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Original poster

Wedding clash - help!

25 replies

northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 20:57

Two school friends are getting married on the same day next year. I don't know what to do!?

My thoughts are to go with the friend who had the date booked first? They haven't sent invites but told a handful of us when it was going to be.

But I'm so so sad not to be attending both. We are all in the same friendship group but the two friends in question haven't communicated their dates. The second friend has just booked their on a whim and it's abroad.

I was thinking there might be a slim chance the second friend might change their date as at least 3 of us are massively affected and might not be able to attend.

How would you approach?
I'm equally close to both friends but one was my bridesmaid two years ago.

OP posts:
Solgrass · 26/04/2024 21:02

Go to the first friends wedding who’s date you know. The second friend whose wedding is abroad will probably have a reception at home on a later date, you can attend that.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/04/2024 21:02

I'd go with the first friend, both because she told you her date first and because the second friend is having a destination wedding.

Are you closer to one than the other?

Solgrass · 26/04/2024 21:04

Also if it’s the same friendship group, the second friend might realise that lots of friends will have this clash and can’t attend so she may change the dates or at the very least, put on a reception when she gets back.

Original poster
northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:07

We are in the same friendship group and second friend will be upset that bridal friend + two of us wouldn't be there.. but I don't think enough to change their date.

I would say I'm equally close to both of them and love them both very much.

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 26/04/2024 21:18

Personally, I'd go to the first wedding. Before you commit to a wedding date, you confirm that all the people who you wouldn't want to celebrate your wedding without will be able to make it. Everyone else you just invite, and hope can make the date. If she's upset that you can't come to the wedding, that's on her for not ensuring you were free.

Out of curiosity, which friend was your bridesmaid? If you love them both equally now, something must have changed since your wedding two years ago, because that to me sounds like both or neither would have been your bridesmaid. If the second friend was your bridesmaid, she might take it as a sign that you don't feel as close to her now as you did two years ago when you had her as one of your closest friends, and now she's the one left out. Not saying that should inform your decision though, and I have no idea which friend was the bridesmaid!

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 26/04/2024 21:22

Surely when the 2nd one said their wedding date you said oh no that is also so and so's wedding?!

Original poster
northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:24

To avoid confusion,

First friend with UK wedding who set the date first was my bridesmaid.

Second friend with abroad wedding is male, and therefore wasn't a bridesmaid.

But equally close to both!

OP posts:
Original poster
northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:25

And yes we are all just finding out now... they sent it on WhatsApp and our friend who is getting married mentioned that's her date.

OP posts:
VillageGreenPS · 26/04/2024 21:33

You go to the first wedding: they set a firm date first, invited you first, plus it's in the U.K. Second person is basically on a hiding to no guests from the sound of things. They will have to switch dates.

mnahmnah · 26/04/2024 21:34

Had the friend with the destination wedding actually said she wants everyone to go? It may just be a small one with family. The fact it is abroad is the perfect reason to not go.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 26/04/2024 21:37

Oh dear it's probably going to kick off.

You need to go with the one you have the date for. It's the only fair way.

Original poster
northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:37

Second friend would love everyone to be there and is gutted they didn't realise it was the same date. But I don't think they can change.

OP posts:
Original poster
northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:40

I almost certain I will go with the first friend, wedding in UK, set date first, was my bridesmaid.

How can I let my other friend down sensitively!? Maybe we can go for a celebratory meal

OP posts:
fuckssaaaaake · 26/04/2024 21:42

This is so shit for everyone. I defo messaged my besties to check they could do the date before I booked but guess the second people didn't. I find it strange that two mates wouldn't communicate with each other when they know both are planning weddings. Even if it was a week apart it would still be shit due to honeymoons etc . I feel bad for you, so tricky

razorbladethroat · 26/04/2024 21:42

northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:40

I almost certain I will go with the first friend, wedding in UK, set date first, was my bridesmaid.

How can I let my other friend down sensitively!? Maybe we can go for a celebratory meal

You don't need to. You've done nothing wrong

Original poster
northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:48

I just feel so sad for them and myself really!
I would say out of the group the two of them are probably the least close so I feel like this conversation just didn't happen organically

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 26/04/2024 22:08

It's a huge shame but it happens.

Do the right thing by the first friend.

Don't feel bad apologising to the second that unfortunately you already have a prior engagement.

Neolara · 26/04/2024 22:11

I think friend 2 was silly not to have checked the date with friend 1 before booking. Presumably it wasn't a secret?

CadyEastman · 26/04/2024 22:12

I'd go to the one that's in the UK. People who book weddings abroad surely realise that quite a few people won't be able to go?

Redglitter · 26/04/2024 22:14

northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:40

I almost certain I will go with the first friend, wedding in UK, set date first, was my bridesmaid.

How can I let my other friend down sensitively!? Maybe we can go for a celebratory meal

You go to the first one

When the invite for the second comes in you tell them you can't go because you're going to wedding no 1. Simple

Anyone booking a wedding overseas knows a lot of people won't be there. Chances are they'll have some kind of do when they come home.

Notreat · 26/04/2024 22:16

northchesterforest · 26/04/2024 21:40

I almost certain I will go with the first friend, wedding in UK, set date first, was my bridesmaid.

How can I let my other friend down sensitively!? Maybe we can go for a celebratory meal

Just tell him you had already agreed to go to your other friends wedding but that you would love to celebrate with him either when he gets back or before he goes.

MassiveChickenAtTheEveningDo · 26/04/2024 22:24

Why wasn't 2nd friend in the "handful" that knew what friend 1's date was? Or did they just not think?

duckduckgo13 · 27/04/2024 10:07

Aw what a shame! Go to the first as it’s in the U.K. the second one will probably have a U.K. reception / party / legal wedding where you can celebrate.

user1492757084 · 10/05/2024 08:38

Your explanation that you knew of the (UK) wedding first is a perfect explanation and it is the correct thing to attend that one.
Your other friend will accept that without offence.

If they are too bothered by that, they will change the date.
Destination weddings are usually smaller; couples do not expect everyone to be able to afford the expense or time. It is fine for them to choose a location over hoards of guests.

ABirdsEyeView · 10/05/2024 11:44

You don't need to feel sorry for some silly muppet who hasn't given any thought to this. He should be apologising to first friend for booking his wedding on the same day as hers, given that she did let people know!

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