Is there something wrong with me or my relationship?

[BeeE32]

Hi all,
First time doing this, but I'm feeling a bit alone and in need of a community. I'm getting married in 5 weeks. Im in a same sex relationship, and we have a 3.5 year old son. Weve been together 10 years. I'm anxious by nature, and I've recently started going to councelling to address this. We've been engaged for 4 years and it was me who was pushing for the wedding. Now it's approaching, all I feel is dread. I'm scared and nervous about every aspect, the ceremony, large amounts of people, the venue, the food, am I marrying the right person? I can't get excited at all and I feel angry with people constantly saying "oh not long now, how exciting!". My partner is very chilled. She doesn't worry, or get flustered amd in all honesty, I dont think to this day she understands my anxiety. What's wrong with me? Aren't weddings meant to be "the best day of you life"? I'm meant to feel at the peak of our relationship and now ten years in.. we're just comfortable..and realistic and not niave to what a relationship entails so no, Im not all head over heels anymore. I'm exhausted with working full time on opposite shifts to my partner, juggling childcare between us and trying to maintain a "wedding worthy" relationship. Did anyone else have these worries about the day? Did you manage to enjoy it? How can I just relax and try to enjoy it? Are we doomed from the start? How do I not ruin the day for my partner?

TIA, an overthinker.

Why did you want to get married?

What kind of a wedding did you want to have?

Tbh I think it’s quite common to have a minor freak out like this before a wedding. My guess is that you guys will have a good time on the day. There will be a lot of good will and you will relax into it.

I love my partner and I want us to be there for each other. I always love the idea of my "wife". A team..and something solid and traditional for our son. Yes he has two mums, but they're married and love each other. I think when your faced with the idea of "forever" all the little things that aren't perfect in your relationship are under a microscope and I'm overthinking.

Originally it was only going to be a registry office and meal situation. It's grown slightly to venue with a bbq and music. Still very informal and not traditional.

I think this is a reasonable consideration. No-one knows how they are going to feel in ten years time and there is always a leap of faith involved in any marriage. But it sounds like you do want to be married to her so that’s the key thing.

Me and my husband had only been together a year and I had an ‘oh shit what if it’s too soon moment’, worrying that we hadn’t been through anything serious together. Our son changed that by showing up 10 weeks before his due date and here we are nearly 13 years later lol.

it’s normal to worry when you’re making a commitment like that as I think most people only intend on doing it once, even if it doesn’t always work out that way.

Your wedding sounds lovely and informal, and I’m sure you will enjoy it. If your partner is the more relaxed one let her do the mingling etc lol. Do you feel like you can talk to her about how you’re feeling?

That sounds lovely. It could be the stress of your relationship being ‘on show’ in front of all the guests, and that’s ok.

just remember to focus on your wife on the day, if you two have a good time, everyone else will have a good time.

Here’s the question to ask yourself. If you weren’t getting married, would you want to break up with her? If so do it. If not, just ignore the cold feet, get married, and remember divorce is a pretty common tradition too so you’re not really stuck forever.