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Destination wedding

15 replies

weddingguest07 · 14/09/2024 01:11

I've been invited to a wedding abroad, I've thought it through and I think I would like to go.
It's in a country I've never visited so the plan is to make a holiday out of it. It's a Greek island.
I have been sent a link to the hotel and it's a luxury resort. The cost PP is £2500 for 2 weeks AI. After discussion with DH we decided as nice as the place is we would rather save our money and stay elsewhere so we can go out exploring etc for the rest of the holiday. Possibly staying in the hotel the night of the wedding depending on where we decide to stay on the island and also if we can book a room for one night. We both get bored sitting at a pool all day too and like to try different restaurants etc when we go away.
I mentioned this to the bride and said we would love to be at the wedding but will pass on the hotel. This led to her saying well if you're not staying in the hotel then it's £150pp for a day pass so that will have to be paid (this allows access to all the facilities -which won't be getting used, access to all restaurants/bars and AI drinks).
Now I do understand this but surely the b&g should be paying this for guests that decide to stay elsewhere especially if people have made the effort to travel to a destination wedding? Her argument is if it was a UK wedding then we would have to pay for drinks/cabs/possibly hotel rooms etc and asking guests to pay the day passes is just the same. My argument is £300 per couple is a lot of money to be expected to pay to attend the wedding. Also in the UK people can decide on a budget and not have it dictated to them. I have heard through the grapevine too that there are limited day passes.
AIBU to think the b&g should be paying this for guests who decide to stay elsewhere ? Is this even a thing? DH wonders if they are trying to get people to stay so they get a discount.

OP posts:
Waiting4Autumm · 14/09/2024 01:15

Well thinking about my own experience

I had a destination wedding, again Greek islands, we said everyone stay where you like and provided example hotels with a range of budgets and on our actual wedding day a mini bus collected people from a central location. Took them to the venue then on to a resturant where we paid for food and drinks and back to hotel or the central location which did include a taxi rank if people choose to stay miles away

I wad a guest at a wedding In Cyprus

All guests stayed in hotels In the same resort so walking or short taxi to hotel we paid for own taxi

Wedding day food and drinks all paid by bride and groom

Taxi back to our hotel carried on the holiday

In summary the bride should be paying the day cost for the guests

Ponderingwindow · 14/09/2024 02:10

point out to the bride and groom you are already paying travel costs much higher than you would for a local wedding.

they definitely should cover the cost of the day passes. This just illustrates how destination weddings are a way to pass the cost of the wedding to the guest. The reason the wedding is so cheap is because it is covered by the guests resort bill.

weddingguest07 · 14/09/2024 16:44

Thanks both of you agree that the bride should be paying for day guests,exactly what I was thinking.

I mention it to the bride again and if she's still saying we have to pay to be there then think we'll give the wedding a miss

OP posts:
PoppysAunt · 14/09/2024 16:47

Bin the wedding. Just have a nice holiday.

OtterOnAPlane · 14/09/2024 16:56

That monumentally rude of them. I'm all for destination weddings when no one is pressured to attend, but asking people to pay to do so it awful.

Dartmoorcheffy · 14/09/2024 16:59

Have you contacted the hotel to explain that you are just a guest at the wedding and won't be using any of the AI facilities?

MumChp · 14/09/2024 17:00

I wouldn't pay plane, hotel, £300 extra, a gift and spend annual leave for a wedding abroad.
No way.

Send a card & gift and book a nice holiday.

Awrite · 14/09/2024 17:04

Pass on this one op.

If they wanted you there, they wouldn't be charging you £300 to attend

On top of flights and accommodation is cheeky fucker behaviour.

pinkfleece · 14/09/2024 17:06

She's getting the wedding cheap on the basis that the guests stay in the hotel. I'd just say no.

jazzyBBBB · 14/09/2024 17:14

So basically she just wants people to stay at the same hotel as her and eat the all inclusive buffet? Nice.

PoppysAunt · 14/09/2024 17:17

pinkfleece · 14/09/2024 17:06

She's getting the wedding cheap on the basis that the guests stay in the hotel. I'd just say no.

You're right. The guests are paying for the wedding.

CheeseWisely · 14/09/2024 17:22

Good for you for not laughing in her face when she mentioned the £150 each, I think I would have.

Sack the wedding and have a lovely holiday elsewhere OP. I strongly suspect you won't be the only invited guests to do so.

CorvusPurpureus · 14/09/2024 17:35

I think it's fine if it's understood that your room booking/day booking is the reason she's getting a cheap wedding, so it's in lieu of a gift.

I was invited to a destination wedding recently where the b&g were totally upfront that they'd booked a boutique hotel, & needed to fill a dozen rooms for a week for the package they had agreed...they filled them with ease, because it was actually a pretty good deal for a holiday!

The dates didn't work for me, or I would have happily joined them.

I suspect in this scenario, & at a rather stiff £2500pp, she's struggling to hold up her end of the bargain.

BarbaraHoward · 14/09/2024 17:39

YANBU at all.

We had a destination wedding, and spent far more per guest than we would have done at home precisely because they were so generous in using their time and money to come in the first place.

Agree that the guests staying in the hotel are subsidising the wedding here.

Personally I wouldn't bother, and getting into a row about the costs is a bit awkward even though you're right.

MiscellaneousSupportHuman · 20/09/2024 18:33

Presumably, the happy couple are bearing down on their costs by having all guests staying in the resort or having day passes, thus covering the food and drink bill. They'll just have to cough up for exclusive use of an area, any additional serving staff, special request food above/beyond what's included on AI rates and decoration.

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