Anyone have a private ceremony then a big party?

[Needmynailsdone]

We are thinking of just having a very small ceremony (us, parents, kids) then inviting people for a big party in the evening. But we have family that would be travelling approx 2 hours for the party and it feels a bit mean we wouldn’t be giving them a proper sit down dinner. Am I overthinking it?

if you did something similar, what did you do / what did you feed people / how did you make the party feel like a wedding / what am I missing in the planning of it?

we are doing this due to budget basically. Just interested to hear peoples perspectives.

I wouldn't mind about not having a sit down meal - quite understand the costs, but, if (say) my niece got married, I would feel sad I wasn't invited to the ceremony, as that is the most important part of the day.

I know loads will pile in and say it's down to the B&G, which, obviously it is. But OP has asked for people's perspectives.

I agree with the previous poster. I'd be sad not to see the actual wedding which is the whole point of the celebration. However I'd respect your wishes and attend the party if I was close enough. I don't think I'd travel 2 hours to attend just the party though and nor would I expect guests to do so.

Oh hi, we did something like this. Most of our friends are local to us (London), for family and friends that were further afield most of them chose to come and make a weekend of staying in London.

Umm, we did do a good buffet and a free bar all night (the venue was free if we covered the bar bill) so it wasn’t super cheap but certainly a lot less than average wedding costs these days.

we are in our 50s with a teen and really it was just an admin thing to get hitched (just had a civil ceremony) but we really enjoyed the party. Neither of us had been married before but we weren’t bothered about a big do.

Could you legally marry the day before with minimal invitees, then have a party/reception the following day starting mid afternoon?

Umm, we did do a good buffet and a free bar all night (the venue was free if we covered the bar bill) so it wasn’t super cheap but certainly a lot less than average wedding costs these days.

I'm really surprised paying the entire bar bill for the whole night was cheaper than having a standard wedding. You must have had very restrained guests.

Not quite the same as you, but we went abroad for the ceremony and there were just five of us in total. We had a big party when we got back, and it was great.

We did this. Very small ceremony at registry office, just us and immediate family and best men and bridesmaids and their partners. We're not religious.

We then did a reception at a gastro pub from 5pm onwards with dinner, drinks and dancing. It was a budgetary decision for us as we still did the dinner and very free flowing bar. Everyone came that we invited.

In retrospect there were maybe a few more closer friends we missed at the ceremony but if we invited one from a group it was all and we wanted to focus on the party.

Yeah I understand this. Tbh there’s a bit of urgency to the situation in that I’ve been with my partner for 15 years, we have 2 kids, but only recently got engaged. I’m 32 - we were childhood sweethearts. We have also just bought a house and I just feel like we should probably get married sooner rather than later. We’ve had a bit of sad news and I’m feeling really aware that anything could happen, and that we should probably get married. So I’m maybe letting this cloud my decision a bit

Did you tell the pub it was for a wedding?? I feel like as soon as I say it’s a wedding everything gets 3,00000% more expensive!

Lovely! Did you wear your dress again or do speeches or anything at the party?

My friends did this. They told us all they were having a hog roast to celebrate their 10 year anniversary (of being together) and when we all arrived they were wearing wedding dress/suit and we were there for the Reception. It was fabulous!

We did this, although more people at the ceremony than you. About 20 for ceremony and sit down lunch, then evening do for about 70. I wouldn't change it. We tried to make the evening do a bit more than some - decent buffet, drink on arrival, toast, left the cake cutting until then. All in the same hotel venue, as they had different sized rooms we could use. Would have done a restaurant in day if hadn't found that. It was a great evening and people still say how much they enjoyed it - felt like people were really up for a dance and fun rather than tired from a long day.

Most guests local but a few travelled. I did worry a bit about that but then remembered that I'd travelled for evening parties for at least two of them (their ceremonies hasn't been same day - one married abroad, but I don't see what difference that makes). And i hadn't minded at all because I wanted to see people and ultimately if someone invited me to a birthday party I wouldn't think it has to be more than an evening, so why does it being a wedding make it less worthwhile? Most had relatives or friends in the area to combine with visiting, or my parents had those related to me over the next day. I totally understood people who didn't come though.

