How to manage one child at a childfree wedding

[PillowQuilt]

We are having a childfree wedding later this year. This has not been a big issue so far because it's a small, lowkey, non traditional city wedding. There are no bridesmaids or best men and only a handful of the guests would have small children anyway.

However. One guest has made it very clear that her 8 year old DD REALLY wants to be a flowergirl. Whike that's not at all what we had in mind, for reasons specific to the situation I am inclined to say okay. The dd can put on a pretty dress and throw petals around if she'd like to. But the issue is she will be the only child there, and the only person she'd really know is her mother.

In this scenario, would you expect that child to be there all day? Would it be unreasonable to think she could come to the ceremony, stay for a bit of the reception and then be collected? I will discuss it with the mother but I want to be prepared for her possible reaction. TBH I am already surprised she asked for her child to be a flowergirl, so not really sure what else she might think is normal!

Erm. The couple chooses what THEY want for the day and everyone else either agrees or does not attend.

Who is this woman? You don’t need to prepare for her ‘possible reaction’. Tell her what the rules are.

I wouldn’t even agree to the child being flower girl honestly.

She'd expect the child to be there all day especially if the parents/guardians are all at the wedding

Regardless of how clear she makes it, or how much the mum/child want her to be a flowergirl, you are perfectly entitled not to even entertain her wishes. She might well get to be a flowergirl, just not your flowergirl! Are you close to the mum?

Is she a relative? It's rude enough to ask to bring your child to a child free wedding but to ask for her to be a flowergirl? Really? Are people this ridiculous. Tell her no.

How close are you to the child? I’d only break your rules if you had a special bond with her.

Could it cause WW3 if there are other guests who would have like to have brought their kids?

Why are you letting her force your hand. You said child free. Say no if child free is what you want

Ignoring that this situation is very odd, normally a child would stay at the wedding until the end. I had children at my wedding (my 5 year old being one of them!!) and I barely noticed them. They were too busy off playing and running around with each other!! But if there's only her, I doubt you'll notice her either.

This is true. I'd be annoyed if some children are invited and others not

@PillowQuilt please, please, please tell me this ISN'T a reverse!

I would not be letting her be a fg, but if you don't want to refuse, I think you should stand by the fact the wedding is not child friendly and her mother will have to entertain her for the rest of the day.

It’s your wedding! If you want a flower girl then fine. Say it’s a childfree wedding so pls make sure she’s collected at a certain time

Agreed. I'd be incredibly cross as a guest to get there and find one random child was allowed if I'd made alternative arrangements for mine to attend.

If you don't want children at your wedding then stick to that. Don't let this women dictate to you.

Who is this guest and why do they get sway over the couple’s wishes? Especially the dictating that her daughter will be a flower girl. And you guys are so scared of saying no they’ll just go along with it? What a weird dynamic…

From a guests POV though aren’t you worried that those who have accepted it’s no kids, booked their sitter and then find there’s a random kid will be really cheesed off??

But in answer to your original question no doubt her mum expects her to be invited to the full thing.

Who is the child? Unless it’s a niece/close relative you are exceptionally close with I’d say no to the whole thing! I can’t believe someone would be so cheeky to ask to be honest. I can understand asking if she could attend if they are absolutely stumped for childcare, but to ask for her to be part of the ceremony is really weird!

What's happening at your 'child free' wedding that's unsuitable for children? This will help you determine what should happen re flower girl.

Just say no. You have a no child policy. End of

It's not a child free wedding anymore. She'll expect to be there all day and you'll be expected to explain why, to all of the people who've organised childcare.

Child at a child free wedding? It’s not child free…

Some people just prefer a child free wedding, it's quite common and normal.

Wow that’s really pushy. I would have just said no outright, if you’ve chosen a child free wedding that’s what it should be. And who has the cheek to ask for their kid to be flower girl, really strange behaviour unless it’s maybe your twin sister and even then it’s cheeky 😂

It’s your wedding - just say no, it’s child free. You don’t need a flower girl. It will create issues if other guests see a child there when you said it’s child free. Especially when it’s not even a baby, which we did allow as exception to child free

We had a CF wedding. None of our family or close friends have kids.

One friend suggested her DD should be invited and be a flower girl as it might be her last chance. We do not know the DD very well, this isn't a close friend. I was a mug and said whatever, dress her up however you want, she's welcome to lob some flowers about, I didn't really care.

She then tried to hijack the photographer for most of the day to do photo shoots of the "flower girl". Nightmare. I regret bothering to try to be kind. She then wanted free copies of the digital album etc. nightmare of a woman, haven't spoken to her since.

I think it would be phenomenally boring for the child to be the only one there - the point of being a child at a wedding imo is to have lots of fun with the other kids there. I personally hate the idea of having one child performing as a flower girl and then disappearing, as if you'd hired her. So I'd either completely recast the wedding to include children or say no.

Well the mum is being really cheeky, so feel free to say no.

Is this child closer to you than any of the non invited children, eg a niece? (I assume not if they wont know anyone else). If so I think inviting just them is fine, as it is obvious why. I hate the idea of anyone not having a close child there just because they can't invite loads of children they barely know.

But if not, it will cause annoyance amongst other guests with kids who maybe had a hard time getting / paying for childcare if an exception is made for one. There may even be some people who have had to decline the invitation because of childcare who will then be upset to find exceptions could have been made.

If you do have them, I assume they would expect to stay all day, but ask the mum. In terms of her being bored etc, that's the mum's problem, but you could give her a gift of activity pack,small toys etc, as appropriate to keep her amused.