How to say no thanks to wedding gifts but happy to receive donations to honeymoon

[NoMoreLimbo]

OH and I are getting married later this year. Some of the guests will need to travel to the wedding. We will not have a wedding gift list as, we do not want people to feel obliged to have to give something when they have already travelled, we also do not need another toaster, photo frame or candle stick.

However, some people will still give (having already asked) and as we will pretty much be on a 0 after the wedding we wanted to say that if, and only if, someone wanted to give something then put it towards a honeymoon (destnation not picked and which at this stage looks like a far fetched dream happening in 2028). Not having been to a wedding of late but hearing from my younger friends this is fairly usual these days. How do people go about putting that on their wedding information? We will have an invite and an insert with details of location, if accomodation is needed etc etc. So, I thought it could go on the insert but what to write and what do one do re bank details/paypal etc. I feel all of it looks a bit in your face but no idea how to do it otherwise (we are not having a wedding website or anything like that).

Yes, i hated the idea of doing this but we already lived together, had an established home and didnt need 5 gravy boats and a silver platter. So we wrote something about it being enough of a gift to have the presence of people to share and celebrate our special day with. But if they did feel they wanted to, vouchers or money towards future experiences would be gratefully received.

Could you create a quick graphic to include with invitations for buy a mile instead of buy a brick? With one of the poems available online to say you don't need another toaster but if anyone wants to help you buy a mile you'd appreciate it.

Multiple weddings over the last decade have used the buy a brick in my circle as they were all saving for house deposits or had just bought their joint house.

We put no information on our invitations, most people gave money, had a few photo frames but no duplicates. Some older relatives asked if we had a gift list and we said that no gifts were required, if they pushed we said some money towards a honeymoon would be appreciated.

We just asked for no gifts. A handful of people by choice gave us money or champagne. We didn’t need to specify.

Either say nothing and then if anyone asks you about a gift list, you can say what you said above. In my experience a lot of people will give you money and you've not asked for it, which no matter how tactfully put, is still a request for money at the end of the day

Honestly, no one is going to buy you a toaster.. don’t put anything just leave it for people to make their own decisions - people will either ask or go with cash/voucher

Both my sons didn't want gifts for the weddings. They put on the invitation that they are lucky to already have a home together and are not asking for gifts. If you insist on a gift, we are saving towards our honeymoon. Or something to that effect.

I would have a very usual wedding invitation and near the RSVP details I would print. No gifts by request.

Many guests wish to bring a card and some include cash so have a secure, locked box for them to be posted into near some lovely flowers on a table.

My friends who have done this included a good to know sheet with helpful info like local hotels and taxi numbers and a short note that said we have been living together for years and have everything we need but if you’d like to contribute to the honeymoon with a website link.

Honestly I’m happy to give vouchers for the garden or contribute to the honeymoon type gift. I am mid forties. I’ve found my parents generation are a bit sniffy about it.

Please don't use a poem.

I’d go with something like this as well.

I wouldn’t go with one of the poems- they feel a bit patronising to me as a guest. If you know me well enough to invite me to your wedding you can ask me plainly for cash instead of crap.

We didn’t ask for cash-only for our wedding, but most people did anyway. I was surprised though at how many people bought us household stuff when they knew we’d been living together. We were grateful, but we didn’t need multiple sets of whiskey tumblers or crystal photo frames.

My honest honest option is to not put any suggestion of asking for money. People will likely gift money or vouchers now anyway.

If worded carefully then I wouldn’t have a problem with this but we had an invitation that said that the honeymoon was costing them a fortune and donations of £50 - £100 would be suggested!
Personally I would just say no gifts please as we have everything we need.

This ⬆️

I think the trouble is that some people are embarrassed to give money in case the amount is judged. A gift is different.

Just put "no gifts required".

If someone then gets in touch and asks you can say you would love a honeymoon contribution.

Just say no gifts. Most people will give some money. (A shedload if you're in Ireland, according to these threads!)

Absolute grabby crass cheek.

I’ve been to weddings of people who live together who had traditional gift lists. There weren’t toasters on them, but nice versions of things that would be meaningful as from their wedding - bedding, crockery etc.

I’ve also been to ‘no gifts please’ weddings. I gather they typically get nice wine, cash, or vouchers for nice meals or stays away, if people want to give something.

We had a ‘no gifts please’ wedding and we got no gifts nor money/vouchers. I honestly didn’t expect anything, but if you’re after honeymoon donations I’d ask explicitly on the invites or you might not get anything at all.

Even if this was a second wedding I can't imagine the rudeness of turning up as a guest without any type of gift.

This seems to be an issue on mumsnet but in real life (I’m early 30s for context) it seems normal for couples to say no need for gifts, and if people would like to give a gift they’d love something towards their honeymoon. I’m more than happy to give money towards my loved ones having a trip to trip they’ll enjoy, and it’s easier for guests when something is indicated rather than having to think of/buy a gift they might not like.