Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Cheating before wedding

47 replies

WillIBeHappy13 · 16/08/2024 12:41

Need help

OP posts:
Thunderboltandlightningveryveryfrightening · 16/08/2024 15:06

He lied as he said his vows. No coming back from that imo.

GingerPirate · 16/08/2024 15:19

I'm thinking to myself, what's the point of being married in this situation?
Sorry.

mathanxiety · 16/08/2024 15:22

WillIBeHappy13 · 16/08/2024 14:43

I cant stop crying. I am heartbroken.
He has been crying non stop too and apologising. He has told his family and they are not happy with him at all.

Cancel the wedding.

Please don't go through with this sham.

Of course he's crying. Playing for sympathy when you're the one who is devastated.

mathanxiety · 16/08/2024 15:23

You should separate, and see how you both feel in about a year/ eighteen months.

TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 16/08/2024 15:23

Don't dither and drag it out longer or you're just wasting more time on a loser.

End it, mean it and move on. The faster you finish it, the faster you can get over it.

StormingNorman · 16/08/2024 15:28

This will set the tone for your marriage - if you let him stay, the tone is that you’re willing to accept infidelity and other shit behaviours.

Tell him to get out while you think. He may want to spend the next year grovelling and earning your trust/respect again. And you may give him a second chance. But you need to get the upper hand.

GirlMumGabby · 16/08/2024 15:29

Leave OP. Think about what it will be like in a year. Will he still be working with her? Will he be off having secret meetings with her? Save yourself anymore heart break. Best thing I ever did was leave my cheating ex. It will be awful to start with but you will get over it and life will be a million times better.

bergamotorange · 16/08/2024 15:37

Take a break, get some space and let yourself reflect. You don't have to decide anything straight away. The first thing is looking after yourself now.

Ask him to go to stay at a family member's house for a week or so as a starting point.

MsNeis · 16/08/2024 15:42

Thunderboltandlightningveryveryfrightening · 16/08/2024 15:06

He lied as he said his vows. No coming back from that imo.

I'm sorry, OP, but this is what I was thinking.
Obviously you know him,not us, but it's hard to believe that a person without a troubled soul/personality could do such a thing...
I'm really sorry for you and what you are going through 💐

Dontjudgeme101 · 16/08/2024 15:47

I am so sorry op.💐💐💐

palepinkmermaid · 16/08/2024 16:04

How did you find out OP? The fact he wined and dined her and carried on after the wedding would do it for me.

I can't see how you can get past it.

So sorry.

IsThePopeCatholic · 16/08/2024 16:27

You’ll never be able to trust him. Your life will be hell if you stay with him.

SaintHonoria · 16/08/2024 16:29

Better to end it now rather than years down the line when you're a shell of yourself because he has cheated on you many times and each time you forgave him.

SaintHonoria · 16/08/2024 16:30

Oh and when you say you truly love him, you don't! You love who you thought he was. He isn't that man at all.

thursdaymurderclub · 16/08/2024 16:31

who cheated? if you did.. call it off, if your intended did.. call it off! not much help needed really is it?

Biggaybear · 16/08/2024 16:41

Thunderboltandlightningveryveryfrightening · 16/08/2024 15:06

He lied as he said his vows. No coming back from that imo.

Not wanting to be pedantic but that's the whole point if the marriage vows - that from that point forward you forsake all others etc etc. You are literally drawing a line & wiping the slate clean.

HazelWicker · 16/08/2024 16:54

@Biggaybear you are not wiping the slate clean as you say your vows unless your soon to be spouse knows and is happy to proceed. OP got hitched thinking her partner had not cheated on her. Would she if she knew? I doubt it. I wouldn't. I'd have cancelled the wedding.

My divorce was also a lot more expensive. Only six years into the marriage but I forked out £70k in cash and a car. The wedding didn't cost close to that.

HazelWicker · 16/08/2024 16:56

A marriage like yours is classed as short OP. You can't divorce for a year I don't think (unless it changed recently? I was told I couldn't for a year in 2016). But I promise you, I promise you life will be better without him. You will trust again. You will be happy again. But staying with him will make this virtually impossible. Yes you can stay and be happy on the surface. But you will never truly get over this. Never trust him when he's late home. Or going 'away' with friends or work. On a stag do.

I'm sorry to sound harsh but are where I was and I made the wrong call. Happy to PM xx

CountessWindyBottom · 16/08/2024 16:56

WillIBeHappy13 · 16/08/2024 15:01

I thought to give myself time before deciding whether to try again or separating. I'm unsure as I do truly love him

I think you should seek some relationship counselling by yourself @WillIBeHappy13.

You have experienced the worst type of betrayal and I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how shocked, devastated, hurt and angry you are.

I think it would really help you to talk through these huge feelings with a professional counseller and that you then feel secure and happy with the decision you make. Really talking it out with a good therapist who is trained to guide you is the best way forward.

Sending you hugs, it's a truly awful thing to happen. You don't deserve it and it is absolutely no reflection on you xx

DoopSnoggySnogg · 16/08/2024 16:57

What’s to love about a liar and a cheater? Thank god you found out now and not in five, ten, twenty years. I’m so sorry this has happened to you though. He’s scum.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 16/08/2024 21:41

Ok so many people are going to shoot me down here and im ready for it. The fitst thing to ask yourself is this, is he really sorry o sorry he got caught? Im guessing by your post he didnt tell you, you found out. In which case was he displaying the signs or did he confide in someone else that he was doing it? Did he try to deny it when confronted because its all relevant.

Yes if you want to in time you may move past it but im telling you now you never forget. I matry my fiance in 8 days time and when our youngest was 1 he cheated on me. Had it not been for the kids i would of walked away. In many ways i am glad i didnt because we are stronger than ever now, but there was a good couple years where we were very rocky after.

For me it worked and he often tells me how lucky he is that i stayed with him because he realises how much he has to loose. It ultimatly comes down to if you can ever trust him again. Did the communication stop before you found out or because you found out. If its the latter thats not a good signof things to come. If he stopped the communication before you knew its btter but still not good but if she cut communication then i would setiously think about ending it

WillIBeHappy13 · 23/08/2024 15:40

He did not tell me. I found out from seeing flirtatious messages on his phone. He did not tell me he saw you. I spoke to the woman and she told me, he later confirmed.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page