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Family ruined my wedding

18 replies

GeorgieW38 · 27/08/2024 00:44

Hi everyone, this is me needing to rant so hopefully I can move on. I have adhd and ocd. So a natural overthinker with obsessive thinking.
My wedding was 4 weeks yesterday. It was planned exactly how we wanted it. Unfortunately my family didn't get the memo. It started with cancelling my makeup artist and not finding a hair stylist because my sister/ maid of honour said she would do it. She did a trial before on me, my other sister/bridesmaid and herself. I was really happy with how I looked and so I agreed. Me, my mum and my husband needed to set the marquee up the morning of the wedding so things were quite chaotic. My sisters decided to stay at my nans where all our things were being stored. I said as I couldn't get there until 10.30am and I had to be at my wedding at 2.15pm they would need to be completely ready so that I could have help and not feel stressed out. I arrived at 10.30am to find them both in their pyjamas. One with makeup done and one with hair done. To cut a long story short I ended up doing my own hair, makeup and get into my dress alone while my mum and sisters were concentrating on themselves. I got into my wedding car angry. I'd forgotten to put my perfume on, I wasn't happy with my makeup, my clip wasn't in right and my veil was sliding down. They all looked so much better than me. When I arrived I was so excited to marry my best friend I forgot about what I looked like. The ceremony went really well. Apart from at the end I looked over at my family and my stepdad was sunk in his chair on the front row, arms crossed with a moody expression. I had asked the photographer to take pictures from the front so that I could see guests reactions. I guess that one is on me. We started to have group photos when it was actually my now sister in law and her family appeared after she told us for months she wasn't coming. My mum asked for the picture of her, my stepdad and me first as he wanted to leave. I was quite happy as I didn't want to see his grumpy face any more. Everything went beautifully for a little while. We went to have couple photos and they turned out better then I could of imagined. We went back to the guests. A few minutes later my stepdad came back to the venue but sat in the car park for over an hour in plain view. So many people asked me what he was doing, my mum kept leaving to go and speak to him and so he became the centre of attention. Apparently he is socially awkward. Family members started to leave from 7pm and by 9pm almost everyone was gone. As soon as my nan and aunts left my stepdad came back into the venue. He went to the toilets and strided out with both hands in his pockets. I asked if he was okay and he said he guested. I asked if he was picking my mum up and he said I've been sat here for an hour and a half. My husband, noticing the awkwardness came up and asked him if he was okay, when he gave a half asked reply my husband asked if he was sure. Well from that my stepdad got angry and started shouting that my husband shouldn't talk to him like a child and my husband shouted at him in a very blunt sweary way to get lost. This caused everyone to look and my husbands friends pulled him away while my stepdad smirked and walked back to the car. My mum rushes over, asked what happened and left to talk to him. My younger sister then has a panic attack and gets makeup all over my dress. I am then left consoling her while more people leave. Weirdly enough the last two hours were the best ones. The next day I was sent photos from my mum. While me and my husband were having couple photos. My family had taken group photos of themselves all together and yet again, another long story I wasn't in them. My photographer could only fit so many people into photos so I had smaller groups. My mum and sisters had one together. I'm sure it's just jealously but because of their behaviour in the morning this has really upset me. I don't feel like I'm a wife, I now hate weddings and I can't stop feeling how let down I was.

OP posts:
Bridetobe2025 · 27/08/2024 12:37

Hi OP. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I would have been disappointed too. Are your family normally like this? Very selfish behaviour from them.

I know it’s hard to let go when they spoilt what should have been a very special day, but trying to be positive, you ARE a wife now, and it’s one day out of what will hopefully be a very long marriage, congratulations to you and your new husband.

GeorgieW38 · 27/08/2024 18:23

Thank you so much for replying and agreeing that their behaviour was unacceptable. I keep getting told, "well it wouldn't be a wedding if there wasn't drama" I disagree. My mum and sisters have always been very close. I am the eldest and the black sheep. Me, my husband and children moved away at the beginning of this year as I sadly felt I had nothing to keep me there. My grandad had a party, I wasn't invited but was sent 'family photos'. My great nan sadly died a year and a half ago, I couldn't attend her funeral as I had strep A. I was told nothing about the funeral, my mum even borrowed my car so she could go. All I got was more ' family photos'. Your right, I have my husband and my children. That's all that matters, I should concentrate on what I do have.

