Destination wedding where do even start

[Lutricia007]

Head spinning for all the wedding talk and making decisions. I ( we ) agreed that we not going over our budget and nothing goes on the credit cards. We talking about 40-45 max people for reception meal and at the moment seems like you can’t have anything under 20.000 Which for us is a LOT OF MONEY.

some our friends are saying that why don’t you get married in Caribbean instead. All inclusive 7 dys and free wedding included - no brainer.

How do you organise it? I know TUI , Virgin they do holiday packets ect but what I really mean is that let’s say 12 people deciding to come. Are quests staying in the same hotel where bride and groom staying? Let’s say if bride and groom staying for 7 days is it normal that quest staying for all week or let’s say if wedding would be on the 4 -th day would they arrive day early?

In my head I am just thinking if all the friends staying for a week with groom be bride then it wouldn’t be as special on the wedding day? I hope I make sense lol Normally going on holiday with friends all ways brings up few dramas ect hence the reason why I m thinking maybe it’s not the best idea to spend too much time before hand with friends prior?

I would prefer wedding brekfeast/day after with friends

do we have to be specific on the invite when we want to quests to arrive or would that be rude ? And is it normal that we staying all in the same hotell - maybe someone finds fit too expensive or opposite to low key.

If you have any insight please do comment :-)

I fear you might get a bit of a hard time here OP, MN is not fond of destination weddings whatsoever. Personally I think they can be great in the right circumstances but I'm not sure right for you given what you describe (money being an issue and you wanting 40-45 people to attend). Unless your family and friends are really wealthy, all in flexible jobs with ample annual leave and there are no school age children to consider I fear at least some people won't be able to attend, is that a big issue for you?

I go to quite a lot of weddings, several abroad and going abroad to save money does seem increasingly popular but it can be a bit chalk and cheese because what saves you money costs your guests money and convenience as they have to take extra time off work and often spend a lot of money to come too, particularly for families, yes you get a holiday but not necessarily the holiday you would have chosen. And like you say, the cheaper wedding packages are going to be accounting for only a smaller number of guests as that's more normal for a destination wedding, I'm sure it's possible to accommodate more but presumably that does add to the costs particularly if you are planning on contributing to accommodation or travel for your guests?

In terms of your actual questions in terms of where the guests stay and how it all works, I've seen it done a number of ways. Most common is probably that guests outside the immediate wedding party organise and pay for their own accommodation which inevitably means a bit of splitting up due to varying budgets etc, also some people have tended to only arrive day before the wedding whereas others come for a bit of a holiday beforehand or afterwards. Maybe the b&g have organised some kind of block booking or discount rate at the resort the wedding is at, or a nearby hotel, but that's always been optional and no expectation everyone will stay or all hang out together as a group before the actual wedding starts, people have tended to fragment off into their smaller family or friendship groups. Like you say otherwise it turns into an enormous group holiday which is a nightmare for most. Nor have I ever had much expectation that we'll see too much of the b&G before the wedding itself, usually they've been much too busy organising and preparing to spend much time chilling with their guests beforehand, and often they've headed off on a separate honeymoon afterwards... I think in these days of the internet and easy booking options you can pretty much lay out your itinerary for the wedding with times and locations (e.g. pre-wedding dinner Thursday AM at X restaurant, wedding Friday at Y resort, day after brunch Saturday at Z hotel, and people can sort themselves out around that, of course you will get needy people wanting more help and advice, more planned activities before and after, more of you essentially, but I think that will be the case whether you have a UK wedding or abroad.

I think if the Caribbean setting is really important to you then go for it but plan on it being a smaller ceremony, maybe immediate family only? Then throw a bigger lower key party for wider family and friends when you get back (although prepare for the odd person to be glum about not being invited to the 'real' wedding). OR perhaps you could explore European options for a beach-y/sunny wedding that might be more achievable/affordable for people to come for the weekend only if time and money are the issue, and if people are flying in for a weekend it probably takes a bit of the drama potential away compared to everyone being on top of one another for a whole week and that being their main holiday for the year which puts a lot of pressure and expectations on? OR if it's purely budget concerns it should absolutely be achievable to host 40-45 people if the UK for less than £20k if you are smart about it, lots of great ideas on budget weddings here and elsewhere if you search old threads?

I would pick a country you actually want to get married in, and then look at practical options for your guests, in terms of costs and alternative hotels if yours is too expensive.

I had to decline an invititation (to the be a witness!) to a caribbean wedding due to the cost. It was a few grand. There was nothing alternative nearby. The bride’s grandparents were also unable to attend due to the long journey.

I would start by deciding how many people you want there, who you want there, and then asking if they could afford or manage something like that.

If you can't afford the wedding you want in the UK, choosing a destination wedding because the wedding part is free is simply transferring the costs to your guests. Very few people would be delighted to be invited to a destination wedding.

Destination weddings are just shifting cost from the bride & groom to the guest IMO

And people have to use lots of annual leave, think about childcare for a longer period etc

Caribbean is going to be hugely costly and time consuming for your guests. As PP says a lot may not come. Or they may come but feel resentful of how much it is costing them.

I was in Cyprus last month and there were 3 UK couple weddings in the hotel while we were there. As you pointed out, the ones that we saw didn't seem particularly special to me, for want of another word, although hopefully they had a lovely time and it was what they imagined.
One of the groups had about 15 close family members, they were together pretty much all day every day, and on the evening of the wedding they were all at the evening entertainment/ mini disco together in their wedding outfits (including the bride in her dress), and back at the pool together the next morning.
Another of 20-30 ish seemed like there were more extended family, where there were several holidays of different dates/ lengths overlapping, which felt a bit more like they were seeing people they wouldn't normally, maybe a bit more wedding like.
The last was a group of 6, where they had their wedding meal on the night in an area adjacent to where the rest of us were having a BBQ night.

We're currently starting to plan for a wedding next year, and seeing this put me off a hotel wedding TBH. The wedding ceremony itself was good enough value (I think about £1200-1500, including things like flowers, registrar, certain photos, etc) but one of the family members was saying that if they wanted a private hotel area for the meal after, it was going to cost around £5-6000 extra. The alternative, which one of the other groups took, was to just eat as normal in the all inclusive buffet area, although they did have a private table area outside.

If we were going to plan a wedding abroad, I would personally look for somewhere with a town hall/ off site venue for the ceremony, and maybe a private restaurant for the meal after, then you don't have to stay in the same hotel. I don't think that would be an option for the Caribbean though, would it?

Be realistic about your guests. If they tend to be wealthy jetsetters then this could work well. If not then expect a lot of declines. I don't think you can dictate when people arrive and where they stay, people will want to do what suits them logistically.

If you will need a legal marriage ceremony in the UK beforehand then be honest with your guests about the ceremony that they are being invited to.

Be careful of packages offered, sometimes they encourage pretty crappy behaviour and act like it's normal. For example exclusive hire and jacking up room prices for your guests to cover the cost of the wedding. People won't like that.

It's not necessarily a bad idea OP but it's one that you need to think through carefully.

If you're on a budget, that's fine. You can have a lovely UK wedding without breaking the bank. Plenty of people do it, it's about getting people to share your day and celebrate.
Just think about what kind of meal, don't have an evening do, favours, or decorate the chairs.
Think about costs for your outfit etc.
I'm sure people have good ideas on here!

For 45 people you can easily organise a wedding (church or registry office) plus reception meal and evening party with live band, I know because I've just booked it all! I had multiple options and could have done significantly cheaper if we had opted for one of the other venues, as in half the price. BTW that price includes drinks too

Your priorities are skewed, if your main issue with having a ‘free wedding’ in the Caribbean is that it’s not going to feel ‘special’ enough if all your guests are there for several days either side. Rather than, as several pps have pointed out, that you have simply transferred the expense to your guests. And I say this as someone not opposed to weddings overseas, and have been to several.

If you are only thinking 45 people for a reception, you could get married then hire a restaurant for the evening, which friends of ours did and was lovely.

If you do decide to get married abroad, you absolutely have to be ok with just being the two of you, if nobody else decides to come. It's not a reflection of you or your relationships, it's quite simply cost and time off are a big factor for most people.

I'd also suggest that you consider getting married somewhere in Europe, to keep costs down for guests. Cyprus / Italy / Portugal.

Tbh if your guests are travelling 12 hrs to the Carribbean (assuming you're in England) they're not going to come for a couple of days, I'd be booking for two weeks or not bother.
DD had her wedding in a Hilton hotel, £6k basic package, 60 sit down 3 course meal (inc table clothes, chair covers), 150 on evening do with buffet and disco.
They paid approx £600 for the registry lady, bought a load of table decs etc from eBay, we had a fantastic time.
We also live in a tourist city

As far as destination weddings, it varies, I've not stayed in the same hotel but the ones I've been to have been in Europe, in moderate sized resorts and we've opted for cheaper accommodation and crucially where you can pick up cheap flights. If you pretty much have to book the TUI package as a guest then yes essentially they are there for the same week or two, sharing your honeymoon. It's a different experience for sure. I'd also add that both the weddings I've been to overseas had family links to that place and they laid on pre wedding parties to say thank you for coming etc

Remember flights aren't always available everyday long haul. Honestly but gently you sound like you need a reality check

Thank you every one for your replies.

I do agree with above comments and i totally get it about destination weddings.

All the venues I have looked in UK don’t excite me :(

I know we could have registry office and restaurant after but I find it so boring lol

Also I find boring traditional weddings.

In my ideal wedding I would get married in Alpes skiing slopes just with close family.

I suppose I still have time to decide what we really want 🙈

In my ideal wedding I would get married in Alpes skiing slopes just with close family.

Do this then, if your partner agrees?

Although if you can't find a lovely / unusual wedding venue in the UK then I don't think you're looking hard enough. We got married at a local attraction (landscaped gardens type of place with its own event marquee) that doesn't promote that they do weddings but was happy to when we asked. If we were getting married again our favourite local harbour-side restaurant now does weddings.

I think just randomly picking the Caribbean when you have no personal connection to it and then being picky about how long your guests spend there and where they stay is likely to lend you with no guests.

You need to decide what's "boring".
If you want colour and excitement, think about having some sort of alternative ceremony and venue?
In all honesty people are happy to celebrate with you, just make sure that it won't cost or inconvenience them too much and put on plenty of food and drink, it doesn't have to be fancy.

Well do that then!

If having a bigger group of guests isn’t important to you then pick your ideal location and just invite a handful of close people

If having more guests (the 40-45 you mentioned) is important then pick a venue that means they can come, even if it’s not exciting

If you want to do destination weddings, I wouldnt reccommend the carribean. especially if you prefer alpine slopes

how about somewhere like lake como? Will be closer, more affordable for your guests?

Well if unusual and non traditional is what you'd like then I'd start with that. If you go to the Caribbean on a Tui wedding package what you'll get is a traditional western wedding but more sunny sweaty and with more pissed off guests (sorry to anyone who's done this!)

Ditch all the boring traditional stuff and start totally from scratch with what you actually want and value - you could even go with a non legally binding ceremony like a humanist ceremony or a pagan handfasting as your 'main event' and then quietly sort out the legalities at a registry office before or after - I know some on MN vehemently disapprove as then the part you invite guests to isn't the 'real wedding', but to me this is totally normal as DH comes from a cultural/religious background where the traditional ceremony doesn't 'count' for legal purposes so it is very very common for couples to have a separate registry office legal ceremony on a totally different day to the part they regard as actually getting married - one couple I know delayed actually legally getting married for a whole year after their 'wedding' - that's a bit extreme but not that unusual for some). So if an intimate alpine ceremony is what you're after do that - you can add in any more 'traditional' parts you do want (so e.g. if making a speech is important to your Dad, your DH wants to arrive in a vintage car, you want a first dance to a meaningful song) you can do those parts, without needing to do the full 'church and golf club buffet and cheesy disco' shebang. Always make it up to people who missed out on celebrating with you afterwards (and more will probably make it to say Italy than they would the Caribbean). Or, if you really aren't feeling too bothered about the details of the wedding itself but having nearest and dearest there is what matters, you can do a fairly no-frills basic registry office ceremony followed by pub or restaurant lunch buffet in the UK for about half your budget, then blow the rest on a truly incredible honeymoon - perhaps even a little private vows ceremony somewhere special just you and DH if you don't find that too cheesy?

As per PP a destination wedding in the Caribbean won't be budget friendly at all for your guests so either they are rich or most will decline.

In our case it's not a destination wedding, it's where I am from but partner is british.

We decided to do it there cause it's just a 2hour flight and then 20mins by car to the venue. It's a summer destination and most of the guests seemed excited about doing a weekend getaway about it.

We do feel a bit bad that they have to spend money on flights+accommodation but then at the venue is a buffet/sunset party and then a 3 course meal and more food at 1am. With open bar all day.

Anyway, long story short...if thinking of a destination wedding somewhere closer and that can be attractive if people want to do a small holiday might be a better compromise.