Cancelling wedding

Purplepancakes · 2025-04-14T06:07:51+00:00

I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks. I've been getting jitters and having some sort of existence crisis for the last few weeks. They aren't going away. I am unhappy with my dress choice. Bought it when we were just beginning to plan, as a low key dress. Didn't go dress shopping ordered online and loved it, but now I'm not sure. The weddings become more and I feel like I've compromised with my dress choice and it's to late now. Didn't book hair and make up for day, as again it was supposed to be low key. Now I feel its become a bigger thing. I just want to disappear and make it all go away. I hate being centre of attention and have no idea why I agreed to this! Should have just eloped. I feel like an old bride in my 40s when all I see is young 20 somethings.Not sure why I'm posting just need to get it out as it's not an easy thing to talk about. I've told my partner, he's very understanding and patient and I have no issues with him, it's me. If the wedding could go ahead without me, that would be great!

DustyLee123 · 14/04/2025 07:09

Do you not want to get married, or is it just the dress/hair/make up?

BigHeadBertha · 14/04/2025 07:10

Why not cancel it and go ahead and elope, then?

Or are you saying that is what you plan to do?

AliBaliBee1234 · 14/04/2025 07:14

I was exactly the same! Mine wasn't low key but hated the dress, worried about everything and what people would think. It's normal and my only advice to you is please don't let it ruin your plans if you want to be married to this man. That is all that matters!

Being uncomfortable in my dress did ruin my day a bit but other than that i had such an amazing time. Would you feel better if you tried another option or looked to see if any hairdresser or makeup artist is free? They totally don't need to be bridal specialists, you could go to a salon in the morning. I had to do my own makeup due to covid and liked it mucy better! I was grateful to have my hair done though.

Your age is nothing to worry about, I see lots of women in their 40's have beautiful weddings. The average age for a woman is actually 33 :)

Original poster

Purplepancakes · 14/04/2025 07:16

I am struggling to figure out what my issues are because I've got myself so worked up that I can't think straight. I'm running out of time. I do want to get married and everything is planned and people are invited. Its going to be small. I'm just disappointed and stressed about how I will look, I should have lost weight, booked hair and make up and spend longer choosing a dress. It would have been far easier to elope.

OP posts:

fiorentina · 14/04/2025 07:32

Can you afford to go to the high street and just buy a dress you love or an outfit that makes you feel amazing? It doesn’t have to be a bridal dress? And then go to a make up counter - maybe Bobbi Brown and they will help you with a make up lesson and some key products for your day. Still time too for a haircut and colour if needed. Be yourself, dress as you would for a nice evening out and look at it less as a wedding but a celebration?

Sorry if I’m missing the mark but if you want to go ahead then these are my suggestions

AliBaliBee1234 · 14/04/2025 07:32

Purplepancakes · 14/04/2025 07:16

I am struggling to figure out what my issues are because I've got myself so worked up that I can't think straight. I'm running out of time. I do want to get married and everything is planned and people are invited. Its going to be small. I'm just disappointed and stressed about how I will look, I should have lost weight, booked hair and make up and spend longer choosing a dress. It would have been far easier to elope.

I felt exactly the same way! I am just very insecure about the way I look and all eyes being on me made me extremely anxious.

I was upset the whole morning that I didn't look how I wanted. Now I look back at photos and think, wow I actually looked so much better than I thought.

Don't make my mistake and let it ruin your day. Buy yourself some lovely hair and make up products and have a practise with them beforehand.

RareGoalsVerge · 14/04/2025 07:37

If it's about hair/dress/makeup/being centre of attention then talk to your beloved, elope to Gretna Green and get married same time same day. It's getting married that counts, not the wedding day.

If you are using worries about hair/dress/makeup/being centre of attention as a proxy for hiding from yourself the fact that you don't actually want to marry him then do not marry him

Livingbytheocean · 14/04/2025 07:38

It sounds like it’s the dress and the way you look. You still have time!! Go to a bridal shop today and try on everything that can be available immediately or altered easily and find something special. I guarantee you can find someone to do your hair and make up if you ring around. An a line dress will work wonders or one with a bodice.

You have time to salvage this.
Cancel the next few days and do what you need to do to feel special.

Livingbytheocean · 14/04/2025 07:41

Despite modern day pressures, a wedding is not about Instagram and the bride, but about you marrying the love of your life, and making a commitment to spend the rest of your life with him. Don’t marry him unless you feel that way.

Sandylittleknees · 14/04/2025 07:43

You want to be married, that’s the key thing. What makes a wedding fun is everyone having a nice time and the memorable bit is making your vows - you’ll have all your favourite people with you, all wishing you well. So my tip: avoid all wedding websites, insta, magazines and focus on making it fun for your guests (ie: good food and drink, not too much hanging round). These are the key ingredients, and will distract you from focusing on how you look.

Do you normally wear lots of make up? If not I wouldn’t have it ‘done’, you won’t feel or look yourself. But buy some new lipstick. Get a great haircut rather than an up do? Look on the high street. You don’t have to wear a traditional dress if you don’t want and you don’t have to wear white.

