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Being hassled about accommodation 18 months before the wedding

9 replies

Opheliaaffrighted · 15/01/2025 17:36

Son and his fiancée announced their engagement a fortnight before Christmas. They have booked their wedding for June 2026. They have found a gorgeous venue and booked all the extra stuff including on site accommodation. They have offered us a cottage on site. It is extremely expensive and sleeps 8. I have asked my son if he and his best man need us to take it so they have somewhere to sleep the night before the wedding or if they need somewhere to dress on the morning of the wedding in which case we’ll take it OF COURSE. But if they don’t appear to need us on site (some people take no notice of the old ritual of not seeing each other on the night before and on the day of the wedding), I think we will wait to book accommodation until we know what my other adult offspring are doing. And once my sister and brother and their entourage are invited I will be able to coordinate with them too. Obviously invitations haven’t yet gone out. Do you think I should just take the price gouging sleeps 8 cottage for 2 or 3 of us? Or do you think it’s reasonable for me to book a hotel beside the church where the marriage ceremony will take place? Along with other members of my family, adult offspring and my siblings and their adult children. For reference, the 4* hotel will be less than 25% of the cost of the expensive price gouging cottage. My husband is teetotal so the short drive, approx 10 mins, to and from the venue is no problem at all.

From what I can gather, the on site accommodation will be almost entirely occupied by the bride’s family and bridesmaids. When I mentioned to the bride to be that I would need to make a hair appointment at a local salon for 9am on the morning of the wedding, in the little town near the church, she told me the bridal party has hair and make up booked and I was welcome to tag along. I think they’d prefer it to be the bridal party only. We get along, I like her very much but we aren’t close.

What should I do in this circumstance?

It’s going to be a long 18 months.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 15/01/2025 17:54

Just tell your son what you’re currently thinking about accommodation and work it out from there.

user1492757084 · 16/01/2025 04:49

Book all the Hotel rooms. It's reasonable and will fit all your family. You would hate to miss out on that and you can cancel some a few months out if need be..
Decide about the cottage later.

Hair. Book in the small town, for yourself and any of your close family who also would like their hair done. I would leave the wedding party to themselves but make sure you assist your relatives..
The bride will probably want you to be included in the official button hole and flower corsage order.

Ponderingwindow · 16/01/2025 04:57

They want to allocate the cottage. As the parents of the groom, it makes sense that you would be given priority. If you would prefer a hotel, just book a hotel and let them offer the cottage to someone else.

notatinydancer · 16/01/2025 05:21

If the cottage sleeps 8 , can't you share it with other family?
Seems a bit space just for you and your husband.

Opheliaaffrighted · 16/01/2025 09:58

Thank you all for your responses. Very useful.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 16/01/2025 12:45

Just say the hotel would be better and then the cottage is free for someone else.

MN2025 · 16/01/2025 20:23

Opheliaaffrighted · 15/01/2025 17:36

Son and his fiancée announced their engagement a fortnight before Christmas. They have booked their wedding for June 2026. They have found a gorgeous venue and booked all the extra stuff including on site accommodation. They have offered us a cottage on site. It is extremely expensive and sleeps 8. I have asked my son if he and his best man need us to take it so they have somewhere to sleep the night before the wedding or if they need somewhere to dress on the morning of the wedding in which case we’ll take it OF COURSE. But if they don’t appear to need us on site (some people take no notice of the old ritual of not seeing each other on the night before and on the day of the wedding), I think we will wait to book accommodation until we know what my other adult offspring are doing. And once my sister and brother and their entourage are invited I will be able to coordinate with them too. Obviously invitations haven’t yet gone out. Do you think I should just take the price gouging sleeps 8 cottage for 2 or 3 of us? Or do you think it’s reasonable for me to book a hotel beside the church where the marriage ceremony will take place? Along with other members of my family, adult offspring and my siblings and their adult children. For reference, the 4* hotel will be less than 25% of the cost of the expensive price gouging cottage. My husband is teetotal so the short drive, approx 10 mins, to and from the venue is no problem at all.

From what I can gather, the on site accommodation will be almost entirely occupied by the bride’s family and bridesmaids. When I mentioned to the bride to be that I would need to make a hair appointment at a local salon for 9am on the morning of the wedding, in the little town near the church, she told me the bridal party has hair and make up booked and I was welcome to tag along. I think they’d prefer it to be the bridal party only. We get along, I like her very much but we aren’t close.

What should I do in this circumstance?

It’s going to be a long 18 months.

Have only read OP’s first post and none other so apologise if this has already been mentioned but, could you not have the 8 bed cottage for you and your other adult offspring etc and split the costs?
You’ll be on site and won’t have to worry about having to shuttle between a hotel and the venue.

Seems a bit of a snidey response from your FDIL though - you’re welcome but not welcome, she should have mentioned this to you before you raised it with her.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/01/2025 21:31

I'd book up the hotel. You're not obliged to subsidize the wedding by paying for the Cottage. It is presumably part of the "package".

Your son and his fiance will find it easier if you make a decision as they can plan accordingly. You will have more space at the hotel to see your side of the family post wedding.

Opheliaaffrighted · 18/01/2025 10:19

I have politely declined both the accommodation and tagging along for the bridal party’s hair and make-up on the morning of the wedding.

OP posts:
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