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Original poster

Engagement

25 replies

amyf01 · 15/03/2025 19:37

Myself and partner are together 5 years. We have always talked about getting engaged this year as the timing is right. We have a child together, house, car etc. His brother got engaged last month after being with his partner a year and half. We absolutely wouldn’t want to be taking any spotlight off them but we already know when we want to get married so we need to be getting engaged shortly. Thoughts please?

OP posts:
londongirl12 · 15/03/2025 20:19

You can still get engaged whenever you want. If you’re planning it, the whole surprise thing doesn’t matter anyway. Or wait a couple of weeks, that should be enough time if they did it last month.

DenholmElliot11 · 15/03/2025 20:22

Aww, don't steal their thunder.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/03/2025 20:23

You can get engaged whenever you like.

Anyone worrying about thunder being stolen is a baby who needs to grow up.

cait967 · 15/03/2025 20:24

i mean don’t arrange your weddings in the same month but besides that no thunder is being stolen

RosesAndHellebores · 15/03/2025 20:34

Surely the principal commitment was having a baby. The marriage is just making arrangements equal at this pass. Why do you need the frills?

Cynic17 · 15/03/2025 20:39

If you've decided to get married,then you are already engaged, OP.

dialfor · 15/03/2025 20:50

Cynic17 · 15/03/2025 20:39

If you've decided to get married,then you are already engaged, OP.

This. Engagement is the time between deciding to get married and getting married.

Original poster
amyf01 · 15/03/2025 20:51

If you are to be engaged would you not need to be proposed to first?

OP posts:
NarnianQueen · 15/03/2025 20:54

Could you start planning bits of the wedding now but announce your engagement a bit later? If you’ve been together for years it is going to look odd that you waited until the month another family member announces their engagement to announce yours.

hopesforsummer · 15/03/2025 20:55

RosesAndHellebores · 15/03/2025 20:34

Surely the principal commitment was having a baby. The marriage is just making arrangements equal at this pass. Why do you need the frills?

Because most people still want them

DappledThings · 15/03/2025 20:55

amyf01 · 15/03/2025 20:51

If you are to be engaged would you not need to be proposed to first?

No. A proposal is just an agreement to get married. You've already done that. Being engaged just means you've agreed to get married. It has no formal or legal status that requires a fancy event to activate it.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/03/2025 20:56

hopesforsummer · 15/03/2025 20:55

Because most people still want them

Show quote history

Maybe so, but it's like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

blueIKEAbag · 15/03/2025 20:57

It’s totally fine for you and your DP to decide to get married, therefore you are engaged! You can buy a ring together if you want to of course. There doesn’t need to be a proposal as such.

Don’t let him put you off getting married though, since you already have the child, house etc.

hopesforsummer · 15/03/2025 20:57

RosesAndHellebores · 15/03/2025 20:56

Maybe so, but it's like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

Show quote history

I think that’s a very outdated view

Chilliflakesontuna · 15/03/2025 21:00

hopesforsummer · 15/03/2025 20:57

I think that’s a very outdated view

Show quote history

You're right in what you say - it is an outdated view. But I'm afraid I do agree with it still like @RosesAndHellebores (I'll get my hard hat) 😬

tarheelbaby · 15/03/2025 21:03

Do you read threads on MN? If so you'll know: get engaged now and marry ASAP, especially if you have a child and own property with a man.

It's not popular socially but from a legal point of view the MN readers/commenters are correct. Do not delay!

fisherhatesgravel72 · 15/03/2025 21:04

amyf01 · 15/03/2025 20:51

If you are to be engaged would you not need to be proposed to first?

But you’ve already decided you want to get married? Do you want him to actually ask you whilst holding a ring, knowing what the answer will be?

Shetlands · 15/03/2025 21:13

If you know you're going to be married then you're already engaged aren't you? Your DP already knows you're going to marry him so perhaps he doesn't feel he needs to propose.

You can just tell everyone when the wedding will be (a save the date thing).

Jk987 · 15/03/2025 21:52

tarheelbaby · 15/03/2025 21:03

Do you read threads on MN? If so you'll know: get engaged now and marry ASAP, especially if you have a child and own property with a man.

It's not popular socially but from a legal point of view the MN readers/commenters are correct. Do not delay!

Unless OP has more assets and more to lose if the relationship doesn't work out...

Original poster
amyf01 · 15/03/2025 21:53

It’s nothing to do with assets. Thats not what I asked.

OP posts:
festivemouse · 15/03/2025 22:26

They’ve been engaged for a while already - if you did it the same week it might raise eyebrows, but it was last month - it’s old news now!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/03/2025 07:29

amyf01 · 15/03/2025 20:51

If you are to be engaged would you not need to be proposed to first?

No, you don't need to wait for a man to propose to you.

If you've already decided to get married then what do you think being engaged means?

If you think you won't be engaged until after your partner proposes, then I'm not sure why you're posting on Mumsnet about the timing because the timing will be whenever he decides you are getting engaged.

ShinyClouds · 16/03/2025 07:32

I don’t think you need to be engaged at all! If you know when you want to get married then book that and invite people

Maviaz · 16/03/2025 07:53

If you already have plans to marry then you are engaged. It’s “engaged to be married”
You've done the proposal bit.

We agreed between us we’d get married in the coming year, then we announced we were engaged and would be getting married in June, all in one announcement.
In your situation I’d do similar, just announce “We are getting married and the wedding will be in X”
It doesn’t sound like you want a lengthy engagement anyway.

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 16/03/2025 08:27

amyf01 · 15/03/2025 20:51

If you are to be engaged would you not need to be proposed to first?

No. Getting engaged is agreeing to get married. You've agreed to get married so you're engaged.

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