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Date having to be set due to his brother being deployed?

9 replies

susanlakeeth · 17/04/2024 17:56

So at first, my fiances best man (in a sports team) could only attend our wedding if it was in March - so my fiancé understandably wanted him there so gave me the direction it would need to be in the time his best man could come. That went out the window as I think he came around more to my thinking that it isn't fair if my entire wedding is set around a date suitable for his friend. Apparently this friend can only leave the state he is in if its a funeral of an immediate family member? (apparently he doesn't have 1 day a week free? odd?)

Now (which I understand) his brother is being deployed for a year in May so the wedding needs to be apparently before May (because understandably he wants his brother there) - I just feel a little annoyed that on top of the wedding stress I now need to find a warmish part of the world in April and the date is still dictated to me by other people. The place we were looking at said we can't use the outdoor space as its going to be too cold at that point of the year.

am i being unreasonable? My cousin is my maid of honour but said don't work around her university just pick a date for me and if she can be there she will.

OP posts:
RagzRebooted · 17/04/2024 17:57

Just elope, it would be so much easier.

susanlakeeth · 17/04/2024 17:59

RagzRebooted · 17/04/2024 17:57

Just elope, it would be so much easier.

thanks i have seriously thought about this and will most likely do it - it would still need to be april as he would want him there for the reception/party? @RagzRebooted

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 17/04/2024 18:05

susanlakeeth · 17/04/2024 17:59

thanks i have seriously thought about this and will most likely do it - it would still need to be april as he would want him there for the reception/party? @RagzRebooted

You don’t need a party if you elope… but his brother is being deployed for a year so I think it’s reasonable to plan it so he can attend.

Toddlerteaplease · 17/04/2024 18:07

I can't see the issue. Why shouldn't you adjust the date, so he can have the people he wants there. No guarantee of good weather In the summer.

PollySolo · 17/04/2024 18:07

susanlakeeth · 17/04/2024 17:59

thanks i have seriously thought about this and will most likely do it - it would still need to be april as he would want him there for the reception/party? @RagzRebooted

No reception/party needed. We went down to the local register office with two witnesses, and took them out for tapas and champagne afterwards, weak with happiness at the amount of time and energy we’d saved.

Sandwichblock · 17/04/2024 18:08

For me, it would be far more important to have the important people there, than to have the wedding in a suitably warm part of the world.

Doseofreality · 17/04/2024 18:10

Isn’t that what marriage is about, compromising?

PollySolo · 17/04/2024 18:14

OP, do I get the impression you’re doing the wedding organisation? It just sounds from the way you’ve written this that the date restrictions are somehow more your problem than his, when surely it’s down to you both to figure this stuff out? (Or not, and just get married with the minimum number of legal witnesses at a time of your choosing?)

PuttingDownRoots · 17/04/2024 18:57

Wait a year until his brother is home?

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