Partner's not invited to wedding?

[Mummalajoe]

Thoughts? My uncles said no one is allowed to bring their partners to the wedding even if you have been together for 10 years and they know the person? I thought he was joking but he wasn't. Maybe He just wants to keep it small but I find it odd no one is allowed? It is not my wedding which I totally understand and there might be logical explanations for why .. but it's sad for the partners to be singled out? Would you still go?

Thanks
Lajoe

Lol, partners have not been “singled out”. Your uncle doesn’t want to pay for those extra people he doesn’t know so well.

as the old MN saying goes - it’s an invite, not a summons, don’t go if you don’t want to (but I would, not being glued to my partners side and knowing lots of people)

its a family party no partners- no issue, it’s not like you won’t know anyone

I suspect the logical reason is that they can't afford it, and in order to accommodate partners/spouses they'd have to find somewhere a bit less instagrammy...

Partner is the father of my kids ?

Your uncle doesn’t want to pay for everyone’s partner especially for the ones he barely knows, he’s made a blanket rule that works for him and his fiancé for their wedding. No one has been singled out, the opposite in fact, they’re probably trying to be more fair this way.
i can’t see the problem with this.

Okay that makes sense

Really don’t understand the mindset of couples having to go to a wedding. Numbers are limited and weddings are expensive.

I have 14 cousins. The place where we had our ceremony had a limit of 70 guests, we simply did not have the room to accommodate partners. It was a register office as well so nothing at all about being instagrammable or unaffordable as another poster has suggested 🙄

Don't get it !!! Your partner of ten years the father of your children, of course he should be invited to a family wedding, he is now part of your family as you are of his...its bad enough when there's no children at family weddings nope don't get it...so no I wouldn't be going , only as a unit ( different if it was a friend from work etc)

Funny I can't understand the mindset of excluding parters, spouses and children - weddings are about family. And that should include your guests' immediate families.

Yes, I would still go if you want to see the ceremony. I went to one of these last summer, they chose a small amount of guests as a very limited size for the wedding meal, then a party for everyone.
I'm now starting planning a wedding for next summer and thinking of doing the same- and nieces and nephews won't make the list for us. Siblings will be invited but not partners or kids, parents and a couple of friends will get the number to 30 guests, so we will all fit in the registry office. I would rather a friend was there who I see once a month for a good catch up, than my siblings husband who I see at a family occasion, no matter how long they've been together. Plus, even if I've known them for 25 years and happy to have them there, that then means I probably have to invite the partner of another sibling/ niece, who have been together a year and I don't know well.

I’ve been to a wedding like this it was great because all cousins mixed on about old times when we were kids proper family event all up dancing like when we were kids and at school

when you bring partners then tend to stick to each other and not mix

But yes it probably was cost

wouldn’t even see it as an issue your not joined at the hip

Weddings are really expensive, he obviously can only afford limited numbers and so is prioritising only close family.

I would still go if I were able to. It’s not like your partner has been singled out, it’s all partners.

Let’s imagine he can afford for 50 people at the wedding, they have 25 close family members and then they can invite 25 more people. Should they invite the 25 partners of their close family members and then have none of their close personal friends there? Or should they have their 25 family members and then 25 of their own friends?

Is there a reason you can't ask your Uncle why the exclusion? If you find out it is for financial reasons could all the partners chip in money to pay for their own meal or a larger venue? When partners are excluded from these types of events they do not have this piece of family history to relate to so I can see why having a partner go with can feel important to immediate family guest.

Of course it's his wedding so what he wants goes but if there is a way to expand and help out then why not ask what the reason for the exclusion is? The approach doesn't have to be judgemental or embarrass the Uncle. Something like "Hey Uncle, was just wondering if you don't want partners because of cost which is totally understandable because we live on a strict budget ourselves but if that's the case we'd be happy to pay our portion of the catering cost and perhaps everyone else would too if they could bring their partners so we can all be at this historical family event creating the memory together.". If the venue size is the reason then perhaps another venue could be found and you all could help pay for it if that means including partners and Uncle is on board.

OP, please do not do this. Either go or don’t go, but do not embarrass yourself or your uncle by offering to pay🙄.

Do you actually want to go? And does your DP want to go or do you feel obliged to go and are miffed that your DP isn't included?
And is it your uncle's first wedding?
If it bothers you just politely decline the invite ...

So you want to suggest they have a much larger wedding, even suggesting a new venue, change the wedding completely to accommodate partners.

Then ask everyone’s partners to pay to attend this historical event’.

Rather than just listen to what he has already said. Partners aren’t invited.