OP posts:
AccidentalTourism · 27/08/2024 19:02

I get that you're hurt, they sound chaotic.

You now have a choice; to remember the bad or to remember the good from your wedding day. It is entirely up to you what you focus on.

ComealongMartha · 27/08/2024 19:07

Let them enjoy their drama and walk away. Enjoy the peace and don’t look back.

Drummergirl1971 · 15/04/2025 18:01

GeorgieW38 · 27/08/2024 00:44

Hi everyone, this is me needing to rant so hopefully I can move on. I have adhd and ocd. So a natural overthinker with obsessive thinking.
My wedding was 4 weeks yesterday. It was planned exactly how we wanted it. Unfortunately my family didn't get the memo. It started with cancelling my makeup artist and not finding a hair stylist because my sister/ maid of honour said she would do it. She did a trial before on me, my other sister/bridesmaid and herself. I was really happy with how I looked and so I agreed. Me, my mum and my husband needed to set the marquee up the morning of the wedding so things were quite chaotic. My sisters decided to stay at my nans where all our things were being stored. I said as I couldn't get there until 10.30am and I had to be at my wedding at 2.15pm they would need to be completely ready so that I could have help and not feel stressed out. I arrived at 10.30am to find them both in their pyjamas. One with makeup done and one with hair done. To cut a long story short I ended up doing my own hair, makeup and get into my dress alone while my mum and sisters were concentrating on themselves. I got into my wedding car angry. I'd forgotten to put my perfume on, I wasn't happy with my makeup, my clip wasn't in right and my veil was sliding down. They all looked so much better than me. When I arrived I was so excited to marry my best friend I forgot about what I looked like. The ceremony went really well. Apart from at the end I looked over at my family and my stepdad was sunk in his chair on the front row, arms crossed with a moody expression. I had asked the photographer to take pictures from the front so that I could see guests reactions. I guess that one is on me. We started to have group photos when it was actually my now sister in law and her family appeared after she told us for months she wasn't coming. My mum asked for the picture of her, my stepdad and me first as he wanted to leave. I was quite happy as I didn't want to see his grumpy face any more. Everything went beautifully for a little while. We went to have couple photos and they turned out better then I could of imagined. We went back to the guests. A few minutes later my stepdad came back to the venue but sat in the car park for over an hour in plain view. So many people asked me what he was doing, my mum kept leaving to go and speak to him and so he became the centre of attention. Apparently he is socially awkward. Family members started to leave from 7pm and by 9pm almost everyone was gone. As soon as my nan and aunts left my stepdad came back into the venue. He went to the toilets and strided out with both hands in his pockets. I asked if he was okay and he said he guested. I asked if he was picking my mum up and he said I've been sat here for an hour and a half. My husband, noticing the awkwardness came up and asked him if he was okay, when he gave a half asked reply my husband asked if he was sure. Well from that my stepdad got angry and started shouting that my husband shouldn't talk to him like a child and my husband shouted at him in a very blunt sweary way to get lost. This caused everyone to look and my husbands friends pulled him away while my stepdad smirked and walked back to the car. My mum rushes over, asked what happened and left to talk to him. My younger sister then has a panic attack and gets makeup all over my dress. I am then left consoling her while more people leave. Weirdly enough the last two hours were the best ones. The next day I was sent photos from my mum. While me and my husband were having couple photos. My family had taken group photos of themselves all together and yet again, another long story I wasn't in them. My photographer could only fit so many people into photos so I had smaller groups. My mum and sisters had one together. I'm sure it's just jealously but because of their behaviour in the morning this has really upset me. I don't feel like I'm a wife, I now hate weddings and I can't stop feeling how let down I was.

