How to fill the gaps

[T12344]

Hi,

My fiancé and I are newly engaged and starting to plan our wedding.

I’m looking to hear from those with similar circumstances or even anyone that can offer some inspiration.

To give some background, I was raised by my grandmother who has passed away, my parents struggle with substance misuse and I don’t have a relationship with them (they won’t be at the wedding). My fiancé has an estranged relationship with his father, and his mother struggles with alcoholism (his mother and father also despise each other).

I’m looking for some advice regarding how to fill the gaps at our wedding when it comes to walking me down the aisle, father, daughter dance, speeches, top table etc.

We have two daughters who by the time we get married will be around 8 & 10 years old.

I Suppose these are my own insecurities, I have never been to a wedding that hasn’t had any of the above.

any advice welcome, tia
X

I think you just do you.

I am super close with my dad, and whilst he walked me down the aisle, we didn't have a specific dad/daughter dance. We did dance together, but we would do that at any wedding.

Lots of people have a sweetheart table at their wedding, so just the bride and groom. You could add your kids if you wanted. We had a long top table with (super) long tables stretching out). Mostly filled with friends close by us, as that was going to be most relaxing for us.

You don't need to have speeches, but if you'd like to, then perhaps ask your Maid of Honour, or another close friend to do something, depending on who enjoys public speaking? Or what about playing a video made in advance, where people offer you advice (could be heartfelt / practical / funny) for a successful married life. One of my friends gave a great bride's speech.

We'd planned to do formal cake cutting, but in the end were having such a good time we didn't want to stop for it. So didn't.

Have a great time with the planning, and congratulations!!

This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you so much ☺️

You're welcome. Whatever makes it the best day for both of you is the right thing.

Walk down the aisle with your daughters? Or all 4 of you walk together? You don't have to walk separately.

Have a buffet meal instead of tables? Then you can all move around and chat to all your guests.

So many options. Don't let 'tradition' put you off enjoying your day.

I think all of you walking down the aisle together would be so beautiful! You’ve created your own family and that’s the most important thing. I hadn’t been to many weddings when I had and I’m grateful for it as I didn’t know a lot of things I was ‘supposed’ to do. We sat with friends not family for the meal.

You don't need anyone to walk you down the aisle - you are a mature, independent woman. So either walk alone, or with your future husband.
Being "given away" is also incredibly outdated.

I have never heard of/seen a father & daughter dance, so forget that.

Speeches are also much less rigid these days. If you want someone to propose a toast, why not a really good, close friend (male or female).

Don't fall for all the old stereotypes, OP, and it will be just fine.

Your wedding can be whatever makes you happy and comfortable. Walk down the aisle with your children or with your partner or just don't have an ailse. Have long tables or round tables rather than a "top" table. Anything stiff or formal that doesn't feel right can be discarded. No need for a first dance either. Just a favourite song with friends . Have a brilliant day x

You can do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Some people have weddings later in the day then you don't have the big gap between the ceremony and the evening. Have a buffet, hog roast if you don't want formal sitting arrangements. It's your day. No one has to do a speech. You could just thank everyone for coming.

Were getting married in June. I dont know my dad, my FH dad is dead and we have nothing to do with the rest of his family apart from my steo children. We have 3 children together.

My step children will be with my FH and my children will be walking down the aisle with me. I'm 42 years old I dont need to be given away 😉

Do whatever suits you and your partner!
I walked found the aisle by myself, my DH and I sat at a sweetheart table so just the two of us, or you could have your children sat with you.
We only had 3 speeches, best man, my sister who was an unofficial bridesmaid and us.
I didn't do a father/bride dance, its not a thing where I'm from, but my DH did one with his mum. Our wedding wasn't overly formal/tradition, it reflected our life.

I was walked down the aisle by my mum, and we had a sweetheart table. You can pick as many or as little of the traditions as you like! We almost didn’t do a first dance, but did in the end. But no dad daughter dance or anything like that. We kept it fairly low key and everyone had a great time!

^ agree. Our dad has passed away, brothers/uncles/cousins fill in

Tbh things that seem noticeable to you aren’t to the guests. Just enjoy the day: congratulations