Elopement as parents have died

[TeaChocKitKat]

After lots of conversations about what we want our wedding to look like, who we invite etc., we are thinking about eloping and not inviting anyone. Both of my partners parents have died, my dad has died and we find the idea of a traditional wedding with the rest of our family and friends there but not them, just too painful. Has anyone in this group eloped abroad? We are thinking of italy but open to ideas. Any tips? Any recommendations for good packages? Thanks :)

I think getting married without your mum there would be incredibly hurtful for her

I didn't ask about hurting my mum but about the practicalities of eloping and was hoping for some sensible replies.

My mum has severe dementia and hardly knows what day it is. If we got married in the uk, not only would three of our parents not be there, someone else would have to be my mums carer for the day and she'd hardly understand what was going on. It would not be hurtful to her if we married without her there.

Getting married in the UK without three parents (and with a very confused fourth parent) would highlight our loss, lack of parents, my mums change in personality and capability and be incredibly hurtful to us.

Sorry to be blunt but our lack of parents is incredibly painful and we are trying to find a way to have a wedding day where we can both be happy rather incredibly sad with an just highlight our grief.

If anyone has any tips on elopements particularly to Italy, I'd appreciate them

I am sure Google could be you friend here. I expect you would have to contact Italian authorities to arrange a wedding. You might have to have a civil ceremony before a church one (if you wanted a church) You may have to travel first to get a licence or something.
I don't actually know, just a few thought that came into my head.

I understand. Both of dp parents have died asnd it's a part of the reason we've never got married, it just doesn't feel right without them there (for now).

There are specialist elopment wedding planners who will help you plan it. There are also photographers who specialise in elopements. Do you have a place in mind? I'd love to get married by the side of a loch. There's a woman on tiktok called Necole who eloped in Glen Coe and she explains how she did and how much it cost.

Thanks for the supportive comments. The loss of my dad is still very raw and dealing with my mums dementia (which has got significantly worse since he died) has been very difficult.

My partner lost both of his parents a long time ago. Wed both love a traditional wedding with all four parents there but as that's not possible, we want to find an alternative way to get married. It's not about offending anyone but how we can have a nice day and not feel those losses as much.

We have talked about italy, possibly sorrento or further down rhe amalfi coast as possible locations as we had our first holiday near there and always said we'd like to go back one day.

A very quick Google suggests a local wedding planner is the best way to do it so grateful for any recommendations

ignore @Bigearringsbigsmile it was clear from your OP that there was a reason you didn’t mention it. People who have perfect lives can’t see beyond their own sometimes.
I think going abroad to get married sounds wonderful. Even if you had one healthy parent in the U.K. , they would understand you going abroad then. No parent is heart broken at not being in a wedding and would understand and want the best for their child, it’s about the child not them. Sad yes, but understanding and wanting the best for them.
no advice about Italy but have an amazing elopement

Hi OP. No advice but just wanted to say I completely understand. My dad died before I was engaged and the thought of a traditional wedding without him was heartbreaking. I would have loved to do what you're suggesting (but couldn't because of other family dynamics), it sounds lovely and intimate and romantic. It will be difficult without your parents and they'll be in your minds regardless but I think this way, you're managing the situation the best you can and without feeling confronted by their absence on an otherwise beautiful day. Wishing you all the best. Italy would be gorgeous so hopefully you find somewhere perfect.

I know someone in Montana who only hosts/performs elopements/micro weddings. Absolutely stunning setting by the lake, and she makes it a real experience

We eloped, in the UK, it was the best decision ever. No drama, very relaxing. We contacted a destination that arrange everything, we had to register where we live and then just get there. They did everything else.

Thanks. I thought i was going to have a little cry when I woke up to @Bigearringsbigsmile's post this morning.

I know this is mumsnet and there's always one but even so!

Its obviously really painful that we are trying to do this without our parents. Planning a wedding should be happy but I couldn't even talk about it without crying about how much I miss my Dad and wanted him to walk me down the aisle until we decided to elope.

So thank you to you (and all of the other supportive posters).

Than you x

Thanks. We are thinking of sorrento or the amalfi coast as our first holiday together was near there and we always said we wanted to go back one day.

Check the legalities as I think there is something about one person being from Italy to get legally married there. We are looking at elopement for the very same reason - there are some groups on Facebook if you have an account and do a search - they tend to be dominated by photographers advertising which has put me off a bit but you do get some real stories and lots of helpful hints.

good luck with your planning - I hope your day is very special whatever you decide to do!

All the best with it @TeaChocKitKat and I hope you have a gorgeous wedding.

No advice either, but I do understand. Was in a not too dissimilar position. Hugs. Do what is right for you both and have a wonderful day.

We wanted to elope to Crear in the highlands and it was beautiful. The other place we looked at was the Scarlet in Cornwall. Just in case Italy doesn’t work for some reason (we didn’t consider abroad).

Good luck. Your wedding - you definitely should do you.

I don’t have any advice, but Sorrento would be such a lovely place for a wedding! Whatever you plan and wherever you have it, I hope you have a fantastic day 😊

I can't relate to an elopement but we had a UK registry office wedding as my mum died when I was 21, my husbands dad died the same time, and my Dad was terminally ill when we got married 10 years later so I would have hated a big wedding without parents there so I really understand that element of it.
Could you just have a UK registry office wedding, just you two and then jet straight off to a wonderful holiday already being married. Would take some of the arrangement "faff" out of getting married abroad

If you both feel that's the most likely way you can enjoy your wedding day then go for it I would say! I'm not sure on the practically side of it being abroad but it is "your day" so make it as wonderful to you both as you can.

I'm in a similar parent situation as you (dementia truly is one of the worse things I think) and if I was the marrying type I can only really picture my partner and the siblings we get along with there. So I totally understand why a traditional wedding may cause pain for you both.

Have you considered getting married on a cruise? You could do a cruise round the med that includes Italy, and on a sea day, the captain performs ceremonies. It would take a lot of the logistics out of getting married in Italy this way. You get your honeymoon as well on the cruise so win win.

Yes, it’s understandable that you would want to get away. Italy sounds very romantic.

You deserve to create lovely memories.

My cousin and his fiancée eloped for similar reasons to Hawaii, if your budget allows. They loved it. Or perhaps a Caribbean island?

My daughter got married in Sorrento a few years ago. It was in the open air cloister (forget the name of it) and was stunning. I do recall that Sorrento was the only place non catholics could get married in Italy. Otherwise as others have mentioned you may need to do a civil ceremony beforehand in uK. She did have a local wedding planner organise it for her.

I think it sounds perfect .
I'm sure a travel agent could guide you on wedding planning abroad.
My wedding became much bigger than i intended and my grandparent was brought to it from their care home along with a carer, my mother planned it.
I was 'distracted ' with them being and worried about it and to be quite frank relieved when they were taken back , i loved them very much but the whole thing was stressful, so don't feel any guilt at all.
Plan your special day exactly how you both want it and enjoy every minute.

Can’t help with any practical advice but just wanted to say that I think it’s a great idea. You want your wedding day to be a happy and special occasion and if it would feel to painful to have a ‘traditional’ type wedding, I say, go for it. Find somewhere beautiful and enjoy every moment.

I got married on a Caribbean island quite a few years ago and we just had to be resident for a specific amount of days before the ceremony could take place. You do need to have specific documentation in place from a solicitor stating you are free to marry and a few other things but this did not cause too much hassle/cost.

I worked with several people who got married in Italy a similar time to me and they said it was the same process I went through.

I booked everything through the travel agent which turned out to be a good plan as our original destination became a no-travel zone so the wedding had to be changed completely which was dealt with by the agents.