I had lots of advise on MN about my Daughters upcoming wedding and having to face my Ex and his family after years of DV. He had made lots of demands ..he would not "share a bench" with me. He would not tolerate me at breakfast the next morning ( I was not allowed to stay at the venue the night after) my best friend was not allowed under his order to attend! etc etc. His wife had a meltdown about my being there and the stress running up to the day was unbearable....but
I made no demands, reminded everyone it was their day and their rules and I would do whatever they wanted, and I did.
I had a wonderful pre wedding night with my girls and the bridesmaid.
I took a Diazepam and walked down the aisle with my head held high and forward without a second glance at him or his family! At the after ceremony mingle I approached his family members like nothing ever happened, made polite conversation, only a couple of his friends snubbed my approach.
The only time I almost wobbled was during his speech that was mostly nonsense and failed to acknowledge that the bride even had a mother and just praised people who had treated the happy couple in appalling ways. But I sat, I stayed, I even enjoyed it. My daughters were appreciative of how I handled myself.
Looking back I realize that often the thought of what may happen is often worse than the reality. I had gone through every terrible scenario, I had replayed the years of abuse, reliving them again at the thought of contact with him. Then seeing him I felt nothing, no fear, I even eventually approached him and shook his hand.....he made no eye contact and walked away from me saying "that is not necessary". It was for me, it felt empowering. I guess I saw how pathetic he was and is.
Thank you for supporting and reading.
I hope this helps others in a similar situation.