Postpone or cancel wedding?

[ThatPeachRaven]

Hello
I apologise in advance for the gloomy message but need some advice!

I have been with my partner for 10 years almost, this year we were meant to get married but due to not getting on we postponed until next June, moving all the suppliers with us.

The problem is my partner and I are still not getting on :( I love him dearly, however its been very stressful recently when he has been in and out of jobs. I have done my best to support him but it's so hard when he is let go from another job and comes home, having massive meltdowns (he's awaiting an autism assessment). I then spend lots of time looking for suitable jobs for him which of course I don't mind doing but sometimes I get resentful and panick being 38 with no idea of the future which is making me very unsettled!

My question is: has anyone postponed their wedding more than once? It's in June and don't want to pay full costs if we were to cancel or would it be better to cancel the whole thing?

Any advice would be appreciated and apologies again for the moaning!

cancelling a wedding would be much cheaper than a divorce later. If you’re unwilling to financially support him (understandable) don’t enter into a legal contract to tie your finances.

Yeah walk away now; I had one of these fellas and they never change.

Life shouldn't be this difficult. Don't marry him. And you'd probably be less stressed if you spilt up.

Why on earth would you want to marry him? Cancel for good while you can and give everybody plenty of notice.

Then get away as fast as you can

I'm so sorry that you're still not getting on.

Personally I would take the financial hit of cancelling the suppliers than marrying him and then losing half of your pension.

I think the ASD thing is pretty irrelevant. You aren't getting on and that usually only gets worse with time.

I don't often say this but I think it's time to LTB. It sounds as though your relationship has run its course

How are you tonight @ThatPeachRaven?

Have you made a decision yet?

Hi there, I had to make a tough decision this year of cancelling my wedding and ending the relationship. Well, I say tough, I think it was toxic and that he was emotionally abusive. But it was still such a scary decision to make. I found myself looking down the two paths; the ‘known’ which was assuming he would never change and spending more of my life living on eggshells, or the ‘unknown’ which was becoming single in my mid thirties and not knowing how my life will pan out.

i guess in this situation, it’s kind of choosing your hard. The comfort of the ‘known’, or the fear but opportunities that come with the ‘unknown’

If you need to chat to someone, I’m happy to listen, if lived experience (to an extent) helps you, OP.

I married this man, even down to the autism assessment. I was 22 and he was 10 years older.
It was an impossible marriage, particularly once we had children. The pressure on me to carry the financial load was horrible. I had to go back to work when my first child was 4 months old because he’d lost another job.
Our divorce was very difficult and expensive.

I’d cancel the wedding personally as a divorce could cost you more money in the long term.
As you’ve been together for 10 years, why are you wanting to get married? Is it just a chance to prop up a failed relationship?
I’d suggest looking at why marriage is now on the cards, what do you think a legal piece of paper will add to your relationship, and do a list of pros and cons of getting married versus living together or optionally separating.