5 years no proposal

[maclen]

Hello... My BF has been married twice before. I've never married. We've been together 5 years now and he always said he would marry me tomorrow if I wanted to but we've never really sat down and discussed marriage. My friends were all convinced he was going to ask me and even some told me he had mentioned it... however I asked him recently why he hadn't asked yet (during a drunken argument oops) and he said as we're not getting on currently he wouldn't ask yet but he still sees us being together forever..

In my head I'm thinking well it's been 5 years and we've only just started to argue this year and when you know you know right? What's he waiting for....

Is marriage the be all and end all? It's never been a must thing to do but now I feel it's a show of commitment more than anything and I don't think I want to just be someone's GF forever?...

Anyone else waited?

If commitment and marriage is important to you then you need to spell that out
being a partner brings no legal ties which can be difficult re assets; medical wishes etc
how old are you?
do you want kids?
big difference if you’re 29 or 39

when you say you’re not getting on what does that mean? Sounds like marriage is a carrot he’s dangling to keep you intrested
if he wanted to marry you tomorrow he would have
time to make some big decisions - take control

We're mid 40's and have kids from previous relationships. Have a mortgage and lived together for 3 years... he has a lot of debt from before we met so to be fair he can't afford a marriage and he did use that as an excuse for not buying me an engagement ring. Maybe people do need to spell it out

What are you waiting for? You could ask him couldn’t you?

I don’t blame him for not proposing if you aren’t getting on currently, but it sounds like you haven’t really had any meaningful type of conversation about it before?

But as I say, you can ask him! My last proposal (don’t mean to make it sound like a million, it was the third guy) we basically ended up saying it to one another at the same time - only he had bought a ring, so it was his proposal officially!

Marriage is a social and financial contract as well as an emotional one.

If he has a lot of debt is it financially in your interest to marry him?

Look at the whole picture from an economic point of view as well as a romantic one first, and if it’s still something you want, have a rational sit down conversation to plan it. Just like you would if you were planning to take out a mortgage and buy a house together.

Don’t marry him if he’s got debts. That makes no sense.

You can still get stuff like Power of Attorney in place if you want.

Why are there so many posts ‘waiting for him to propose’?
It’s 2024….not 1924 or 1824
Ask him…if he says ok, then get the registry office booked. There’s no need to dress as a born again, get her clobber on & get the registrar booked.
If he says no….get him out the door & look for someone more suitable.

I know it's not romantic but risk yours and your children's financial stability by marrying a man with debts.

We're financially tied already with a mortgage.. he's paying back the debts but doesn't have any disposable income to go halves on a wedding or buy a ring. I could pay for my own but if I asked him I'd feel like he would feel pressured...

This man does not want to marry you.

So, your choices are this. Ask him. Leave.

Well the question is do you want a marriage or a wedding? You can do the first very cheaply and it is what matters, the latter is a celebration which is nice but can cost a few bob. I can appreciate thought that if you’ve not done it before that you probably want to make it an occasion. If I ever married again I would elope!

If you want a wedding ceremony with all the trimmings of a big day - ring, dress, guests, food, dancing - it sounds like you’ll have to pay for it and in which case, just make a mutual plan with your partner to organise it together, rather than waiting indefinitely and putting the onus on him to make it happen by going down on one knee.

Forget about a romantic unprompted proposal from him - tbh this is a bit of a myth anyway and especially at an older age - and just make a calm rational mutual plan. For a marriage as well as the party.