Bridesmaid dilemma

Bride2025 · 2025-03-04T20:51:42+00:00

Hi everyone this is my first post but I’m just looking for some advice really. I get married in June and one of my bridesmaids has just found out she’s pregnant which isn’t an issue as her dress is flowy and will have room for a bump. My problem I’m having is she has said she was doing my wedding hair from the day I got engaged, we have been best friends from being toddlers. This is her second pregnancy and her first one wasn’t the smoothest and I am so worried if she will be ill and I’ll be stuck on day. I have tried to politely say it’s ok if she can’t do it but she is adamant she will be fine but yeah I’m basically wanting to put my mind at ease and get a different hairdresser in so she can relax as well but she’s so adamant she will be ok. Could I please get some advice how to get her to step down from doing hair on the day without offended her? 😩. Apologies for the rambling on!

BreadInCaptivity · 05/03/2025 01:00

I would say I've booked a hairdresser for us both as a treat on the day so we can spend the time together relaxing.

That you want to spend that special part of the day with her getting ready and for both of you to enjoy it without any responsibilities apart from having a lovely time.

3LemonsAndLime · 05/03/2025 01:01

I think it’s a non-issue, but if I felt like you did I’d send a text or (probably better) say something like this. In breezey tones to push it through -

Hi Samantha,
I’m so excited for your second pregnancy, you are an amazing Mum, and this little one will be lucky to have you. I’m also so happy you are being part of my big day, as my oldest friend I want you by my side! I know being pregnant is a lot - you are growing a whole tiny human! - and I’m so grateful you’ll be there on the day, as I know, being pregnant, it’s that bit more tiring for you than other guests.

But I’ve been thinking - I want you to enjoy the day and be with me, let me be a good friend and do that, and let me book someone else for hair on the day. Then I’m at peace knowing you are there, but I am not over exerting you or the little one. As a wedding gift to me - will you set my mind at ease and let me do this? Love you, @Bride2025

paranoiaofpufflings · 05/03/2025 01:05

"I have tried to politely say it’s ok if she can’t do it but she is adamant she will be fine"

Instead of politely tiptoeing around the issue, summon your inner strength. This is YOUR wedding, your special day, you don't want to be worrying about whether or not your hair will get done. Speak up for what you want!

Hi friend, you were unwell during your last pregnancy and neither of us know whether that will happen this time. As it's my wedding day and I want to minimise any potential issues in advance I'm going to book a hairdresser for the day. That way I don't need to worry about my hair and you can enjoy being a bridesmaid.

user1492757084 · 19/03/2025 09:19

Tell her you will book someone else and ask her opinion as to who that is.

OVienna · 22/03/2025 13:21

Can you not see how things are going and wide nearer the time?

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 22/03/2025 13:26

I would book another hairdresser and just not tell her then on the day if she’s feeling ok, cancel the other hairdresser but would make sure I paid them the full cost rather than just losing a deposit.

FaerieGodmother · 22/03/2025 13:29

3LemonsAndLime · 05/03/2025 01:01

I think it’s a non-issue, but if I felt like you did I’d send a text or (probably better) say something like this. In breezey tones to push it through -

Hi Samantha,
I’m so excited for your second pregnancy, you are an amazing Mum, and this little one will be lucky to have you. I’m also so happy you are being part of my big day, as my oldest friend I want you by my side! I know being pregnant is a lot - you are growing a whole tiny human! - and I’m so grateful you’ll be there on the day, as I know, being pregnant, it’s that bit more tiring for you than other guests.

But I’ve been thinking - I want you to enjoy the day and be with me, let me be a good friend and do that, and let me book someone else for hair on the day. Then I’m at peace knowing you are there, but I am not over exerting you or the little one. As a wedding gift to me - will you set my mind at ease and let me do this? Love you, @Bride2025

Please don't do this. She will see straight through all the "you're an amazing mum and little one will be so lucky to have you" stuff.

Just be direct. She's your friend. I'm sure she'll get it

CountryQueen · 22/03/2025 14:32

3LemonsAndLime · 05/03/2025 01:01

I think it’s a non-issue, but if I felt like you did I’d send a text or (probably better) say something like this. In breezey tones to push it through -

Hi Samantha,
I’m so excited for your second pregnancy, you are an amazing Mum, and this little one will be lucky to have you. I’m also so happy you are being part of my big day, as my oldest friend I want you by my side! I know being pregnant is a lot - you are growing a whole tiny human! - and I’m so grateful you’ll be there on the day, as I know, being pregnant, it’s that bit more tiring for you than other guests.

But I’ve been thinking - I want you to enjoy the day and be with me, let me be a good friend and do that, and let me book someone else for hair on the day. Then I’m at peace knowing you are there, but I am not over exerting you or the little one. As a wedding gift to me - will you set my mind at ease and let me do this? Love you, @Bride2025

Barf 🤮 this is awful. Definitely don’t send that. Just tell her you’re worried she’ll have morning sickness so to avoid worrying about it you’ve booked a hairdresser.

MayaKovskaya · 22/03/2025 14:36

FaerieGodmother · 22/03/2025 13:29

Please don't do this. She will see straight through all the "you're an amazing mum and little one will be so lucky to have you" stuff.

Just be direct. She's your friend. I'm sure she'll get it

Show quote history

Quite. It's so over the top, no-one speaks like that, so she'll know it's not genuine.

MayaKovskaya · 22/03/2025 14:38

You've been friends since toddlers? Talk to her honestly. Not syrupy nonsense, not lying, just the truth. You're just worried she won't be well and you'll be stuck without a hairdresser on your wedding day.

Whitelight25 · 22/03/2025 14:44

3LemonsAndLime · 05/03/2025 01:01

I think it’s a non-issue, but if I felt like you did I’d send a text or (probably better) say something like this. In breezey tones to push it through -

Hi Samantha,
I’m so excited for your second pregnancy, you are an amazing Mum, and this little one will be lucky to have you. I’m also so happy you are being part of my big day, as my oldest friend I want you by my side! I know being pregnant is a lot - you are growing a whole tiny human! - and I’m so grateful you’ll be there on the day, as I know, being pregnant, it’s that bit more tiring for you than other guests.

But I’ve been thinking - I want you to enjoy the day and be with me, let me be a good friend and do that, and let me book someone else for hair on the day. Then I’m at peace knowing you are there, but I am not over exerting you or the little one. As a wedding gift to me - will you set my mind at ease and let me do this? Love you, @Bride2025

Why the need to butter her up? I would hate to get a message like that.
The point is that you’re worried she’ll be out of action on the day. Either tell her you are too nervous about her being taken ill or don’t tell her but book a substitute and if your friend is well enough, gift the professional hairdo to a relative, or cancel it

ChinaChina · 22/03/2025 15:19

Book a hairdresser for you or you or both of you tell her it’s because you don’t want her to wear herself out on the day.

FeistyFrankie · 22/03/2025 15:27

Does she really need to know in advance? I'd just book a hairdresser and then either casually mention it nearer the time or something

Gravytanned · 22/03/2025 18:24

OVienna · 22/03/2025 13:21

Can you not see how things are going and wide nearer the time?

The good ones will all be booked up.

it’s already late to be booking a June wedding. My friend does make up and her saturdays are pretty full.

Overthinking22 · 22/03/2025 19:05

She’s your bridesmaid so you should be able to be honest with her. Thank her for the offer and be honest that’s it’s making you a bit anxious with the possibility of no one available to do your hair and you want be relaxed in the run up and have everything finalised. If she can do your hair for the hen could be a compromise.