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help me get through it

4 replies

nervousweddingguest · 20/04/2024 19:14

Its complicated... DH's DSS (his ex wifes daughter) is getting married very soon, DSS calls DH Dad and took DH's name etc. When DH and his EX split 21 years ago, DSS remained a big part of the family and always will be.

When DH and his ex initally got together, biological dad was alledged to have been violent and made threats to assault DH.

Fast forward a bit, when me and DH met he has been divorced from his ex for 10 years, but it was very clear she still had feelings, so i offered to walk away and let them see if they could work it out but he declined.

His ex then sent him a message saying she couldnt bear to see him so happy and that she was going to remove him/block him on all social media and at every family get together she threw icy stares at me and was very rude to DH.

A few years ago, DSS decided to rebuild a relationship with her biological dad which is of course fantastic. its not been easy but everyone appears happy ish. DH still holds a grudge against the biologival dad, still gets a frosty reception from his ex wife and I'm stuck in the middle.

Well, DSS has asked DH to do a father of the bride speech. He's not giving her away as she says the only person that has been there for her is her mum.

How do i get through this wedding? I am invited, I can't not go, if shes my DH's 'daughter' then shes mine also.

I just need some advice on how to play this, bearing in mind ex wife will be frosty and throwing daggers at me and biological dad will be throwing frosty daggers at DH.

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicMomday · 20/04/2024 19:31

Be super polite, be the better person and go over to say hello and compliment them on their lovely daughter. It's hard to be horrible to someone that's been seen by all as being kind to you.

nervousweddingguest · 21/04/2024 12:54

Well I am here... suited and booted! Grandma has given me the top to toe once over with a sneer!

Ex wife has snarled at me... 1 glass of wi e down! It's going to be a long day

I am smiling and being nice

OP posts:
ScruffGin · 23/04/2024 12:04

Hope it went ok overall!

Illpickthatup · 23/04/2024 12:21

Frosty daggers would be a win for me when this situation arises. Certainly better than the usual threats and shouting abuse.

My stepson lives with us full time and is actually my DHs DSS. Like you DSD, he's grown up calling him dad and changed his surname to DHs. He hasn't had contact with his biological father since he was 3 and has yet to show any interest in doing so but he's only 17 so who knows. He doesn't get on with his mum, I'm fact he hates her and barely sees her but would still invite her if he was ever to get married.

DH shares a DD with her so we've already had to be in the same room for school events, dance shoes etc. We just avoid her as much as possible but she always goes out of her way to approach us with some snarky comment or to have a go. So frosty daggers from a distance I would absolutely love.

I see the wedding has been and gone. I hope everything went well and you managed to get through the day in one piece.

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