Travellingraspberry · 14/04/2025 07:43

It's not too late to get things sorted, why don't you ring round some hairdressers today and see if you can get booked in to have your hair done the morning of the wedding?

A make up counter visit is also a great idea, maybe take a friend or relative with you and they can help do your make up on the day. My friend did my make up with stuff we bought from a make up counter and looked lovely.

It sounds like you do want to get married so please don't let it ruin your day. I was very nervous about being center of attention but remember everyone is there for you, they're people you know and are there to give you their love and support on your special day

Original poster

Purplepancakes · 14/04/2025 07:44

4 months ago I was clear and happy with my choices. Less than 3 weeks to go and I am questioning everything.

I've been to make up counter and got a load of make up to do it myself. Have my hair booked in the week of the wedding, just not the day. I like my dress when it's on, then spend the rest of the time fretting. I don't even know if I got another dress that I wouldn't feel the same, it's me! Ivd been thinking of going shopping to try on dresses.

I went through a messy divorce to an abusive man, spent years healing on my own and have now met someone who's completely different and is the love of my life. So there is a part of me wondering why I'm getting married again having gone through all of that.

OP posts:

Sandylittleknees · 14/04/2025 07:45

your guests aren’t there to judge you, they are their to support you with love.

And they’ll all be worrying about their own clothes anyway! Except the men, lucky buggers!

Cognacsoft · 14/04/2025 07:46

@Purplepancakes when I got married, a long time ago, other than a trip to the hairdresser on the morning I did everything else myself with my sisters. I’m not good at makeup and I’m certainly not stylish but I looked far better than a friend whose makeup artist tangoed her.

If you like your dress and you’re happy to be marrying your fiancé then you will look beautiful because all brides do.
Don’t worry about photographs and weight. I can’t remember the last time I looked at my wedding photos.
Your fiancé is the only other person that matters on the day, if he’s a good man then your wedding day will be brilliant.

FortyElephants · 14/04/2025 07:47

Book a hair and makeup appointment, mine was about £150 in a high st salon (not fancy bridal!) and if you don't like the dress order a few options from somewhere with free returns, try them on at home and see what feels more you. Buy some good scaffolding underwear to help you feel more confident. And have a lovely day!

roses2 · 14/04/2025 07:47

Buy a second hand dress from ebay

Book a normal hair appointment,don't say it's for a wedding

These are two small things that can easily be solved

MissBPotter · 14/04/2025 07:58

I agree you should find a makeup artist and hair dresser for the day, I’m sure if you dedicate a couple of hours to phoning around you’ll manage! Are there any accessories you could add to make the dress more special? Sounds like you want to get married but are having a wobble about age and looks. I find that barely anyone getting married is in their 20s these days and late 30s/40s is way more normal. Treat yourself to a cut and colour, maybe get nails or eyebrows or whatever might give you a boost and find your confidence!

TimeForABreak4 · 14/04/2025 08:03

I chose my dress and in the last couple of weeks I started freaking out thinking it was the wrong choice and looking for another. I went ahead and now looking back, it wasnt it was just nerves. You can likely book hair and make up now, it's not too late. Forget all the external noise in your head and focus on what's important, do you want to marry your partner because that's all that matters at the end of the day, becoming his wife. The rest is just a party. It's the rest of the marriage thats important, that's just one day..

Your friends and family know what you look like and love you already, they don't expect you to walk in like a Holywood A lister they are there to see you both get married and start your married life together. It just sounds like a case of serious prewedding nerves.

CloudSquirrel · 14/04/2025 08:17

Tell us about the man you are marrying OP - you said he is the love of your life, it might help you to articulate why and get some perspective on what you are telling us you are worrying about. Imagine you knew someone else who was marrying someone fabulous and then wanted to call it off because they are worried about the dress and makeup. Your guests are going because they love you - not because they are scouting for the next cover of Vogue.

user1492757084 · 17/04/2025 11:43

Take one trusted friend and buy another dress.

Book hair and make up, and for your MOH if you have one..
You need some female support.
It's okay to have a pamper day. You need to allow yourself to relax and feel great.

If you find another dress that you love, you can sell the old one.

Look into hiring a dress.

jolies1 · 17/04/2025 11:58

I got married 6 months postpartum and wasn’t happy with my dress / how I looked, I was still breastfeeding, hadn’t had time to really sort my hair in the run up etc. The one thing I would have changed is to buy an outfit for the evening, it sounds a bit extra but would have felt much more comfortable in a suit / jumpsuit / less “bridal” dress. Is this an option?

MrsKeats · 17/04/2025 12:26

You can still find a salon to do your hair.
You could get a make up person in a department store to do your make up.
Get a different dress off the peg.

pikkumyy77 · 17/04/2025 12:28

Purplepancakes · 14/04/2025 07:16

I am struggling to figure out what my issues are because I've got myself so worked up that I can't think straight. I'm running out of time. I do want to get married and everything is planned and people are invited. Its going to be small. I'm just disappointed and stressed about how I will look, I should have lost weight, booked hair and make up and spend longer choosing a dress. It would have been far easier to elope.

Book hair and makeup now. Get a better bouquet. Have a friend over to hold your hand. You are feeling crazily insecure so maybe a tweak will help.