Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Do I have to have a hen do?

23 replies

NK5dcb6781X120111a0db9 · 31/03/2025 07:14

I’m getting married next year (2nd marriage). My friends are all quite spread out across the UK, I dont have a “gang of girls” and many of my friends don’t know each other. I feel like I am fed up of hen dos but will seem a bit sad if I don’t have one. But if I keep it really light it seems a bit much to ask friends to travel across the country for eg an afternoon tea. I don’t fancy a big night out. Any ideas? It is stressing me out more than the wedding!

OP posts:
MamaAndTheSofa · 31/03/2025 07:20

Just don’t have one. They’re not compulsory!

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 07:21

So you’re no spring chicken Op and this is your second wedding
so surely, surely you know you don’t “have” to do anything
and certainly not a hen do

LillyPJ · 31/03/2025 07:21

Don't have one at all. Or travel round and see your friends in turn. It's your wedding. Just do whatever you like.

BlondiePortz · 31/03/2025 07:22

I never had one never wanted one

Manchesterbythesea · 31/03/2025 07:22

I didn’t have one and didn’t feel I or anyone else missed out. I was older getting married and I had 4 young kids so it just didn’t really suit. I also didn’t have a big group of friends and no sisters. Going by threads on here hen dos are very often an expensive pain in the face so I’d say the lack of one is only a relief to a lot of people.

user1492757084 · 09/04/2025 08:58

Don't have one.
On the evening before your wedding, after the church rehearsal, invite a two or three extra friends to dinner with you to the rehearsal dinner. That is one way to touch base before the big day.

Shirtless · 09/04/2025 09:12

Just don’t have one. I didn’t. Lots of people I know who, like me, have moved around a lot internationally, and have very scattered friends either didn’t have one, or just had something very low-key for local friends. A few of us had lunch and took boats out on the Avon for one, and for another went paintball ing in the New Forest.

Gall10 · 09/04/2025 09:16

MamaAndTheSofa · 31/03/2025 07:20

Just don’t have one. They’re not compulsory!

This! And your friends will be forever grateful!

Aligirlbear · 09/04/2025 11:37

Just don’t. Lots of people ( me included) don’t bother with one. My friends are / were scattered across the UK and internationally so it would have been expensive for everyone as it would have meant overnight stays - not to mention trying to agree a date most could make ! As others have said your friends will probably be forever grateful that you don’t have one as a significant number of people hate going on a hen do but feel obligated to go.

WinterFoxes · 09/04/2025 11:40

Just have a quiet drink or spa day a week before with a couple of local friends or relatives.
I enjoyed my hen more than my wedding but it was very low cost and low key.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 09/04/2025 11:42

There was a rule saying you have to have a hen do but it was European legislation. Since Brexit it no longer applies so you aren't legally obligated to have one.

BlondiePortz · 09/04/2025 11:46

Why would you have to have one?

BigDahliaFan · 09/04/2025 11:47

I met up with 3 of my spread out friends in the middle of where we all lived for a weekend. It was nice but tbh could have done without it (we had all been on holiday together previously - weekends away etc).

What we did do, which was lovely, was have a bit of an open house the night before the wedding so that people who had travelled from far away could meet up and have a chat and meet other people who would be at the wedding - we got a buffet delivered. It was deliberately styled as not a great big piss up (and most of our mates are fairly sensible) so as not to have them all hungover at the wedding.

MummytoaMiracle01 · 26/04/2025 10:38

I didn't have the 'typical' hen do . My Nan passed away a few weeks ago so it didn't feel right . I went for a quiet meal with 3 of my bridesmaids . Now today I'm having a meal and few cocktails with my mum and sister. Get married in 2 weeks . It's suited me better this way as I never wanted a massive wild weekend/day out

Cynic17 · 26/04/2025 10:39

No! They always sound grim. Also a very new idea - nobody in my age group had a hen do, including me.

angelinawasrobbed · 26/04/2025 10:42

I didn’t.

ByDearBear · 26/04/2025 10:44

I didn’t have a hen do. There are no rules. This is your wedding and you can have, or not have, whatever makes you and your partner happy 😊

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 26/04/2025 11:03

user1492757084 · 09/04/2025 08:58

Don't have one.
On the evening before your wedding, after the church rehearsal, invite a two or three extra friends to dinner with you to the rehearsal dinner. That is one way to touch base before the big day.

Is a ‘rehearsal dinner’ a normal thing now ?

JenniferAnistonForReals · 26/04/2025 11:06

I often think that if I get married again, I’ll do things so differently to the first time. And definitely no hen do!

CiaoMeow · 26/04/2025 11:16

Don't have one if you don't want one, OP.

Smokesandeats · 26/04/2025 11:19

You don’t have to have a hen do. My DH and I didn’t want stag or hen parties so we didn’t have them. A few weeks before our wedding, I went out for a quiet early evening Chinese meal with three local friends. We were all home by 9pm!

Philandbill · 26/04/2025 11:22

You absolutely don't have to have one. If a friend contacts you to ask you could always see if they want to come over to spend the day with you and you could go out for a meal etc.
Lots of people may be relieved not to have to spend the money on a hen do.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/04/2025 11:31

user1492757084 · 09/04/2025 08:58

Don't have one.
On the evening before your wedding, after the church rehearsal, invite a two or three extra friends to dinner with you to the rehearsal dinner. That is one way to touch base before the big day.

What the hell is a rehearsal dinner? We don’t have those in the U.K., the only place I’ve seen it is on Friends. . Is this some new thing dreamed up by the U.K. wedding and hospitality industry in order to make even more money?

and you’ve assumed it’s a church wedding…

there are so many assumptions about the “accepted” way to do a wedding, it’s no wonder brides to be like OP get anxious.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread