Sensitive 3 year old flowergirl worries!

[becca2203]

My little girl 3.5 has been asked to be a flowergirl at my best friends wedding this weekend. I am maid of honour and the brides daughter who my little girl adores, will be flowergirl too.
I deliberately haven't spoken too much about the wedding to my daughter so not to put pressure by hyping it up too much. This morning I said to her that she would get to have nice photos taken in her pretty dress with her auntie and she said "I don't want to, I don't want to be anything". She's come out of it now but now I'm panicking she won't get her photos taken or will have a meltdown on the day when there's people there she doesn't know!

I wasn't worried until last week when she cried at her nursery sports day! I think she got a fright at there being so many people there!

My mum will be dropping her off with me just before I get her dressed and ready to leave for the service, so she will see other adults there she hasn't met before. Should I just not talk about it anymore to her and just hope for the best?!

She will be fine as the day goes on and gets hyper, I'm just worried about the initial bit 🙈

I don’t know but my daughter would be the same. She hates being the centre of attention in a crowd or people looking at her and never really smiles in photos with other people/people she doesn’t know as well etc especially at a big event like a wedding (different when at home with us obviously!)

Don't surprise her with the wedding but explain that she'll be wearing a pretty dress and be with the other girl, their look like twins (my gd loves looking the same as cousins) say your be with her the whole time. Keep it simple but fun. Takes some bubble to blow when bride and groom leave ceremony and get her to practise before being silly. Wouldn't it be funny if the bubbles landed on aunties head. Also take food in case she doesn't want to eat. Hopefully once with the other girl she'll ignore the adults

We really did the opposite and did 'rehearsals' - play acted out wedding ceremonies, took it in turns to be the bride/flower girl/ photographer etc. Just low key and part of the normal kind of role playing she loves doing. It helped my DD but obviously you know yours best! 😀

I would talk to the adults involved and make it clear that if she can’t perform on the day/has a meltdown, they will need to deal and shouldn’t be too wedded to her participating. She may be fine, but you can’t know.

DH’s niece was about the same age when she was flower girl for her aunt. Frankly ridiculous amounts of expense and preparation went into her appearance (hair professionally curled, fresh orchid crown etc), and she was all excited and positive till the moment she was walking up the aisle with the ‘big’ bridesmaids when she burst into hysterical tears halfway, ran back down to the porch roaring, her mother had to run out of the church after her (all captured on the wedding video — she’s still wailing halfway through the ceremony). She’s not even in the official photos, as she was still scarlet and snotty and upset with her hair like a bird’s nest..

No one sensible expects a 3yo to be reliable, and if the bride has a little girl herself then I'm sure she's aware all might not go to plan! Ask the bride if maybe the girls should walk with you unless they're super keen to go together?

Will you have a partner there with you to grab your little girl if she doesn't play ball? Obviously you'll be busy!

I wouldn't worry too much. At that age she'll look cute and no one will expect too much from her. Just make sure you have a named person whose job it is to whisk her away and deal with her the second she starts making a scene, so that you can concentrate on being a bridesmaid.

My niece was a bridesmaid at a family wedding aged 2.5 and participated beautifully in the rehearsal the day before. But on the day she cried and wouldn't walk down the aisle. No big deal. She is in the photos afterwards but I don't think she's smiling in any of them! 4 years later she was my bridesmaid and did it perfectly.

I'd talk to your friend. Although she also has a daughter I suspect hers will be a lot more on board with this and so the bride might not be as understanding as you think.

I think you need to talk your daughter through it a bit more- can you find some videos online so she can see what will happen?

Then you need to have a contingency plan in case she's unwilling to go ahead on the day, that doesn't involve you.

Honestly don't worry about it. The Bride knows your daughter and is likely aware this could happen. I get married this summer after 15 years together. We have boys. Our nieces are flower girls and bridesmaids. One sil is worried her daughter has not met my nieces and will be shy. Fh sibling lives an hours drive away and my brother lives 3 hours in another direction. Sil is also worried dn is going through a phase of only wearing wellies. I told her if that's what it takes to get her out the door on the day go for it.

By brothers partner is worried as one of their daughters is a little diva(she reminds me of me at her age) and the baby will be 6 months old. She was concerned one child will be screaming and the other running riot. I told her not to worry about it, if it happens so be it the main thing is they are there. Besides it wouldn't be a wedding without a little drama fron one of the kids. I would far rather that than a child free wedding. I love my kids, nieces and nephew too much not to include them. Your daughter will be fine. Photographers know how to handle kids. Maybe take a soft toy she loves the photographer can hold to get her looking at the camera.

My 5 year old niece was flower girl for me in March. She wouldn’t walk down the aisle because she was too nervous (it’s understandable, it’s a lot of people you don’t know staring at you). She ended up walking down the aisle with her mum who was also a bridesmaid. It was fine, everyone thought it was adorable.

Are there any other grown up bridesmaids she knows well who might hold her hand?

Definitely don’t not walk about it though - I would find some pictures and make a social story and talk her through was is expected and visit the venue if possible to practice.