56

How newly post partum?

I think you roll with it. To be honest there's not much bridesmaids do unless you're bridezilla. She can turn up, walk down the aisle with you, hold her baby for the rest of the day.

She would be just 3-4weeks postpartum roughly.

I agree, not much they need to do other than fling a dress on and walk down the aisle with me, I’m not expecting the world of them as I know people have lives outside of my wedding.

I’m mostly thinking of it from my perspective as I already have 2 children and I struggled with PPD after both births and the last thing I wanted to do was leave my house let alone be a bridesmaid however, that’s not to say she will have the same experience!

OP posts:

Original poster

Maz45 · 29/04/2025 08:05

DappledThings · 29/04/2025 07:58

Don't overthink it. You've done all you need to do which is make it clear she's very welcome to still be a bridesmaid or to take a step back if she doesn't feel up to it.

When is she due and when is your wedding?

She’s due in January and wedding is early February.

OP posts:

Sofiewoo · 29/04/2025 08:05

If she’s told you she’s still happy to be a bridesmaid I would just leave it at that. I’m not really sure why you think you’re better placed to say what would make her more comfortable or not.
It’s really not a big deal.

HeySugarSugar · 29/04/2025 08:06

I was in the same position as the bridesmaid a fair few years ago and I decided against doing it in the end - so glad I did! My baby was 4 weeks old on the day of the wedding and I was feeling fat, still bleeding heavily and utterly exhausted. I still attended the wedding but went home early - would have hated having the stress of being a bridesmaid! I think you sound very respectful - your friend will feel able to make up her mind nearer the time 🥰

Original poster

Maz45 · 29/04/2025 08:10

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 29/04/2025 08:02

Edited

We have talked about this and I would never expect a new mother to just leave their newborn at home! She is absolutely more than welcome to bring her baby along for the day and if she wants to still walk down the aisle with me her partner will also be in attendance to hold their baby during the ceremony.

I have told her not to worry about the dresses etc and to enjoy her pregnancy as we can always find a dress closer to the time for her if she still wants to be part of the bridal party.

OP posts:

oustedbymymate · 29/04/2025 08:15

Honestly I think nearer the time she will tell you she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

If she can make it to the wedding then great. But I think no pressure on her or you is the best way.

I was supposed to be bridesmaid for my friend and wedding was 3 weeks after due date. I stepped down as bridesmaid as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I still did all the wedding prep etc but said I wasn't sure if I would make it to the day. My friend wanted me to be bridesmaid but understood.

Anyway baby was a week late and I ended up in intensive care after childbirth so needless to say I didn't make it to the wedding two weeks later

However had it had been after my second birth (which was a dream in comparison!) I totally could have made it.

You just don't know how it's going to go!

Original poster

Maz45 · 29/04/2025 08:36

Sofiewoo · 29/04/2025 08:05

I don’t think this is a big deal in terms of my wedding, I’m so happy and excited for her. I’m not better placed nor do I think I am however, as a friend I want her to do what makes her the most comfortable and I am actively thinking about her comfortability during her pregnancy and postpartum as I care about her and don’t want her to feel pressured in any sense just because I’m getting married. I’m not going to cry and scream if she told me she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid as I have been through pregnancy and postpartum myself and understand how difficult it can be for some women. I want to accommodate her the best I can.

when I was pregnant, I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid or be part of a wedding party so the whole premise of this post is for advice as I have never had to experience this myself and want to make sure I am doing the right things to accommodate someone who is very special to me.

OP posts:

SJM1988 · 29/04/2025 08:42

I wouldn't overthink it. You may be letting our own experiences cloud your thinking, which we all rightly do. If she is happy to continue, then let go with it if you are happy.

You say you aren't expecting much of your bridesmaids so I think its perfect to just go with the flow and see what happens. She could have a simple early birth or a late complicated birth, no one knows.

I went to a wedding (not bridesmaid so slightly different) 3 weeks post birth. Baby not invited (no animosity there and we are still great friends). I was tired but I still enjoyed the day. Could I have been bridesmaid - yes I felt fine.

Flip