We did it as a wedding package (it was as much an introvert thing as much as a cost thing) but I do know a couple of people who just booked private rooms in restaurants for a 'family occasion ' for their weddings as a cost thing. I also remember one of the brides saying she was a wedding guests to the hairdresser!

One tip I would give is to make it clear what you are doing as soon as you tell anyone about the wedding so they don't get the wrong idea about what they'll be invited to.

I wore my dress again but no speeches. My dad is no longer with us and so we decided not to. We had the photos from the ceremony up around the room, welcome drinks, a cake, a hot buffet and a disco. We brought wedding favours back with us (traditional Turkish delight) and just had a great night.

Friend did. They had immediate family (parents and siblings) at registry office then held a big party with music, snacks and lots of drinks in the function room of a really nice bar which was decorated with flowers. Was different to a normal wedding feel, very relaxed, bride wore a wedding dress, but not a huge one, were some speeches and toasts and dancing.

Yes!! We got married at 11am (registry office) with immediate family, followed by a slap up lunch. Then big party after, from 4. We used a local (but v nice) street food type vendor who set up a van outside servicing food from 6ish until 10pm which worked perfectly as all 100 guests weren't rushing to eat at once.

Does having the guests at the actual wedding increase the price?
The ceremony is the best part.

Can you film the ceremony and replay it at the party, or use a church orpark that is local to the party venue?

A buffet, finger food and a party all sounds great. Make sure there is enough food. And a couple of speeches and great music. Congratulations.

Not exactly the same but me and DH got married in Vegas last year then came back and had a big party for everyone - family travelled 5+ hours and some from abroad for the party and honestly no one seemed to mind!

Not exactly the same but we eloped and then had a party 6 weeks later ( would have been sooner but covid rules were still in place) everyone was great about it.

Sounds lovely! How did you word the invite to make sure everyone knew what they were attending?

A relative of mine did this, the bride had lost her dad the year before and she couldn’t face a big wedding without him there to walk her down the aisle. It was just immediate family at a lovely registry office (about 20 people) for the ceremony then a party for 150!

We were going to do this, but didn't in the end due to Covid. But the plan was always get married near DP's family so that frail parents could attend, then have a big party on a different day closer to home. We did make the party a bit more weddingy than it sounds like you're planning, though - hired a hall and a band, had a caterer lined up and planned speeches. We thought our local friends would be fine with a normal party, but relatives would be travelling from quite a long way away and staying over, so might be reluctant to do that for 'just' a party, especially if the ceremony had already happened elsewhere.

It wasn't super-expensive though - we didn't have a huge guest list, and decided to put most of our money into food, drink and music. We didn't really care about dresses, rings etc. and we did have professional lighting but the rest of the decoration was going to be a bit home-made. The community hall was also a LOT cheaper than other venues we looked at and we had friends lined up to help with cleaning up afterwards.

We made two separate invites, each with an order of the day on. One for immediate family starting with the ceremony and one for everyone else. We worded party invite as "to celebrate the marriage of..."

We started the party welcome drinks, speeches then opened the bar which worked well.

To be honest because it was immediate family only at the ceremony we didn't have anyone feigning confusion at what they were invited to. Might be a bit different if you did want a mix of friends and family but for us the most awkward situation we had was one relative where their partner wasn't invited to the ceremony, and we purposefully gave them separate invitations, which they claimed not to have realised the week before. Easily sorted though...

My friend did this, it was great. I went to the ceremony though there was about 8 of us then a party at home.

My cousin did the same.

At the end of the day if you are transparent about what’s happening people can decide if they want to come or not. Just make sure the party is easily accessible and not in the middle of nowhere with no hotels or public transport!

We had a registry office wedding with immediate family only on a Friday. Party at local village hall the following afternoon with caterer doing a barbecue for everyone. It was lovely, really relaxed.
There was never going to be a big formal do and no-one had a problem with it.