Save the dates for evening guests??

[hurtingheart19]

Hi,
I would be so grateful if anyone could explain to me a few things about how invitations and save the dates for weddings work! I got engaged around 6 weeks ago (eeep!) and we have found the venue and are getting married next June.
so I understand you send a save the date and then much closer to the time the formal invitation.
my question…. Do you send a save the date to everyone you are inviting, whether that is full day guest or evening? Is there any difference in these, as in do you make it clear this is a save the date for the evening only?
second, we are inviting aunties and uncles to full day but cousins to evening only (cost reasons) if they live in the same house (most don’t but a few do) do you send like “aunt one invite” and “cousin separate evening invite”
Finally! And possibly the one I understand the least…. Do evening guests rsvp? I’m conscious that lots of people we invite to the evening may choose not to
come- it is local but they probably would want to stay overnight so may think it’s too much for the evening only. But we would need to know how many extra are coming to have enough food and was planning to do a welcome drink for evening guests. I have only been to full day weddings as an adult so I have never seen how this is all done.
Thank you to anyone who can tell me these things!

Send the save the dates to day guests only. You still wont know how many will accept the actual invitation. The food planning comes only when you send the actual invitations

I don't think you can reasonably expect people who live in the same house to attend if you give one a day invite and one an evening only. Just saying.

Thank you I did think it would be save the dates to day guests only. At least that solves my most pressing question!
I think my cousins will understand, there’s just too many of us and we aren’t close. I don’t think my aunty would not come when all her siblings are for that reason, but obviously that is totally up to her. Thank you for the reply though.
So night guests… do they rsvp? Surely yes?

Save the dates for day guests only.
For the aunts and cousins living together... send the save the date with aunts name only. Include a nice handwritten note saying that unfortunately, due to venue numbers you're only able to have a limited number of guests to the day time. However you would love if cousins could join for drinks and nibbles and cake (or whwtever is on offer) from 7pm

Save the dates for daytime only. Not everyone sends them though - sometimes just an actual invitation when it's ready.

Yes everyone needs to rsvp as you need numbers for evening too - catering etc. you'll be charged per head.

My husband’s family all did that and there were never any issues, as we all appreciated that with 20+ cousins on one side of the family, you just couldn’t have everyone there during the day.

Please do not send “save the dates” to evening guests, it’s only an evening out!

Thanks so much, yes that seems a good solution. Acknowledging it with a note is a nice way to do it I think!

It may be seen as bad manners to invite only some members of a family or household to your wedding. And then give the other members of that family a second class invite (evening).

You do what you need to do based on your personal circumstances but just warning this is a tricky (and unusual) etiquette question and you may get a negative reaction.

Whatever you do be proactive and transparent. Eg when you invite your Aunt and Uncle also phone them to explain why their children who live with them are not invited to the day wedding. Don’t leave them hanging and trying to guess what their invite status is, or asking others - being upfront avoids bad feeling!

@Jeezitneverends yes it is exactly like that with us. (I just realised how to tag posters! Fun)

Yes to the save the dates only for day guests… so say with work colleagues that would just be evening… how do I invite them? Do I give them an evening invite a few weeks before with a -would love you to come if you’re free- let me know.

I honestly don’t see the point in save the date cards - surely you’re likely to see/speak to people who you really want to attend and then they’ll keep that date free anyway! A save the date doesn’t guarantee they’ll save the date anyway if people want to go on holiday and that’s the only time they can go!

We've got a huge family and a few family weddings have just had aunts/uncles to the daytime and then cousins at night (including my wedding) and it was totally fine.

@Matilda1981 I think there’s a lot of wedding things that seem “a lot” but we always put save the date cards on the fridge and they are useful because we will avoid booking things over that weekend once we know. And with it being June people might think about going away, obviously they may still choose to go away and that’s ok, but knowing how we work with friends weddings if it meant going a couple of days later on holiday to attend the wedding we would.

I had save the dates and save the evening cards printed.
The reason being is my venue had a max capacity for day guests and I still had about 20 people who I really wanted there! My rationale was that if they knew the date in advance they were more likely to come!

And yes evening guests RSVP too!

You send an evening invitation which says along the lines of “you are invited to an evening reception to celebrate the marriage of…”

I know you’re very excited which is lovely to see, you’re in a lovely place just now, but there are lots of online wedding fora which will give you perfect answers to the millions of questions and dilemmas you have just now

@Jeezitneverends thank you, yes I should probably use a wedding specific forum you are right!

With work colleagues, assuming you are going to speak about it at work a lot, I'd just mention that you are hoping they can make the evening do - just as it's awkward when someone constantly is mentioning an event and you don't know if you are invited or not. (Most other people you probably won't discuss it alot unless they are attending)

I wouldn’t mention too much at work about who’s invited, I would leave it until nearer the time because there could be quite a few staff changes/things happening between now and the wedding.

for example, someone you get on with at work might leave, and because you’ve mentioned they’re invited to the wedding you might not be able to invite someone you’re closer with. It’s so tricky with numbers for weddings you just have to try to be careful and think who you definitely want there!

STDs only for the subsets of guests who you'd really miss if they wouldn't ne there.

If you need them at all (they're really just a way of selling more stationery). As the subset of those guests who matter most is likely to be quite small, and you are likely to be in touch anyhow, them you could simply tell them next time you're in touch. Ditto those who you want to tip off early, because you know they might have complex travel to sort out.

All those to whom you send an STD should be invited to the whole shebang. But the converse isn't true - you don't need STDs for every day guest.

Never for evening-only guests. They would be people like work friends or members of the same clubs, and local, so you can just drop them that invitation much closer to the time

Your venue is going to have dates that you have to provide firm counts. You send your invites well ahead of that date so people have time to rsvp and then you have time to follow up with stragglers. 6 weeks out minimum, possibly longer.

I would also add work colleague got married - lots of evening invites … Then left a few months before wedding - then was very disappointed when lots dropped out. I think it was a life lesson to her most people at work are colleagues and you never see after leaving . You and Dh to be May or may not be in the same job next year and who will be working there

And then give the other members of that family a second class invite (evening)

MN is the only time I ever see evening invited described as second class 🙄