I don’t understand the results of the vote. I’m on your side. I myself don’t have kids, but find these weddings banning kids bizarre & distasteful tbqhwy. Nevertheless, that’s a separate issue. Your DC is only 8, ofc you had to pick him up & stay with him and why wouldn’t you want to! It’s not a big deal that they joined the breakfast - if it were my wedding, I would be focused on the enjoyment of the celebration & making sure the guest, who had spent time & money attending for my benefit were enjoying it to. I’m so sorry you had this experience OP 😔

BacktoBeginnersFran · 15/04/2025 18:21

Drummergirl1971 · 15/04/2025 18:01

I don’t understand the results of the vote. I’m on your side. I myself don’t have kids, but find these weddings banning kids bizarre & distasteful tbqhwy. Nevertheless, that’s a separate issue. Your DC is only 8, ofc you had to pick him up & stay with him and why wouldn’t you want to! It’s not a big deal that they joined the breakfast - if it were my wedding, I would be focused on the enjoyment of the celebration & making sure the guest, who had spent time & money attending for my benefit were enjoying it to. I’m so sorry you had this experience OP 😔

Perhaps because there is no vote?
And this is about a wedding 8 months ago not about an 8 year old Confused (but thank god you quoted the OP - it nearly got lost in the 4 posts on this thread 🙄)

Drummergirl1971 · 15/04/2025 18:23

This reply has been deleted

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BacktoBeginnersFran · 15/04/2025 18:28

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It's Fran actually 🤪
But you stick to your misogynistic name calling, it tells me all I need to know.

Drummergirl1971 · 15/04/2025 18:29

BacktoBeginnersFran · 15/04/2025 18:28

It's Fran actually 🤪
But you stick to your misogynistic name calling, it tells me all I need to know.

D’you wanna get a life Fran? And maybe a couple of brain cells to go with it?

Helleborer · 15/04/2025 19:09

Time to block your step dad from your life. Absolute wanker.

Laurmolonlabe · 21/05/2025 18:59

Horrible experience, your stepfather is obviously very self centred and likes to be the centre of attention, but to be honest your mother and sisters weren't much better.
You are married now and that is far more important and needs far more attention than the wedding. I would see asittle as possible of your self centred relatives and focus on your husband.
In 5 years time renew your vows and have the experience you want, rely on a good friend not relatives.
I never got married because, in part, l knew what a nightmare my family would be.

mathanxiety · 21/05/2025 19:47

Your step-dad is a nasty piece of work.

I notice you mentioned that you and your H and children moved away, which is great.

Stay away. These people are ridiculous.

You have some nice photos. You have a decent husband, and you have your children.

Maybe have a lovely dinner with your husband some time in the summer. Dress up, go somewhere nice. Get a babysitter (not a family member) for the children. Celebrate getting through the wedding and the happy future you'll have together, free from drama, as long as you keep your family and obnoxious step-dad at arms length.

Crazyworldmum · 21/05/2025 22:29

Remember , none of this was you , you can’t control how awful others are , you did amazing and you got married to your best friend . Remove yourself from your family fur a while , have time for you are your hubby and hopefully with time only the good memories will prevail .
im by no means saying your feelings are not important OP just try and focus on the good parts . Hugs

GeorgieW38 · 24/05/2025 08:31

Thank you everyone for your replies. It's been 10 months now. In that time I haven't spoken to my stepdad at all. My mum fell out with me and my husband as she had apparently spent 3 days after the wedding wondering if she should divorce him, this was apparently our fault. My stepdad was apparently upset as he hasn't been receiving presents from me since the wedding, not the fact that I'm not talking to him. My youngest sister has only just started to get back in contact with me but my other sister and me have been fine. I still find it upsetting to think back to that day even when trying to concentrate on the good things.

OP posts:
KumquatHigh · 24/05/2025 08:39

It sounds very difficult and you did well managing everything the way you did. It’s definitely the case that some people want everything to be all about them, even on someone else’s wedding day! I bet you looked great regardless. Brides do.

And now you have a lovely new start with your husband.

KumquatHigh · 24/05/2025 08:40

And I’m not surprised that you feel upset when you look back on the day, you thought it was going to be one thing and it turned out to be another thing, that is upsetting. You are allowed to feel that way.

siblingrevelryagain · 24/05/2025 08:45

My biggest takeaway from your original post is that your family are self-centred, and your now-husband’s first instinct is to defend you when you’re being wronged. That’s huge 💙

BacktoBeginnersFran · 24/05/2025 10:02

I'm sorry to hear such a sad update, but honest to god it sounds like the best result - your family sound like selfish arseholes!
Enjoy your new family with your DH and kids 💞

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